It's tough for us adhd programmers sometimes we just need to think outside the box (and execute the thinking)
What is going on wtf am I paying 7 dollars for a kilo of capsicums, how is Lebanese cucumbers 8 a kilo!! Nah it’s actually insane I thought last year the prices were ok but this year they are actually ludicrous
I have 7 years experience, I never studied leetcode, I did not go to university for a Computer Science Degree. I am passing to the 2nd or third interview so me talking about coding, or my personality seems to be ok-ish but once I am put in front of 2 cold as fuck usually dudes I freeze up I cannot remember my birthday let alone anything else, I dunno I also find it really intimidating 2 dudes just fucking grilling you as a female. I dunno I just really need a job I need money and I feel so ashamed my brain is just shit and not letting me do it. In my job I am not a 10 x er but I get the job done I know how to reverse engineer in my own time I do not remember every flibbing syntax but I can google that, I am great at design too, and ye I feel pretty down and out.
??
I guess it’s like don’t plead with the tiger to let you go whilst you are in its jaws
I don’t have the tools for it to not be like this:(
Guess we are just going to be years of just this she has no concept of repair or wanting a better relationship what a going on here?
I know it’s bad but it makes my blood boil like every time my mum moves she will make like this groan or sigh and she now has this croaky voice i feel like she’s putting it on and also sniffling all the time.
Anyway amongst being emotionally and verbally abused my empathy for this lady is just diminishing
It doesn’t help she’s like sick every second week like how can a person be sick that often?! (She also seems to have a drinking problem, whilst on opioids?!!) ok rant over
I have 20 minutes talking to her already it’s how sick she is she hasn’t showered in days, my grandma is sick in hospital but she starts crying and I start consoling her. I had the same sickness as her the other day I just soldiered on didn’t complain, rest of my family support each other in their sadness about grandma she just consumes consumes consumes, like an energy eater.
It’s so different being around my uncles and aunties they are so talkative so nice to be around do things, my mum just like waits for someone to speak to her basically
??
What is this particular type of thing happening it really confuses me
Also I have so many letters where I say I hope you feel better there is literally nothing which turned out to be super bad, she had some small health issues but she made out to me like they were end of the world
Fuck there is just so much to unpack
So I’m a 35 year old woman and yesterday I confronted my mum about a really high amount of alcohol bottles I found in the recycling as I’m concerned as she is on heavy opioids aswell, I also found cigarette receipts but wtf do I care about that just more so the lying about it (smoke up honestly idgaf)
I approached it very nicely and she said I was attacking her and accusing her she flip flopped between denying everything to kind of giving truths.
About the ciggs (again wtf do I care but it just plays into sneaking around behaviour that goes hand in hand with the drinking) she kept asking me ‘oh do I smell like it’ I said no but I have this receipt and she was like oh if you have a receipt show me (lol she’d probably take it from me) I was just like are you smoking and she kept on being like prove it, I said so this receipt isn’t yours and she’s like oh I only tried it once like a year ago lol it was a receipt for 2 huge packets so just changed up her story once she knew I had evidence I said this receipt is from 2 months ago and says ‘oh it FELT like a year ago. Bruv do you think I’m born yesterday and why are you acting like a caught teenager and not a mother.
Again I don’t care about ciggs but why is she acting like a teenager being caught by a parent, she is just a habitual lier and it’s like how can this lady be my mum she has gaslit me my whole entire life and I finally felt like wow I have proof of something I suspected for a long time and she chooses to lie and gaslight over having a relationship with her daughter. She said I’m attacking her for being concerned about drinking huge amounts whilst on heavy opioids, I said any normal daughter would be.
She’s hinted at suicide before indirectly before and she said then she hates her life and she has nothing and this is why she’s drinking.
Then we went into a tyrade where I was trying to get her to stop gaslighting me and shutting me down she then said she was upset to hear this and she has feelings to and that she is hurt 🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🫠🫠🫠🫠
Anyway she has many brothers and sisters who are all so amazing and I watch the relationships that they have with their children and they are beautiful I know that this relationship I have with my mum is not normal
Ye anyway at that stage I reverted to a child and was begging her to hear me
End of rant sorry if all over the place
What do you think?
???
For example I got married, and she literally was so dismissive , I had my wedding dress delivered by mail and I said holding the box I received it and she said nothing and started talking about something else. But when I faced an illness similar to what she had she was so incredibly sympathetic and listening and talkative about that topic, I now have recovered from the illness and she can hardly make a conversation.
What is this?