r/raisedbyborderlines

Trigger warning >!sexual abuse and violence!<

I'll be visiting my mom next week

I don't want to

I finally opened up to my therapist that certain things my mom did were >!sexual abuse!< but no one I've told ever sees it that way. Like I'm gaslit by everyone almost that because she was my mom she >!owned my body and could use it however she liked!<

She'd make religious and medical excuses for things. Or just stuff like saying I don't need privacy because she's my mom.

It's so hard to not feel crazy about what she did because I'm sure she doesn't see it that way. I'm an extension of herself to her so naturally >!I only exist for her to feel good, so touching me anywhere she liked is fine since it made her feel good!<

She'd use excuses like making sure clothes fit properly >!to grope me even in changing rooms in stores, even though there was no reason for her to not just believe me about my bras fitting etc - she'd actually make me buy ones much too small because she'd say I needed to be sexier for her!<

So... I opened up about all of this and my therapist asked me if I actually wanted to go on the trip to see my mom. And of course I don't. She won't respect any boundaries. She at least isn't as >!handsy!< As when I was a kid. But even though I've repeatedly asked her not to she will probably forcefully kiss me. I'll want to vomit.

I never want to see her again

But it doesn't feel that easy.

I'd essentially be blocking my entire family at that point.

It would potentially kill her.

I'd have to explain to people why I don't

I'd have to explain to my in-laws why we no longer need a trip to the airport

My husband still thinks it'd be worse for me

Despite everything she's still my mom and I still love her and want her to be happy and have all these programmed impulses to do stuff that would make her happy. It was hard not to order her flowers on mother's Day just because it would make her happy.

My brother >!is violent and dangerous and genuinely might hurt someone I care about once I block her< or otherwise just come harass me, or contact my employer to try to get me fired, I blocked him first but don't know that my mom wouldn't try to use him to hurt me still!<

So it's complicated.

So I'm going to see her next week.

Probably I'll see her 2x a year until she dies. 2x a year isn't that bad right?

I (30F) recently got gay married a few weeks ago (yay!) and my highly religious and homophobic uBPD parent (65) has predictably not handled this well.

My parent is the type of religious where they "love" the sinner but hate the sin. This basically means that I've endured years of emotional abuse and neglect in the name of bringing me back to God's light.

After a particularly nasty series of waify messages from their side a few days ago, and lots of crying from mine, I've made the call to go NC for the first time ever, which I made clear in an email.

I've never actually considered going full NC until I saw how reading just one or two of the messages out loud affected my wife. The messages were directed at me, but obviously contained a lot of reference to how homosexuality is shameful/sinful. Seeing the shock and hurt on my wife's face, who grew up in a very open and accepting family, was the wake up call I needed, I think.

Not to get too soppy about marriage, but I had this moment where I realized that I had just read all these vows about building an amazing life together, starting a family, and being a shelter for one another.

I don't think I've ever really felt able to shelter myself from my parent, but I sure as fcking hell know I can shelter my wife and whatever family we build one day from ever dealing with the shit I had to deal with.

So I took the day off yesterday to write my letter. I sent it, disabled my notifications, took a nice long bath, ordered takeout, and chilled with my wife and pets.

I feel like a weight has temporarily been lifted off my shoulders, but I feel too suspicious of the silence to really relax yet. Whenever I've asserted boundaries in the past, I've gotten a wave of calls, messages, unexpected house visits, they've even called my boss when they couldn't get hold of me.

So the peace feels a bit fragile right now. Has anyone been through a similar situation? What happened? And how are you doing now?

.....

