u/Cool-Hand-7337

Hey everyone, just wanted to share my story in hopes that maybe I can get the talk or guidance I need if that’s even possible. I’ve been struggling every single day for the last 8 months.

I’m 31 born and raised in Miami. I’ve had 3 long term relationships in my entire life: here’s a timeline.

• 2013-2015 ended because she has been cheating on me for months. Let’s call her Cuba, young love you know what I mean. I was 17.

• 2015-2018 single focused on building my mind body and career as a DJ ( had been DJing since I was 13, I was able to accomplish so much even having my own show on a popular radio station while in high school )

• 2018-2022 longest relationship I had, we moved out together and everything only to have my savings depleted and my mind and spirit absolutely destroyed in about 6 months in 2022 let’s call her Colombia. To make it more clear, my mom passed away January 29th 2022, a week later my bestfriend passes away from OD. A month after that my ex at the time convinced me to move out, I had a good amount of savings and my dad and sister were going to move out of our home as well so I said let’s do it. I had never lived on my own before let alone with a girlfriend so as exciting as it was it was scary, but I found a nice apartment in the same complex as my bestfriend at the time and it was amazing it made me happy to be so close to my boy you know. I spent money on furnishing the whole apartment the way I liked it big ass tv surround sound new bed everything. It was a 2 bed room 2 bathroom, two masters basically. At the time my exs mom didn’t have anywhere to stay as where she lived they increased the rent so she couldn’t afford it so my ex convinced me to let her move in with us and pay for part of the rent. That all sounds fine but I wanted the extra bed room as an office space and a space to display my collection of action figures and sneakers you know a man cave, I was going to pay for the full rent I just asked my ex to take care of the other things food and what not. I had a good job at the time, but as you know when it rains it pours, the moment we moved in and had our place ready to enjoy, I lost my job and my ex fell down the stairs and broke both her ankles. It only took not even 6 months for me to get severely depressed due to my losses that I had yet to have grieved yet at the beginning of the year with my mom passing and my bestfriend. Long story short, she was starting to emotionally cheat on me and before I knew it by November she told me I she isn’t attracted to me and that I’m fat and ugly and that she doesn’t love me anymore and she was constantly making comments how she would love to bang one of our friends because he’s so hot. I spent Christmas that year alone in my apartment broken, my Bestfriends fiancé and my ex became besties and before the year ended I was watching my bestfriend go out with his fiancee and my ex as if they were the childhood friends, and as if I never even existed. She took all my friends and my bestfriend that was my brother of 15 years sided with his fiancee and my ex, I told her I couldn’t stay here so the lease would be up in June so I’ll pay my part of the rent and you and your mom can stay here until June, keep all the furniture and I’ll take my desk and my tv. So I moved in with my dad and my sister that welcomed me with open arms. Starting brand new life, no savings because the lifestyle that my ex and group of friends had were to party it up every week and weekend, and I was the only one paying for rent so all savings gone, no job, had to sell off some my collection to have a cushion to fall back on. I was starting over, I lost all of those people in my life she took them all and including my bestfriend which I don’t speak to anymore and my ex has a new guy and they’re all one big happy family as if I never existed. I had to cut out my bestfriend because that following year 2023 after I moved out with my dad again, July 2023 I was invited to a pool party and my ex was already hooking up with someone and my bestfriend was pushing me to come and I decided not to only to have found that he had been posting on his story my ex with a new guy but he has muted me from his story so I wouldn’t see, it was another bestfriend of mine that called me that night and said bro I want to show you something but if you don’t want to see it I won’t show you, I already knew what it was it was screen recordings of my ex bestfriend and my ex at the pool party and her hooking up with a guy. So I left all of that behind and focused on me the rest of 2023, but there’s a twist.

