PLEASE HELP - Very complex
I was having health anxiety after I hurt my back and it spiraled into me being anxious about every health related thing I felt and caused sadness, spiraling and a lot of obsessive and ruminating thoughts about those things. Felt like I needed to fix every health and know what it was. From stress I think I got a vestibular migraine (vertigo) which caused my anxiety to spiral even more, low dose nortriptyline fixed this and then weaned off. Consistently was having health anxiety but then I was put on Zoloft for a year at 50 mg and it worked great and I felt back to normal. Suddenly it stopped working and a dose increase didn’t work. I felt worse than when I started the med, anxious and really upset and down, crying soo much dread and so uncomfortable in emotional pain and waves of panic that arises for no reason. No event caused it.
Cut to the next 6 years: Trying different ssris, SNRIS (both made things worse) and, Remeron (irritability) buspar, Wellbutrin also didnt work (made me way too panicked uncomfortable), sometimes I would Get a brief lift for a day or two when trying some and but then would end up feeling worse. I also would get a brief lift when stopping sometimes I think maybe because of rebound on chemicals in the brain when I stopped but that also was short lived. After going through so many meds without success for 3 years I took a break for a year and felt a little better since the meds were making me worse and bringing me on a emotional roller coaster but I am still worse than when I started Zoloft, anxious about nothing, having crying outbursts a lot, overly emotional and easily emotional triggered and very sensitive to any stress and am now obsessed with getting better and it’s overtaken my life and given me health OCD basically.
I also saw a functional medicine doctor who did a lot of blood tests and there was nothing off and I got the genesight test which basically said SSRIS were never a great option for me but didnt help solve anything. So after the year break and nothing wrong I wanted to try meds again what was in the green section, I tried Viibryd which gave me a brief lift for a day or two at the beginning but then by week 4 made me more panicked and Pristiq which didn’t do much after 5.5 weeks. So now I am doing for TMS but am worried because my symptoms arent typical depression and seems more like nervous system dysregulation.
I’ve had increased panic since beginning TMS. After second session had a couple hours of euphoria feeling happy and energized before spiraling into increased panic the rest of the weekend. Dialed back the depression and just doing anxiety now but not sure whether or not to continue or what to do because it seems my body is VERY resistant to change and sends me into fight or flight whenever i try to push it into a better place. Please help if there are any ideas.