Kitty, kitty, purr I love your pretty brown fur You are my sunshine

F27 and NC for nearly 2 years now with my mom and her side of the family. My mom didn't really reach out after I went NC with her - one of the only (and the last) messages she sent me was 1 year ago where she asked to see me. After I responded and asked if she could please tell me what she would like to discuss with me, she never responded, and that was that. It was painful, because I often fantasized about her apologizing and putting in the work to make things right. I am still in the process of accepting that that will most likely never happen. The thing I struggle with the most in this is finding a sense of closure for myself. It almost feels like I need to confront her one last time to close this chapter for good, but we all know how that ends with BPD parents. It might not be worth the immense stress that comes with it, and the risk of getting sucked into the abuse again. What did you do that helped you to get some closure and acceptance?

As a small child, after I do something small that would upset her, (ex. Talking to her while she’s on the phone because I wanted her attention) she’d express her hatred towards me and it would make me cry. I would think she hated me. Then afterwards she says “I don’t hate you I hate your actions” which was confusing for me as a kid.

Is this a BPD thing? Is it verbally abusive? Or is this a usual thing parents say to their kids. I can’t tell what’s normal and what’s not anymore

(I do not have any other accounts)

~ purring constantly

A can of tuna daily

Happy to relax :3~

Did anyone else's mom lie about her entire life to you? My mom is not diagnosed but she fits all the criteria. Please let me know if this post is not allowed

My mom lied to me about how she met my dad

She lied about how she spent her 20s and 30s

She lied about her religion when I was young enough to not recognize the cognition dissonance she was forcing me to have between her beliefs and actions

She lied about the miscarriage that happened after I was born

She lied about being Mormon then Christian

She lied about cheating on my dad with multiple men (and possibly women)

She gaslights too, still to this day. Now that she's 70 I think apart of her gaslighting is her only way to keep functioning because accountability would destroy her.

She also lied about having Alzheimer's -like symptoms at the moment... If I bring up her signs of aging she gets defensive, shuts down, and won't talk to me

She HATED when people brought up her age or called her ma'am. She had me at 44. My whole childhood was her crying in the car after a cashier called her ma'am.

I found a photo of her and my dad with my oldest sister when she was born and she only responded on the live call with "how did you find that."

So yeah. Was anyone else's mom a constant liar for no clear reason? Extremely secretive.

She also got a lot of piercings and tattoos as she got into her mid to late 50s. She would leave my sister and I at the library, sometimes for 6+ hours, while she went to the "gym" aka cheated on my dad

This sub has become my safe space where I feel validated and supported by wonderful people (thank you!). I recently posted here how my pwbpd horribly reacted during my undergrad commencement. I'm still processing/overcoming what she did, but what's really disturbing me is how she's now acting normal as if nothing had happened. I foolishly apologized to her after how she emotionally blackmailed me throughout the entire day, so she decided to "drop the matter" and get over "her disappointment/anger." I hate how I catered to her feelings, and I'm disappointed in myself. Through all this, I am feeling a mix of intense sadness, deep disgust with her, anger at her, and sorry for myself. I just don't know where to go from here. Sadness is the most intense emotion I'm feeling now because all of my friends have mothers who celebrated them and didn't make the commencement about themselves. I think her behavior on my graduation was the point of no return to me; I now know that I must give up on my hope of her becoming a mother to me, and this knowledge is just too hard to get over. Thankfully, I'm moving out soon to a far place (1,278 mi) and have resolved that I'll go LC. To my surprise, she somehow felt that I'd do that, so yesterday, she said I must call her every day or send her a text because she'll otherwise be so worried about me. I held firm and said there'll be days when I'll be too busy to call, so I won't call. She tried to push and make me feel guilty, but I surprisingly held firm. She accepted it with resentment and said, "At least let me know which days they will be." I am so sad that I won't have a mother to turn to when things get tough. I am just wondering if any of you has managed to come to terms with this sadness.

Hi everyone. I have been NC with my BPD mom for months and it’s really important to me to preserve it, after fighting so hard to get there. My 90-year-old father is in hospice and I have to decide if I want to be in the room with him and my mother while he is dying. I visited him yesterday and said all the important things, so the closure is there in that regard.

