scrolling the sub stresses me out so much i need to fix the issue. i can not go to sleep because whenever i try relaxing the thoughts come back and i just can't sleep
i just need a fix to this, i just broke up with my gf around a month ago and that's made this really spiral out of control. what do i do to fix this.
Hello. From as early as I can remember I have loved girls so much. All I wanted to do was look at them, talk to them, fantasize about them, anything you can name. When I was 12, I discovered Pornography, which basically is where it all started.
For a year, any chance I got I would consume porn. Why time I was alone, and at most times I would even try to get alone or cancel hangouts out family time to watch porn. Every day multiple times a day I would do it. Then, at 14, something happened.
I woke up one day (obviously masturbated to porn the night before), and a lot of my attraction had almost vanished. It was a weird experience but didn't stop me. I would still consume porn daily, but there was the initial feeling missing. It didn't bother me though.
I got into highschool and met this girl and had the forst ever real crush id ever had. In meeting her I decided to quit porn of all types, and quit masturbating. We dated for two years, and for 7 months I did not watch porn or jerk off at all. Then, we started to get sexual, which was an amazing expierence. It brought a whole new type of world to me and I would be ecstatic every day to do something with her (not only sexual).
I had no issues besides for when I would go on vacations, I would miss her deeply and almost lose attraction again and be so bored and lonely. I would say I went on around 7 vacations in the time we dated. When I got back though it was like it had never happened and we would be back.
Now coming into today we just recently broke up, I am now a junior in high school, and I am 17. In breaking up I got so scared I will never find another girl, and the breakup is still hurting a little bit as of today to be honest. Within that time, it felt like I was on vacation again, and it still feels that way. I get ups and downs but I started expierencing intrusive thoughts. I am not attracted to men, I dont plan to be any time soon, and men do not turn me on. But with the loss of attraction, I got scared I was gay, and tried to see if I was. I went back into porn to prove to myself I wasnt, and it has harmed me really bad, this is the most I have consumed porn. It leaves my mind feeling numb for women and no attraction anymore. I dont know how this thing really works, and again I am not gay, but i keep obsessing over the idea that I might be, and it has effected me every day since, some days less than others. All I want is to feel that attraction again, and I have made ways to cope, but any time I feel attraction again, the intrusive thoughts come back and I just forget about everything good I felt. If there is anyone with any help please let me know.