2023-2026 the love of my life that I lost. So let’s go back to 2022 for a second, middle of the summer I was still with my ex at the time we were living in our new apartment right, my sister called me one day and asked me if I wanted to come join her and her friends on a trip to Epcot and I said hell yea I’d love to come, my sister didn’t stand my ex and neither did my dad or mom God rest her soul, and of course my ex wanted to come to. So we all rented a big SUV and the morning that they came to pick me up and my ex at our apartment, I got introduced to one of my sisters friends lets call her Argentina, and it was something out of a movie. We had this insane unexplainable connection that you see in movies when it’s love at first sight, you might be thinking dude you were with your ex? Yes I was and I was very much still committed but we were acting like room mates at that point but I never cheated never have never will but it was insane how easy it was to talk to this girl, the entire trip I’m talking about entire trip, she was flirting with me. I’d get a drink she’d be like let me try my ex caught on and she was pissed but Argentina didn’t care about Colombia. The entire day was bliss I’ll admit as wrong as this sounds I didn’t care about my ex was even there, I never crossed any line but this girl was something else. After the trip I couldn’t stop thinking about her, then when my ex broke up with me in November that year I hit her up and we went on a few dates and it was absolutely amazing and beautiful I felt like I might if found my person you know? Also she knew how much Colombia was a horrible person and the way she treated me and my family and how she told me she wanted nothing to do with my family ever again, the way she treated my mom when she was alive during the relationship. My sister still thinks Colombia killed my mom, my mom had a auto immune condition so during Covid we protected her like no one could get near her unless tested, a month before my mom passed we went to dinner for her birthday and my ex Colombia knew she had Covid and didnt say anything she also sat next to my mom that night at dinner. My mom passed away a month later, I don’t really believe that but anyways. Argentina and I went on a few days in December 2023 and our last date on the 28th of December we did acid together for the first time. She would say that night she knew I was the one because she saw a white light next to me during the whole trip. After the night she said that she felt like Colombia was still involved in my life which she was right I was still in the processed of moving back with my dad so Argentina decided to cut things off December 2022. So I moved back with my dad end of January 2023, we didn’t speak for 6 months she randomly shows up to my dads house, mind you I had gotten in shape got a new job and things were looking up, she shows up to go with my sister to a Paramore concert she looked absolutely stunning she also had been working on herself. It was love at first sight again, like the day we met. I played it cool walked up to her and said hey how are you, you look beautiful and she blushed and I walked out of the house got in my car and drove around because I was so nervous. That night she texted me and so we reconnected and started dating again, and it was just perfect. The more and more I got to know her the more more I was falling in love with her, she was everything I ever wanted and had been searching for my whole life, she was Bestfriends with my sister she loved my dad always wanted to come over and spend time with him and us it was beautiful. Bliss lasted about 7-8 months. Our first big hurdle was January 1st 2024, we went out to the club for her younger sisters birthday party. I was hesitant at first because being with Colombia there was a lot of that, clubbing partying and everything that came with that lifestyle not only the drinking if you catch my drift, I lost myself in the snow. So I put that all aside for her and for her sister since it was her birthday, so I went. Feeling anxious at the club I just sat down and didn’t drink but Argentina wanted to have a good time with her sisters and so I decided to just put on a happy face, until one of the guys that were in the group we were in got behind her and started dancing with her and she started to dance on him. I told myself from Colombia that I would never allow any woman to disrespect me ever again so I got up and walked right out of the club. 4 am outside downtown Miami trying to call an uber so I can go home, she came running after me in tears begging crying claiming she didn’t know what she did wrong and that she was sorry. We took an uber back to her house and we stayed up all night I wasn’t putting up with a single bit of the sorry and bullshit she said she thought he was gay so she saw him as a girl to dance with. We got through the night exhausted, I loved this girl so we worked through it, she seemingly had lunch with her sisters the following day and they said yea he’s not gay and it was wrong for doing what she did. I was prepared to break up with her but she seemed remorseful and I love her so we didn’t break up. All of that year 2024, was