u/OrdinaryBroccoli3733

Or even if you can just give me some random tactics/advice that helped you? Thanks.

For background, if you want:

I’m doing yellow-rock method - doesn’t work brilliantly but it’s better than before and most of the time I feel a little more safe.

I tried therapy after a long waiting list, but it started before I realised my mother had BPD (when I still hero worshipped her) and I just can’t open up to them anyway - also most of them veiw my mother as a (albeit slightly overprotective) hero-mum.

Plus, the therapy I do now isn’t talking therapy, it’s a different kind which uses very little communication.

Currently I’m just dependent on my mother - and not even just financially, my mental health is literally fucked and currently I’m so sick I don’t attend school and can’t even leave the house alone without constant panic attacks and endangering my safety.

I feel like I’m in an impossible situation of wanting independence but needing too much support to have it.

What should I do?

Christ I just wish I had a normal family and a half decent childhood.
Sorry that this always turns into a rant - this is the only place online or even irl where I’m honest, appreciate it a lot.

So far today, at 15:26:
- my mother with BPD overstepped my boundaries by meddling in my friendship with someone who I’m realising might be toxic.
- I tried to ignore it and plan what I was going to do when this toxic friend came round. But I just couldn’t put up with it anymore.
- So I confronted my mother. Stupid idea - I know.
Rather than her usual highly-defensive reaction telling me how I’m being unreasonable and how selfish I am, she went full victim mode, saying she’s so sorry, only human, she tries her best, and so on. Caught me completely off guard, scared the shit out of me, literally dissociated.
- Contacted my father immediately because I thought I was going to faint or something.
- I started having a panic attack (suffer from PTSD and several other illnesses) so when he got home he just held my hand. My mum just lurked. But at this point I started feeling bad for her.
- Much has happened since. She is now storming around the house aggressively cleaning. When anyone engages she snaps at them. Started banging around with the hoover so much my ears are literally ringing.
- And has just stormed in asking us to “do this one thing for her” and help fix the hoover.

Anyways. It sucks.

But I’m so grateful for this subreddit.

It may have saved my life this last week or so of being on it. It has also convinced me to try the yellow rock method from now on, so hopefully things will get calmer.

Hiya. 🙃
Teen, live with my BPD mother, want some advice.

Okay, I’m going to be completely honest..
I haven’t done huge amounts of research on the grey rock method - last time I tried to, the whole idea seemed intimidating and like I was going to have to lose my whole personality, it really scared me and made me quickly give up.

I’m gradually reading more about it: keeping responses short, carefully removing myself from tense situations, spending time out of the house, being as uninteresting as possible.

And, I’m trying again, but I am quite reluctant - I have some (rather cluttered and rant-y) questions & would appreciate some advice from people with experience.

I do know I have to make my own decisions but I need some help, because frankly I have no idea what I’m doing, so:

- What are the pros and cons to the grey rock method that aren’t talked about often? Are there any?

- Do I have to use the grey rock method all of the time?
Like can I use it on the bad days and not on good days?
For context: my mother has some episodes when it’s much “better” and some when it’s a lot, lot worse.
While when I’m older I plan on cutting almost all communication unless she takes the initiative to look after herself, right now I don’t want to have to live in a cold and dull household where no one talks to each other.
But then surely it’s selfish to only engage with her on good days? It’s just she can be so nasty and manipulative on bad days?

- Should I suggest it to family members?
For context: my sister (though I may love her to bits), is a ticking time bomb who takes no prisoners. She is aware of mother’s BPD and has received the worst of my mother’s verbal abuse.
Basically, she refuses to put up with it anymore.
But, other than getting stuff off of her chest, I don’t think she does any good with her arguments because it just helps my mother play the victim.
But it does seem like an awful thing to suggest when she’s only standing up for herself.

- Is it not often more exhausting using the grey rock method than not?
For context: I’m figuring out my identity and for once, I’m getting more and more confident about it - and with that confidence I’m feeling brave enough to speak my mind and be who I want to be…
But I feel like if I just try to blend into the background I’ll lose that.
Can that happen?
I just really, really want to be able to defend myself when she says something unreasonable or nasty but using this method I don’t think I will be able to.

Sometimes I’m quite jealous of my sister’s ability to just say what is on her mind, I’ve always looked up to her, always waited until the day I would have the strength to do so too, and now I finally do, I’ve been recommended to use the grey rock method.
It makes me feel like all the anger I have I just need to carry around with me.

Long story short I’m very, very confused, and feel a confusing mix of many, very much contrasting, emotions 😅

I really appreciate any advice.

I didn’t realise how much ocd controls my life until today, when I didn’t do almost any rituals / compulsions.

It feels incredibly freeing to just not have to do all of the stuff that ocd voice in my head manipulates me into doing. Even if the thoughts are still there and honestly pretty terrifying, my load feels lighter.

I just wanted to remind as many people with ocd as I can that they’re valid, and much, much, much stronger than they think - after all, you’re still here on this subreddit fighting, aren’t you?

OCD sucks, there’s no denying it, and yet we’re all still fighting!

I hope this spreads some joy, even if it’s just a little bit.

(Also, I’m new to talking about my OCD and know very little about the correct terminology and so on, other than what therapists - who do not have OCD - have told me, so feel free to correct any that’s a bit iffy)

Im secondary adrenal insufficient rather than Addisons disease, female, relatively young - not sure if any of this is relevant, sorry, new to Reddit and this subreddit especially! 😅

I have almost all of the signs of adrenal crisis all of the time, apart from the most serve - seizures, loss of consciousness, vomiting, diarrhoea. 😕

I’m constantly struggling with: low blood pressure, tiredness, fatigue, dizziness, weakness, I’m always craving water and salty foods even though I eat a healthy diet and hydrate well, have low concentration, I look pale and struggle with feeling shivery even when not cold, often have literally no appetite for days at a time, and at the moment getting very mild but present kidney pain.
The only symptom that has stopped is constant migraines.

I have an appointment with an endocrinologist soon, but I’m not sure what to say. 😓
I feel like I’m constantly dismissed.
Nothing changes after my appointments, despite me explaining how much my symptoms are impacting my life and work.
I think they expect me to say “I need this, this, and this” but I’m not the doctor, I don’t know what I need!
Im just bored of feeling exhausted and can’t find a solution.
I have vaguely looked into something about how females with adrenal insufficiency don’t produce much testosterone and that can cause fatigue and weakness, so I might mention that.

It’s been almost two years since diagnosis (had symptoms for three-four years, took a while to get diagnosed), and they are not even sure what caused my insufficiency, and don’t seem bothered about finding out.
Three months ago, I had what may have been an adrenal crisis and took my injection, went to hospital, they weren’t sure what it was, aren’t bothered about finding out.
Kept me in hospital for a day or two then when symptoms left they were fine to let me go.

I understand this post is incredibly cluttered, so I do apologise.
In all honesty I’m not even sure what I’m hoping to achieve, perhaps just a rant to see if anyone understands.

Does anyone have any advice?
If anyone has experienced the same thing, do you have any suggestions?
Does anyone know what has helped them make doctors listen to them in the past?

Thanks in advanced for literally any reply/replies I receive, it’s so appreciated ❤️