I just went NC with my homophobic uBPD parent
I (30F) recently got gay married a few weeks ago (yay!) and my highly religious and homophobic uBPD parent (65) has predictably not handled this well.
My parent is the type of religious where they "love" the sinner but hate the sin. This basically means that I've endured years of emotional abuse and neglect in the name of bringing me back to God's light.
After a particularly nasty series of waify messages from their side a few days ago, and lots of crying from mine, I've made the call to go NC for the first time ever, which I made clear in an email.
I've never actually considered going full NC until I saw how reading just one or two of the messages out loud affected my wife. The messages were directed at me, but obviously contained a lot of reference to how homosexuality is shameful/sinful. Seeing the shock and hurt on my wife's face, who grew up in a very open and accepting family, was the wake up call I needed, I think.
Not to get too soppy about marriage, but I had this moment where I realized that I had just read all these vows about building an amazing life together, starting a family, and being a shelter for one another.
I don't think I've ever really felt able to shelter myself from my parent, but I sure as fcking hell know I can shelter my wife and whatever family we build one day from ever dealing with the shit I had to deal with.
So I took the day off yesterday to write my letter. I sent it, disabled my notifications, took a nice long bath, ordered takeout, and chilled with my wife and pets.
I feel like a weight has temporarily been lifted off my shoulders, but I feel too suspicious of the silence to really relax yet. Whenever I've asserted boundaries in the past, I've gotten a wave of calls, messages, unexpected house visits, they've even called my boss when they couldn't get hold of me.
So the peace feels a bit fragile right now. Has anyone been through a similar situation? What happened? And how are you doing now?
.....
Kitty, kitty, purr I love your pretty brown fur You are my sunshine