To be honest, I don’t want to sit in a room with my mother acting out and being abusive and histrionic after she basically killed him with her Munchausen’s BS. And being in contact with her again may be destabilizing to my mental health.

Yet, what is the moral thing to do here? Will he know that I am not there as he is dying in a morphine haze? Will I regret not being there later?

I’m so confused.

I feel completely torn apart by my relationship with my mom right now.

Over the past year or so, I’ve finally started realizing that she almost certainly has BPD. I have a vague memory of the term being bandied around when I was a kid and she was in therapy, but I don't know if there was ever a formal diagnosis. She does not identify as BPD. I was the GC when I was a kid, so was witness to the way she treated others but not the victim of it. Becoming an adult, however, and differentiating from her, was the beginning of the end for our relationship.

Reading about BPD has been like someone secretly documenting my adult relationship with her, and what I witnessed in her engagement with others as a child: the emotional volatility, the guilt, the rage, the victimhood, the fear of abandonment, the way every boundary becomes proof that I’m cruel or rejecting her.

For the first time in my life, I’ve been trying to set actual healthy boundaries and protect myself emotionally instead of endlessly managing her feelings. Predictably, this has gone very badly. The backlash has been intense. According to her, I am cruel, selfish, uncaring, and have “broken her completely” (this quote was because I opted out of Christmas this year due to the utter toxicity of our family's current dynamic [sister is also BPD and has severe alcoholism and cannot care for herself; it's a barrel of fun when everyone gets together).

What makes it all even harder is that she also has stage 4 cancer. She’s not immediately terminal, but she’s declining physically and mentally, and the fear and instability seem to be making her symptoms much worse. She spirals constantly now. She lashes out, pushes people away, then wants us all to act like nothing happened and everything is fine once she's over it. Every interaction feels loaded with guilt and emotional landmines, and I feel like the worst person in the world.

At the same time, I also know that her illness didn’t suddenly create these dynamics. They’ve existed my entire life, and the diagnosis has just amplified everything. I’m realizing how much of my identity has been built around my own guilt and trying to prevent her emotional explosions.

I genuinely do love her. I don’t want her to suffer. I don’t want her to feel abandoned. But I also feel like I’m drowning trying to hold together someone who refuses help and turns every attempt at self-protection into evidence that I’m abusive or heartless.

My last engagement with her was texting that I just needed her not to be mean to me, then we could at least try reengaging. This was met with complete DARVO, and I told myself I was done. But she's having a bad week, physically, and it's just so hard.

For info, my therapist is NC with her own BPD mother and I'm just now starting EMDR.

I know plenty of you have been here, or are here right now. I see the posts, and it's so helpful to know I'm not alone.

Have any of you been able to figure out what compassion that doesn't completely destroy you looks like?

What are the things you do to regulate yourselves when the guilt becomes crushing?

AM I a terrible person for focusing on myself while she's dying?

I know I can't save her, or fix her, and I know that nothing will ever be enough to fill her deep well of need, but could I be just a little more open to being there for her?

black fur shining in the sun

collecting the heat

my own little footwarmer

Hello everyone! It's been a while since I've posted! I'm not sure where to start, but I need some advice.

[TW: physical abuse, burnout, not exactly sewerslidal ideation but exhaustion to the point of not caring?]

To give a quick rundown, I have been caretaking for my uBPDmom and (potential sociopath)diagnosed Schizoaffective older sibling. So much so, to the point where it has affected my ability to work due to extreme burnout. I've been applying for jobs, even went to a temp agency - I either don't hear back or turn down opportunities because these two unstable individuals need help at all hours of the day and night.

(Even now I'm running on two hours of sleep)

My mom is elderly but not diagnosed with anything and still works (by courtesy of me, btw - because I literally end up working from home to complete HER WORK TASKS while job searching. Even when I was employed, I was often doing two workloads. Hers and mine. I have more stories about that...I used to hide in the bushes at one of her old jobs and sneak in to help her work. If I didn't, I'd get beaten. It's kinda funny actually, I'm cracking up as I write this😭it's too absurd)

As a result of this, I do not get paid for being a caretaker by Medicaid/Medicare.

