u/Cookieman_2023

I feel rejected by everyone. Nobody likes me and I'm easily forgettable to everyone. Take for example the CSSS discord server. I joined it in 2023 when I first joined SFU. Then on its off topic section, I brought up the topic of dating that everyone thought was controversial and for 3 STRAIGHT YEARS, they held it against me!!!

Any time I asked on that server for actual coop advice, I can't get any responses from any of them without condescension, toxicity and sometimes straight up bullying. They called me a chud, said F u to me and labeled me an incel for not being able to talk to women which is true and stung. They made me feel like a loser and humiliated.

When it was clubs day, I decided to show up to the CSSS table anyway and talked a bit, but had to avoid talking about Discord because I know the moment I bring up who I was, things are not gonna turn out good. Now I have to spend the rest of my years hiding who I am and my past from any CS student I meet, especially those who are members of the CSSS

Not just about that, but everyone else is shunning me for talking about my problems and asking for advice. It's so unfair and not sure if it's because I'm a guy and not a girl, but everyone just doesn't care about me and my problems and even mocks me. It's happened repeatedly. They rather ban me the victim over the rude harsh people who were also trying to provoke me.

I feel traumatized and sad because I'm shunned from everyone. People don't have much to say to me. When I meet new people, the very moment I open my mouth, the lose interest and moves on to someone else. On top of that, I have the stereotypical asian parents who are at this moment, my biggest bullies. I grew up bullied at school but also at home. It's an endless suffering that nobody seems to understand.

In my perspective, all the bans and exiles from groups online as well as ghostings irl are telling me that I was born to be rejected and alone and there's no truly hope for me. Is there really nothing I can do now?

Buying that book now is hundreds of dollars. I have to think about whether it's worth getting now. I bought it literally when it was released before the pandemic and now it's discontinued. I can't believe I lost that book and I'm so sad now. It's out of my control and it happens every single time.

What should I do? Should I give up on it or spend hundreds on getting one from ebay or abebooks or some other scalper?

Take the I-5 for example. Whenever I cross from BC to Washington, the moment I cross from peace arch into blaine where the I-5 starts, the highway becomes loud and rumbling pretty much all the way to Seattle and presumably beyond. I looked on Google street view and noticed that the pavement is different and lighter in color with what looks like rocks underneath. Is that the case for all highways? Are these just aging infrastructure or intentionally designed to be rough?

For my whole life, I've been made to feel like a loser. It seems that I can never meet their expectations. It's just endless complaints and tirades blasted at my face. They always find some fault in me to make me feel sad, guilty, shame and endless shame. I'm starting to realize that what they're doing is more focused on causing hurt than actually getting the results they want, but they deny their treatment towards me as abuse.

Now, one half of my brain is starting to think that I will never be able to live up to expectations because I feel like it keeps on changing. I feel like their sudden spontaneous yelling at me for little reason in that moment other than bringing up the same old grievance points over and over again seems inconsistent. It's like the goal post keeps getting moved to the point that if I do something, if it's not up to their performance standards or I screw something up, I get yelled at. If I become too afraid to do something to the point that I'm becoming passive, I also get yelled at. It always end up with the same reasons of dumping on me.

Now I know the obvious reason is to move out. Problem is financially, I'm chained. I don't have enough money and borrowing loans is risky. Plus, for some unknown reason, when I think about actually making a plan to do it, I get a rush of anxiety because of all the things I have to cover like research for a place, utilities, grocery bills and how many ways things can go wrong. But also, I may feel guilty for doing so because there's a part of me telling me that I'm causing hurt if I do that. It's like I don't even trust my own judgements because I was never taught to think for myself and opposition is not tolerated. At the very same time, they hate it when I'm acting dependent on them even though their psychological conditioning since childhood made me the way I am. Then again, I could be wrong and it's very easy for them to downplay or deny their behavior is causing issues and I feel confused.

I'm in such a bad state and counselling so far has not been able to reach to this point and understand what I'm going through. I believe all my problems irl of being passive, believing/obeying anything that's said to me as well as lack of self esteem and quietness originated from the way I was treated at home and it spilled over. I became resentful, but also still fearful despite turning 24 this year. My childhood was obsession with getting into uni, no sleepovers, no hanging out with friends, always math tutoring and chinese school on the weekends. Now they 180 and complain that all i do is study, eat and go to bed with nothing else in my life. No hobbies, no outside skills. But they never allowed me to discover myself even to this day so i feel being kicked wall to wall.

In Canada, we call the them washrooms and it's written like that in public places. However, I noticed that when crossing the border to the US side, they're written as restrooms. Do you guys call them that instead? There's also a video on youtube a while ago that Americans also call them bathrooms, but that's uncommon here. It's not really a place for taking baths or resting so I'm curious about the naming

When I looked up "reasons to move to usa from canada", I instead got results of the opposite. Almost all of it. The people who successfully made it down there and are successful and happy don't seem to talk about it for some reason. I aspire to do the same, but it sounds politically incorrect to do so atm. From what I heard, Canadians have boycotted travel to the US, but I don't follow their way of thinking. I made it my goal and I'll stick to it.

In general, why do you think it's such an unpopular thing to do or it's just the internet? Idk why there's so many spaces on being anti-US but very little in being pro-US.