extremes ups and downs, fighting and having amazing moments, me still trying to not hold what she did over her head but it was hard because I felt she reopened a wound I had worked so hard to heal before her and I started dating. I got her a pendant neckless for her birthday to show her how committed I am to her no matter what happens. It was hard because she knew everything about my relationship with Colombia. I was hoping she didn’t use that against me. 2024 was full of fighting because she dove into my Google Photos to see pictures of my ex on my Google Drive which I didn’t think were a big deal as she also had some videos of her and her ex at family gatherings I saw once or twice and I never said a thing, but it was a big deal to her so briefly went through the Google Drive and deleted every picture that had Colombia’s face. 2024 was a big mess like I said we fought more and more and we never quite got it figured out how to get through a fight in a healthy way. A lot of leaving her house or my house threats of breaking up, not figuring out how to best communicate. Then in December 2024 we took a trip to Tennessee a big family trip she met my family and everything, and I got her a promise ring for Christmas and gave it to her in front of all my family she thought I was proposing. We fought on the trip as well. Then came January and so my sister was dating my bestfriend at the time the one who showed me the screen shots of my ex Colombia hooking up with a guy at the pool party. So my sister started to feel some type of way towards Argentina even though they we’re Bestfriends because we were always fighting and Argentina didn’t care if we were with people or our and about she couldn’t hide if she was upset or if we were fighting, me on the other hand I think we should talk when we’re alone like adults. So then due financial ties we had together, she breaks up with me Feburary 2025 because she couldn’t handle me not being present and the dislike my sister had towards Argentina, she broke up with me over the phone with her last words being “ I love you, I don’t see my life without you” that was on February 17th 2025, a week later I had given her some space and we met on 24th and she broke me, she brought me a bag of all my clothes I had at her place and she said, whatever you have to do to pay our credit card off and then I’m closing it. Seemingly no tears nothing. Gave me the bag of clothes and that’s it. I would text Argentina every week saying hey I miss you, she would say something like “ maybe one day “ whatever. My birthday comes around March 9th, My co workers put together a birthday dinner for me and she went, after the dinner she sat me down and gave me a birthday card, to sum it up it was a letter saying how much she loves me and how much we both have to work on ourselves and change a lot so that if we do are meant to be together we can be the best versions of ourselves. The letter had 4 coupons each with actives we loved to do together and they had a date, redeemable 4 months from today, the letter ended with saying she hopes she can do these with me one day. I spent my 30th birthday in a hotel alone with that letter absolutely heartbroken 💔. My 30th birthday was supposed to be amazing. So I let her go, she showed up to my job 10 days later, in tears saying she can’t be without me. But she doesn’t want to go back to how it was with the fighting. So after a 5 hour talk we got back together, we started to go on dates again and things seemed to go back to the way it was only with more love. Then one night, she asked me if I had gone through my entire Google Drive and I said I deleted all the photos of Colombia don’t worry, she felt the need to not believe me so she asked for my phone so she can go through it herself, she went through about 15 years of photos one by one for about 7 hours, she found pictures of some chicks I had nudes from like 2016 that I had forgotten they were there, she lost it. And threatened to break up with me only after about a month of getting back together, she said the only way she would continue with me is if we go to therapy. So scrambled found a therapist and we started therapy every single week for about 7 months I was paying out of pocket I didn’t care because I wanted us to make it out the other side of this because I was in love with her and wanted my whole life with her. So week after week we go to therapy. It was hard and it was hard but it got better and better and we actually started to grow our relationship through the months ahead. She had gotten a new job and she was making good money so I promised her when we got back together that I was going to propose to her next year ( which would of been this year ) her sisters apartment became available because her sister bought her apartment and was renting it out so it became available and so in the take end of last year we put ran our finances and we could afford the rent but it was be too close so I started to look for a second job but it was no working out, we made it to our two year anniversary last September and things were looking amazing we were planning to move out hopefully if I get a second job and start making more money, I