For some background, for YEARS I have been telling mom to move from where we currently live - because we live in the dust bowl (like literal, actual dust storms that topple 18 wheelers and stuff) middle of nowhere, fracking/oil/natural gas area (so the pollution is intense).

Mom moved from a big city to this place during my senior year of Highschool to maintain control. Social isolation and extreme ongoing abuse wasn't enough, to maintain her grip she needed geographical isolation thrown in the mix.

She moved here with no contigency plans (I.e: use daughter as cash cow). I became the breadwinner fresh out of high school because it was either move to the middle of nowhere and have a roof over my head OR be homeless in the largest city (by population) in the US.

As you guys can imagine, at 17 I had to make a harrowing choice as social services did not give a HOOT. (But now that I look back...)

When we first moved to ((MIDDLE OF NOWHERE)) it made me horrifically sick. She didn't care. Now she's getting sick and wants a change of pace, years later - after holding me hostage with physical abuse, complete financial control, and watching my health deteriorate with no effs given.

Welp...moms' attitude of, "what's yours is mine, and what's mine is mine" hasn't been yielding good results anymore. She's wrung EVERYTHING from me. I'm constantly terrified, she screams at me and hits me, and the fear doesn't even induce panic filled focus anymore. I kept two jobs while going to school, and building her side business while handing over every cent (including student disbursements) for the longest because the terror kept me going.

I'd hand over anything to avoid getting strangled into oblivion. Now I'm like, "please, if you're gonna take me out the game just make it quick😭✌️."

Her last big one was taking a settlement I came into. She was able to use it, but not in the way she wanted (use it as a downpayment for a home/capital for a business) due to circumstances.

(This is on top of confiscating every cent, using violence and isolation to coerce me into opening lines of credit on her behalf, and genuinely just sabotaging everything from my credit, to my education, to my friendships. Just...ugh).

So, she resents me even more because she couldn't use both me and the settlement.

So Now: Mom wants to take out a small loan to relocate. But the kicker is - I DO NOT WANT TO MOVE WITH HER. She's not too old to start over, but she insists that I must "pave the way" and get her settled, then I'll be "released" from "my duty" to live my own life. (Gee, Thanks! I guess...you told me this at 18 and a decade later I'm still held hostage!)

The kicker is - she is banking on my potential income (when we relocate) to pay it back.

Do I:

A) stay silent, fill out the loan, dip - and let her figure it out on her own.

Or

B) Tell her that i'm not moving with her upfront - and that I'll assist her with filling it out, but she will be totally responsible for her own relocation and that we will part ways when the lease ends.

My heart is saying 🅱️ (because oh my gosh I don't know why I still care about her. Am I an idiot? Do I love the F.O.G?) but my mind is saying 🅰️

(I don't want her to get screwed over, even though she never about me. I don't feel good even if it's the natural consequences of her actions. I also feel as if I'm being sneaky by not disclosing that I don't want to move with her, but I'm afraid of her violent tirades).

The triple whammy? I tried B SEVERAL TIMES in the past and it's what lead to...bad things.

What do you guys recommend? A, B, or [OTHER CHOICE]. Is there some middle ground? I don't trust my mom to manage things for herself in my absence. (Although again, why can't I stop caring! I feel that if I tell her that I'm not moving with her, she will try to sabotage my opportunities once again and that she won't move at all after signing for the loan)

I wish life was a movie and that I had a friend who could pick me up in the middle of the night, toss my phone out the window, and we go cross country and crash for a bit after blocking everybody🤣🚙💨

I see so much about overbearing mothers with BPD in books and on Reddit, but with my mother (likely undiagnosed BPD.) it is just the opposite. I have abandonment fears and she knows this, and throughout my life there’s always been a push-pull where she loves me and wants to be enmeshed with me, but then of course gets mad at me for various asinine reasons. On several occasions she has said or implied that she can no longer be in my life because I’m [insert all the horrible things about me here] and as much as as I know she’s not well, it’s just really hard to have a mother who can so easily discard you. I wish I had a mom who offered unconditional, consistent love. I’m working in therapy to heal in so many ways but I guess I’m just looking for others whose mothers pattern isn’t to just be overbearing and obsessed with their kid, but rather indifferent and uninterested in them and go so far as to cut them off when they’re angry or hurt.

