Im so angry all the time
Our oldest of three (4, boy) is presenting with more autistic markers as he enters Sped preschool. He is verbal with maybe 10-20% of speech being clear to family only, has no boundaries, and is extremely hyperactive to the point where he is doing loud screams constantly, and he gets the zoomies constantly which are hard to break him out of without him hurting himself or his sisters being too wild, or I have to carry him into his room kicking and screaming.
Every game he wants to play is either a climbing game where he will jump on you without warning despite a dozen daily warnings not to do that his whole life, he'll start slapping as a game but will get more demented with it the more you let it go on until its straight up hitting, or he'll shove stuff in your face constantly that he wants us to look at. Hes also almost exclusively into "chase me" games that im just too mentally a physically drained to be a part of. He demans 100% of our attention and will keep trying to redirect us when we want to have any kind of conversation or do anything that wasnt part of his plan. I can feel myself physically tense up when he enters the room.
Im starting to resent him, hell I think I already full on do, and I know its not his fault. Hes not trying to be this way, I made him. When he goes to school and we're home with the girls the house is washed over with such peace and quiet it really makes me think how much better it would be without him around. It feels like shit to think about my child that way and I feel like a terrible parent because of it.
We currently have no diagnosis, but are waiting on the results for one this next month. Hopefully we can find some tools to get him the help he needs.