promised her I would propose to her this year, I prioritized her all of last year, planning weekly dates, making sure her needed were being met and always showing up for her every day, loving her, taking care of her place, spending time with her family, visiting her at her job as a surprise, making sure I made time for her friends as well, making sure I scheduled our therapy session every week, I poured everything into her last year because I wanted to grow old together she was my person. Celebrated our 2 year anniversary in September, but everything changed for Christmas. I lied to her about not having the Christmas presents wrapped and she lost it, threatened to break up with me. Through out the whole year last year any time we’d fight she would say “this isn’t what I signed up for I told you if I started to feel the way I did last time I’m out” we barely made it through Christmas and new years, it was her younger sisters birthday again and they were throwing a get together at their house, and so her old sister wanted us to print out 100 pictures of their younger sister to put up on the wall for the party, I went to Walmart and got them all printed, we had been fighting and she said “ I hope you back me up if my family says something towards me “ I never get involved in their family business if it’s between them it’s between them, we get there to the house with the pictures and her older sister says yea I think we’re gonna use only the best pictures not all, Argentina lost her shit and started to fight with her older sister to the point I said her sister it’s okay don’t worry and so Argentina screamed at me for not having her back and so it was this big thing that she wasn’t gonna go to her sisters house for the party because of the pictures situation, I ended up convincing her to go together it’s not that serious, but we got through it. We were hanging by a thread, so going into January of this year, one day she was using the bathroom and she had a weird discharge that made her really feel like it was a miscarriage, she always had a IUD since we started dating so we possibly thought it could of been that, but the more she looked into it she found out the brand of her IUD had a lawsuit and she wanted it removed, so on January 29th I took the day off work to take her to get it removed, she got pissed that I mentioned we had to start using condoms now but you know we got past it. January 29th is also the day my mom passed so we went to throw her flowers together and Argentina always seemed so sad that she never got to meet my mom because they would of been best friends I know it, we spent the whole day together and we were talking about how when we move out together she won’t need a step stool she’ll have me to grab things in hard to reach places I’m 6’3, and she always was so attracted to me it never stopped. That day was amazing. She cried to me when we went to go throw flowers for my mom. Then here comes the big shit storm. Feburary 2nd my car breaks down and I don’t have enough money to get it fixed, she has just gotten a new job at Olive Garden a couple weeks before, so I called her and asked her if she can spot me so she did, but the repair shop said it was more after they inspected it, so I texted her asking if we can put it on our affirm account since they have financing available she said yes just to send her back the money she had zelled me initially. So I put the whole thing on affirm close to 3k. She dog sat on the side so that entire week I told her I’d stay at her house which is an efficiency attached to her moms house, I called her after my car got fixed and she asked how did I pay for the repair if it was more money and I said I told you I put on our affirm you said it was okay, and she lost it she said that’s not what I said that I had said they had financing available, which I said yes I asked you specifically to put it on our affirm. She got so upset texting me that she is really considering never talking to me again. Mind you over the years I always helped her with money, my dad too. When she didn’t have a job she need money to pay her car or her insurance I would give her the money no questions asked don’t worry about paying me back, in 2024 she got into a car accident and didn’t have the money to get her car fixed and out of the shop so my dad went and paid for her car to get fixed, last year when she broke up with me my dad had asked her in a nice polite way because it had been a year since the accident and when my dad paid for her repair when should he expect her to pay him back, she responded with, “ I have more important things to pay, when I have the money I’ll pay you back. “ which was kind of a slap in the face to my dad. Anyways, that week I stayed at her house looking over her cat and place, every day that went by she started to remove me off social media, the next day off our shared Apple plan, and so on, I would go over to her moms because her mom loved me so much and her step dad too, I do miss them terribly. I left the Sunday she was returning which was Super Bowl Sunday, left her place super clean so she can come to home to a tidy home, I left her love sticky notes everywhere that was