I am incredibly grateful for this community, who have helped me grow and heal so much through the years, with your unwavering support and reality checks.

I am in need of one of those reality checks tonight! My dBPD mom has been a financial mess for at least my entire life, and I'm 43! She quit her full-time job with no backup plan in 1999, and has just kind of been wandering around, surviving on disability and now social security payments, ever since. For many years, she was counting on money from an inheritance that never came. Her only real financial asset was that she owned our family home outright, following a divorce from my dad. She is also a gambling addict.

She and I have been NC for about 15 years, with maybe 3 or 4 one-time moments of contact in there.

A year or two ago, I learned just from googling her that she had gotten a reverse mortgage, failed to pay it back, and her house was being foreclosed on (I found some of the related legal filings). She never contacted me about it back then, and when I was concerned and thought about reaching out and getting financially involved, a lot of people on here talked sense into me, and I never reached out to her.

Well, she finally reached out to me about it. In an incredibly long text (which, I am sure you can guess, did not include the words "please," "how are you," or anything else that wasn't about herself and how she was feeling), she told me what I already knew, which was that she was in the hole and being foreclosed, and needed a large amount of money to stop the foreclosure.

Part of me did wonder if I should try to assume ownership of her house, for a few reasons:

- I did love that house, I love the community, and the idea of it going to a horrible corporate bank, with all of my childhood mementos still in it, breaks my heart. I should also note that the area has gotten much fancier through the years, and I could never afford a house there now.

-I thought maybe it could be a decent financial decision. I have been saving for a down payment on a house for a number of years, and thought maybe if I bought her house and had her as a tenant, I would get my money back and then some when I sold the house after she died.

-I also had, for the first time maybe ever, a moment of pitying my mother. She lies constantly about health issues and other problems to try to get my attention, but I know this time that the problem is real. I have no interest in having her back in my life, but I do feel some empathy regarding the fact that, due to the way her childhood played out, there's no timeline where she's not BPD and out of control.

All of this financial instability is 100% her decisions and her fault, but her having to move out at 75 did tug on my heartstrings.

This is where I need you fine folks to talk some sense into me. My trying to buy this house and have her as a tenant is an especially bad idea because:

-the amount of money she needs = slightly more than my complete life savings. I have been saving for a house for over a decade to get that amount of money, and it is still not the number she mentions needing, so I don't even know where I would get the extra money — borrow it???

-I just got laid off! I have a lot of freelancing lined up, my expenses are limited, I don't have kids or pets, I am married (though I was the breadwinner and my husband doesn't make much money) and I have the aforementioned savings, so I am not super-scared financially. I am actually a little excited to get some training to pivot to a more stable line of work.

But...all that would go out the window if all my savings were tied up with my mom's house, because then I would be totally broke in the moment, and need to find new work this exact second just to get by month-to-month.

-even if I bought it and my mom was the tenant, my mom will probably find some way to screw me over. My mom and I first went NC, close to 20 years ago, when I found out she had drained my childhood bank account — checks from relatives, bonds, etc, that totaled $30k. She said she spent more than that much raising me, so she was entitled to it. She also opened credit cards in my dad's name when they were divorcing. She is a Witch type, and constantly absorbed in a fantasy that everyone except her is very wealthy, so if she defrauds them or harms them financially, it won't matter or hurt them because they are so rich.

Fine people of this sub, please give me a reality check! I have always just ignored her texts in the past, but this one is weighing on me.

