Acts more but says we are friends
Me F32 - him M34. Ok Guys, I need your help! First I am ok with either staying friends or building something with this man. We are VERY precious to each other and we DO NOT want to lose each other no matter what. This has been spoken about verbally between him and I. What do you think/ any advice?
I met Andre at a bar on September 7th. We instantly clicked because we had both recently separated from 7-year relationships and had coincidentally moved into the same neighborhood at the same time. Funny enough, I can literally see his apartment from mine.
At first, I wasn’t particularly romantically interested in him. I just thought he was a genuinely good person and felt comfortable around him. From that point on, we started seeing each other every week:
first walks, then walks + lunch, then walks + lunch + hanging out regularly. Over time, we naturally became part of each other’s daily lives.
We introduced each other to our friend groups. He started bringing me around his circle, and I did the same with mine. People around us constantly assumed we were together because the chemistry and closeness were obvious, even before anything physical happened.
By January, he admitted he had a crush on me. We kissed, he slept over, but I told him I didn’t want to do anything sexual that night and he respected it completely. The next day we kissed again and went to meet friends together. Honestly, from the outside we looked like a couple.
A couple months later, he told me about a girl he casually slept with. I encouraged him to continue seeing her because at the time we were still trying to maintain a friendship dynamic despite the obvious ambiguity and chemistry between us and also we were not looking for a relationship as we were still recovering from the last one.
In March, he met my mom. In front of her, he openly said he missed me. Around that same time, I asked him about the girl he had been casually seeing and he told me:
“I don’t want to talk about these kinds of things with you anymore.”
He also said I would meet her at an event because she was organizing it.
I did meet her, and honestly I liked her. I’m not a jealous person, so there was no drama. That night I had a little too much to drink and at one point confidently told him:
“We’re going home now. Your place.”
He later told me he was shocked because it wasn’t planned at all, but he followed my lead. We ended up sleeping together.
The next day, he texted me asking to come over to my place to “chill and talk about the night,” which I appreciated because he didn’t disappear or avoid the conversation afterward.
Since then, things have become emotionally much more intense but also more ambiguous.
Throughout the entire friendship/relationship:
strangers and friends constantly ask if we’re together
people openly comment on our chemistry
one friend literally said:
“I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but the energy is charged.”
Andre reacted strongly when I told him that multiple people noticed the chemistry.
He also:
\-randomly introduces me to his family on FaceTime
\-wants to bring me to Puerto Rico
\-tries to solve any problem I have or asks his friends for help
\-publicly compliments me
\-always stands by my side socially
\- currently learning my native language for the past few months.
\- openly saying that he is falling in love with my culture.
\- huge text for thanksgiving saying he Is grateful for me and it’s an honor to have me around him.
\- I am his EMERGENCY CONTACT and he openly tells his friend
\- at some point when de were walking at the park he grabbed my neck with one hand and started massaging it more or less intensely
\- every time we hangout he has a hard time to leave
repeatedly says things like:
“I can’t say no to you.”
“You make it very difficult to say no.”
“I will always pick up the phone if it’s you.”
openly says he misses me
tells me:
“You are a very powerful woman.”
“You’re more intelligent than me.”
jokes about future things like:
visiting France together
sharing land next to his someday
Recently, after returning from a trip, he invited me to dinner, picked me up himself, paid for everything, and brought me yellow roses. When I asked why yellow, he jokingly said “friendship” and looked up the meaning, which mentioned “platonic friendship.” We both started laughing because honestly “platonic” clearly doesn’t describe us anymore.
That same dinner, we reminisced in detail about the first night we slept together and laughed through the entire story together. He even reenacted the way I told him:
“We’re going home now.”
Apparently he still finds that moment memorable.
There’s also subtle jealousy. He often brings up the effect I have on other men. Recently he mentioned:
\-His friend Max “falling in love” with me and keeps texting him about me. He even sent a pic of me while him and I met and sent it to Andre. While having a drink with Max I mentioned that Andre was very precious to me. When Max admitted his feelings about me by text, before Max and I met, Andre said She is VERY precious to me.
Andre ended up telling me about it and I could see he was bothered. A man who is not interested in me wouldn’t have any reactions.
\-other men gravitating toward me
This is just some events, not the full picture: he has been very consistent with his actions since day one and very respectful as well. Basically his body and actions act like he wants to be with me but his mouth keeps saying « friendship ». He definitely puts me on a pedestal and I believe he things I am « too good ». I am just confused because we are getting along so well and we’re both very vulnerable/open with each other.
He never canceled our plans, always early at our rendez-vous, always respectful, always caring and protecting towards me.
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**TL;DR; : are his behaviors more romantically oriented or is he just being friendly? I never had a guy friend: picking me up+ booking restaurants+ being his emergency contact+ giving me roses (even yellow) + says I will always pick up the phone if I am
Calling + I can’t say no to you + introduce me to his family + puts me on a pedestal + very caring before and especially after intercourse (we did only twice)**.