something I alway did. I’d even drive to her job just to leave a sticky note and her favorite chocolate bar on her car so when she got off work she’d have a reason to smile, our houses are about 1 hour away from eachother but I never cared I’d drive to her any time any day. To cut to the chase a bit the next day was Monday February 9th we hadn’t spoken at all week, I left her voice notes and countless calls and text nothing from her. I get a text from her mom saying to come over so we can all talk, her mom and stepdad never wanted us to break up they wanted me for their daughter. And they knew how much I loved her. So I get their and Argentina sits me down and gives me the whole speech about how here we are again just like last year when she broke up with me, and that this time we are actually breaking up, if we meet again someday then it’s meant to be. After that she ended the conversation with she finally realized who I remind her of , her dad. The first man that ever broke her heart, the man that walked out and abandoned her mom and 3 siblings for drugs and another woman he was getting married to. When those words came out of her mouth it broke me in ways I couldn’t explain. She said my parents want to talk to you, so we went into their house and we spoke for about 4 hours and they both talked her out of ending things, to pay off the affirm and I’d have 1 month to do so. Since we had two things we shared, affirm under her name and a credit card under my name but we both used both. She was worried I was going to fuck her over which I would never, the night didn’t end so well. After the talk in what seemed hopeful that we would be able to recover from this, she walked me out to my car and handed me a box of all the the “love” gifts I had given her over the years, the collage of pictures I gave her for our 1 year anniversary, the sticky notes I’d write her and all of things of that nature. She said I hope these can make it back into my house one day. She said there’s one last thing I need you to do, I need you to delete the affirm app from your phone. And I refused as how would I be able to keep an eye on paying my car repair off. She lost it, ran back to her parents house yelling “he fucked up, he fucked up the last chance I gave him” it turned into a big fight outside where her step dad told me just to what she asks, so I did it. Left in a pretty defeated mood. Her step dad felt like I wiped my ass with the 4 hour conversation I had with it’s them. So the next day I called him and I apologized and he said he loves me so much and he respects me. I spent the entire month of February doing uber to pay off the affirm in less time than Argentina had asked. She seemingly was hanging out with my sister a lot since they were trying to rekindle their friend ship after last year’s fallout. On February 28th I gave my co worker that she’s friends with a drawing I drew her for Valentine’s Day because that was something I had promised her before she broke up with me. She called me that night to thank me things were starting to look hopeful again, we can start over you know. Then came my birthday again March 9th and she had told my sister that she was going to take me out for ice cream and my sister said no that’s not a good idea he’s gonna take it the wrong way, which granted I would have. So she decided to go out with couple mutual friends that night one of them being a co worker of mine. And here comes the big revelation. Last year when she broke up with me she was worried that she wouldn’t be able to do her citizenship because she didn’t have the money. At the time I was willing to do anything for her, so during the break up last year I told her I would pay for it, I didn’t have the money in that moment so I scrambled any option I had to get her he 1000$ she needed so I asked a co worker of mine and he lent me the money he said let’s keep this between us and you can pay me back whenever you can. I was grateful for him, I never let Argentina know that detail I got her the money so she can become a a US citizen, and she did. I was so caught up in her being my world all of last year and keeping her doing whatever it took to not lose her again a whole year went by without me even attempting to pay my co worker back, I know I’m a piece of shit. So the revelation happened on my birthday when Argentina went out with our mutual friends and my co worker told her about the borrowed money for the citizenship. I ended up paying him back and i apologized and we’re cool now but that changed everything because he told someone about lending me that money last year. She also already had people in her ear already telling her to not get back with me because she was considering it getting back with me. I would text her every week and she kept pushing me away talking about possibly being friends and when I kept hearing her pushing the friend idea I knew deep down that wasn’t good. Weeks went by and I dropped off a love letter in her mail box on March 22 she called me and said we had to talk she said she knew about the borrowed money for the citizenship, she doubled down on the break up, started to say very hurtful things to me, “ I don’t miss you, I