(If you read the texts, you might think something got cut off — but nope — she literally began her monologue with "I have no money."

Also if you read the texts: my dad does not have millions of dollars, lol. He also hates my mother and would obviously not lend me any money to help her even if he had it)

https://preview.redd.it/8gxk4d1ng72h1.png?width=552&format=png&auto=webp&s=b88647c1d3d122ca85270e4a71dcb71163697510

https://preview.redd.it/j2i2ycb4272h1.png?width=720&format=png&auto=webp&s=662f3463c8340c8b863928f973d57a46be9097ae

Here's the cat haiku :

Kitty likes plastic

Confuses for litter box

Don't leave tarp around

So it's my first post here. Before I used to vent about my mom's behavior to other groups but people dont seem to get it. Then I discovered this sub and it all made sense.

First of all, my mom is not only BPD she's also got bipolar. Which is why I never understood why she was like this. Thought it was bipolar but.. Therapist explained to me her behavior were borderline and explained to me what is was. Side note, I cannot be independant for now as I have my own health issue and unable to work atm.

So here I am because sincerely I just DONT KNOW how to deal with all the sh*t. Every day I wake up early but today I had nothing planned so I slept. I have stopped helping her in the kitchen because of all the abuse that happened all these years. She now picks on me a lot and it's not easy to deal with it but I stopped caring over time. This time I care because she got right at me in front of my small nephews/nieces that came to spend the afternoon, they're kot supposed to be exposed to violent speech but here we are, she said with lot of sarcasm in her voice that "it's so nice to come when everything is ready" (she means that she cooked), when I actually came to stay with the kids when they were eating. So I told her it's not that I didnt want to help, I just fell asleep. Then she keeps being in her "mocking" self. I said I wouldnt eat of she doesnt like it, then I walked away and she started yelling at me in front of the kids. I felt so bad because I dont want them to see all of this. The thing with my mom is, she s got different personalities, and yesterday, when I learned I had endometriosis, she was nice for the first time in a long time (she kinda downplayed it tho.. and made it about herself, unloaded her own gyn trauma, stuff she went through) and then today she's back to being mean for no reason, also she deciced long ago that I was a bad person (I was always the most calm, obedient girl growing up, I just couldnt do it when I became an adult because of so much abuse) she s literally the person that hurt me the most imo. In her eyes , there's a whole "me" she created which is a bad, bad girl.

I have basically stopped trying to have a normal relationship with her but she always uses against me in front of family members, saying how I dont help her at home (I do, she just has.. well, BPD). Recently I started trying to stop the "war" by being more gentle towards her after I learned she went through abuse in her childhood (she unpacked all her traumatic memories to me over time BUT the childhood one she doesnt talk about it and she always forget that she alread unloaded her trauma to me she keeps doing so...). Yesterday I had to tell her I cannot bear listening to it anymore (since it's damaging to my own mental health and she knows it) that she needs therapy, like EMDR or so and as usual she blatantly refused to seek help saying she s perfectly okay.

This all must sound so classic to y'all but I just need to vent because whenever I tried to speak about it to my sisters they always kinda try to find excuses for her, except one of my big sis (which also has the highest level of enmeshment imo) she was, along with me, the most abused by mom. She still doesnt fully see the "evil" part of mom though. She keeps trying to make mom love her. My other sis which I talked to about it is supportive of me and knows how scary mom can get but at the same time she also dont see the full picture. I told her it's because when she left home (my older sis are married), mom had to change her bipolar meds and her behavior worsened. Tbh being the pnlu one who actually sees the whole picture makes me feel so alone and frustrated.

It's difficult to write about it because it's often so subtle. I have c-ptsd and got burnt out these past few years. Now about to get a treatment because I discovered I had adhd along the way.

Last time I saw therapist she said I finally became adult because now when mom speaks mean stuff to me it doesnt hurt me anymore, I dont go all dysregulated and spiralling like I used to.

