u/Top-Attitude-6026

I’m 33F and went to in state college for my bachelors followed by getting my masters online while working full time (more than full time actually - more like 60 hours a week). I graduated bachelors in 2016, graduated masters in 2023. I’ve worked a full time accounting job this whole time, and over the last 10 years I’ve worked 3 separate other part time jobs.

The loans in my name were $90,000 - as of 2 days ago I’ve finally paid them off in full!!!!! I’m so happy. Now the tricky part - my mom took out parent plus loans saying she’d help me with undergrad. Since 2016 I would send her $325 a month towards those loans, because after I graduated- she basically said her version of “help” was that they wouldn’t be in my name. So I sent her the cash for the loans. She’s always been that game playing / disappointing way so I wasn’t very surprised. She’d never share the log-in information to her parent plus loan site or tell me the loan details (like how much was owed in total, the interest rate, etc). Fast forward to 2021 and she finally gives me the log in information. It’s $48,000 at 8% but the worst part is that the $325 I was paying was the minimum meaning it just covered the interest for the last 5 years (2016 until that point). I changed the auto pay details to my bank and upped the monthly payment to $470 to start actually attacking the principal. Again, disappointing but that’s always been her. She’s always a victim too if you call her out on anything.

Well since then, I’ve been paying it and seeing the principal go down. I called my colleges to verify the amount (because I have a twin brother) and there’s actually a $12,000 discrepancy - meaning that some of the parent plus loan was actually probably for his college (he went to a private out of state school).

I’m torn because I’ve paid about $17,000 on this loan before finding out it wasn’t actually touching the principal, and that some of the $48,000 loan is likely for my brother. I don’t think it’s right that during her time in stewardship of this loan, she basically botched actually any progress on it since I relied on her to tell me what I should pay each month (transferred to her bank account directly) before I took the loan over. Do I tell her that I’ll pay the 48,000 minus the 12,000 for my brother and then I’m done? Any advice is really appreciated. Thank you.

We are both 33 years old; have been dating for about 2.5 years, knew each other prior to dating. He’s a combat veteran with PTSD and major depressive disorder. I was single for 10 years before him so I have little dating experience.

We’ve lived together for about 2 years now and have different work schedules - I’m relatively 9-5 for 40 hours but certain times of year I’m regularly 60 hours a week including weekend days. He is 12:30pm until nearly 11pm and doesn’t have weekend days off. This is extra tricky since we don’t even have one full day off together every week. This definitely impacts our relationship.

He’s typically more masculine / blue collar job but lately we just feel like friends / roommates. He used to provide in his prior relationships but they’d cheat on him, so now he doesn’t want to provide. So we’re 50-50. It makes me resentful because I’ll do the majority of the grocery shopping, putting things away by myself, the majority of the cooking and cleaning, and I feel like he doesn’t really do anything special to make me feel cared about. My friends tell me about how their significant others will pay the bills or the majority of the bills, will fill their cars with gas, will fix their cars for them, will pay for beauty things sometimes as treats.

Meanwhile I’m buying my car parts online myself for car repairs, only get out if it’s to meet him at a bar after I’m off work, and we hardly even get dinner - he just likes to drink. No mention of an anniversary. I’m tired of not feeling like a girlfriend / not feeling prioritized. I want dates, flowers, an anniversary and an anniversary date that feels special. I just don’t feel special to my boyfriend. Any advice? Sorry I know this post is long

Meaning - I’m a bit of a fence sitter, but the more I love my boyfriend, the more I wonder if I didn’t want kids because my (uBPD) mom made it sound like her life is so awful because of us (my twin brother and I).

Does anyone have encouragement? That you had kids of your own and actually loved how it improved your life / made you feel?

Not being funny / sarcastic. I thought it was weird how controlling he was for the meal at the Thai place. 🥴🥴 wanting to dress her up, wanting to “see” that she tried texting her mom, the weird fuzzy big jackets he’ll wear. anyone else thought this?

There’s parts of the day where I want to be away from my computer sometimes without it immediately going inactive. I don’t want to get caught being on a call that’s just attended by myself, and not download any crazy software. What’s everyone doing?