just miss being with someone, because I hate being alone, I just don’t miss you. Do you know how much damage you have caused” things of that nature, she said it would be a very long time before I hear from her again. So I let her go, for a bit. March 31 I text her asking her out to dinner, she texted me back the following day agreeing to it, so we met up on April 1st at our usual sushi spot next to a theater we always went to, the movies was our thing we did 3-4 times a week. I walked through the door and she smiled and blushed as seeing me in a while you know, but same thing you know. The smile faded and she began to again double down on the break up, that the changes I was making was going to be for the next person not for her. Which hurt me in a lot of ways. Seemingly that’s what the whole conversation consisted of all night, changes are gonna be for the next person, it’s too late, with little pieces of hope, Argentina began to ask “ what would be different now if we got back together.” But also compared, why did my I do all these things and pay for everything for Argentina but I did for Colombia. Things like that she was throwing in my face. The long night ended with her saying “ I need you to give me a month, no contact for a month. Let me cool off let me forgive you “ April 1st was the last time I saw her. After the month she had asked for from me I reached out well after the month had ended, because during the month of waiting my dad told me and my sister that he wasn’t renewing the lease that we have 2 weeks to find a place to live because he’s moving to Tennessee. That’s a whole other bullshit but seemingly Argentina found this out through my sister since they were hanging out often, my sister trying to protect me didn’t tell me a word of anything obviously. So after over a month had passed coincidentally the day we moved out of our dads place into our new apartment I reached out to her, she responded with “ hi I have fully moved on from our relationship, please don’t hope that I will change my mind, I no longer want anything with you not now not in the future. “ that absolutely broke my heart. I didn’t respond and so I decided to let her go fully. About 2 weeks go by and I’m struggling with this, my co workers tells me hey can I talk to you outside, and so she shows me a text message she got from a random number saying “ hey this is Argentinas boyfriend, I already invited her sisters but I’m planning a surprise party for her this Saturday she speaks very highly of you I would of for you to be there, I grabbed her phone while she was sleeping so I can text all her friends let me know! “ when I tell you that I just started laughing I was in shock. You’re already in a new relationship not even 4 months after breaking up with me to the point this new guy is stealing your phone to throw you a suprise party? Really dude? That night I told my sister and my sister was shocked too because my sister would hang out with her and she would tell my sister she’s not seeing anyone, but then my sister remembered that Argentina had sent her a video back in March of her doing squats at the gym and there was the guy right next to her spotting her the guy was already in the pictures not even a month after she broke up with me. Here’s the best party that same day that my co worker told me this and showed me the screen shot, Argentina called her to bitch her out because she said her new boyfriend was getting text messages from me saying a bunch of things to him which is not true at all, and that she knows she told me about him, Argentina called my co worker to yell at her for me finding out she has a new boyfriend? Mind you my co worker is pregnant so my co worker wasn’t gonna say yes so Argentina cut everyone out of her life including my sister that she loved so much. My co worker said she’s a piece of shit and she doesn’t deserve you or the man you’re becoming. Let we jump into a new thing, let her. So now find out that she cut off every single friend she had friends that have been in her life for years that have helped her and have been there for her all because they have some sort of connection back to me or my sister because they had alot on the same friends. And she moved out with the guy already they’re living together. She has a whole new life, I’m here single heart broken taking care of my new apartment taking care of my little sister, working my ass off, trying to enjoy life again, finding out my dad has cancer and that’s why he moved away. Trying to stay hopeful that my person is out there somewhere looking for me too. I still have a piece of me hoping Argentina comes back, but I don’t thinks so. She hoped the fence for greener grass and she got it, she moved out which is what she wanted to do with me, and I can’t stop breaking my own heart think about them together. I know this is long, I long for someone to love me and for me to love them back.

I hope I can get at least one response to my story. Im 31, 6’3, trying to get my body right im considered good looking i guess, nice beard, covered in American traditional tattoos and piercings and yet I feel absolutely invisible to women everywhere I go. Much love boys, stay strong.