There's more to unload but I dont want to write too much also my thoughts are disorganised. I just feel sad because this was supposed to be a good day and now she kinda once again SPLIT me from the kids (she often did that idk why but all my nephews/nieces love me a lot, and she often kinda yell/dismiss/mock me in front lf them). She dislikes a lot the fact that I have put boundaries now and her little power moves dont work on me because I've fully accepted thzt I'm "the bad child" in her eyes. Took me 27years tho... Now I'm 29. I really want to leave home but atm cannot. I want to be financially independant it's my goal.

I posted in this subreddit a while back talking about how I’m going to buy my own groceries and stuff and essentially become financially independent from my parents. With that, my mother has had behavior to try and make me say something but it’s actually exactly what I want.

For starters. Buying my own groceries. I put it in a mini fridge that’s mine. In retaliation, my mother bought a whole new fridge and freezer set and put it in the garage and she’s like this is my food. Like ok good lmao that’s exactly what I want. We now have 3 goddamn fridges and freezers in my house 😂

Celebrating my birthday. My mother didn’t say happy birthday or get me anything at all expecting me to say something. But that’s exactly what I want. So she can no longer say she buys me stuff and use it against me in the future.

Paying for my own gym membership. Now she’s building an at home gym just for herself. Like ok I don’t wanna touch it that’s all yours boo.

This is only the beginning she’s definitely trying to get me to say something but little does she know this is exactly what I want. Living our own separate lives in the same house like we’re not even with eachother.

Okay I genuinely don’t know what to feel or what to do. My mom got mad at me over a month ago for talking to someone she doesn’t like. She was so angry at me that she didn’t say anything to me on Easter or on my birthday in April. She’s never given me the silent treatment like that before. Fast forward to now, I didn’t reach out on Mother’s Day. She just sent me a message asking how I am and what’s new - and I honestly don’t know what to say or do because it feels like she’s completely skipping over everything that happened and her poor behavior? Am I supposed to brush everything over and move on?

I took all the supportive advice from this crowd and just...didn't call my mom today to be talked at. I texted her the truth (I had a very long, physically and mentally taxing day at work) and let her know I would catch up tomorrow with an update on (important work thing she definitely should know about but probably doesn't).

She left me on read, which should feel fine, but it doesn't. It's like I can feel her seething at me from miles away and hear the tantrum she is having at my dad. Does this feeling go away? It's like I can predict that she is incredibly unregulated and have to help calm her down even though I'm nowhere near her. I am meeting with a new therapist next week and am hoping she can help me sort through stuff, but for now, things are painful in a way I didn't expect.

Posted before, adding a cat pic anyway.

I'm not sure if other bpd mothers are like this, but my mom is really hell-bent on her role as an on paper mom still. I'm 28, and my brother is 32 (he had to move back home for a while). And my mom complains about having to do the groceries, cook, clean- when no one really asked her to. My father works and comes home really late, my brother works odd hours, and it's just me and her at home. And she's always up my ass about losing weight- so I insist on cooking my own food that I weight out.

But my mom makes it such a big deal that we don't eat what she cooks and we HAVE to eat what she cooks because she's the mom and she knows what we need to eat because if it weren't for her, we would be eating junk food all day- which could not be further from the truth.

But it's not just about food. She complains that we don't know how to do anything but also has to accompany us whenever we do the laundry because we "won't do it right". She's constantly on us about doing things but she seems to neglect other chores? Like cleaning the sink, cleaning the bathtub, cleaning the fridge out etc. But it's these other things that she feels the need to do because we once depended on her for it. And she just wants to hold onto that power that we need her for survival. But we're past that. And she doesn't like it. And she rages and calls us ungrateful, fat, stupid, for pushing her away.

https://preview.redd.it/9n21n2jav42h1.jpg?width=822&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f5213b5ef2f3d2bcb52ec6f37e99a0da9ae8bc37