Can’t stop. Can’t go on. Eternally stuck. No answers.
I now have over twenty-five years stuck with addiction to meth. My life has been a total waste. I have less than nothing to show for it. Over $60k in non-dischargeable student loan debt. No house. No job. No prospects. No nothing.
I’ve been to inpatient rehab six times. It does not work. I’ve been through 12 step programs. They do not work. I’ve tried religious based programs. I’ve tried scientific based programs. I’ve tried anything and everything I could get my hands on. Nothing works.
I’ve a place to live thanks to a housing program for homeless people with HIV. I’ve no food in the kitchen. I’ve got a car thanks to the generosity of my parents. I’ve no gas in the tank. Things have just gotten worse and worse and still no solution is in sight.
If I could make a wish and wipe out my existence completely, I would. The only reason I’m still alive is not to grieve my friends or family.
There’s no path forward. There’s nothing to be done. I don’t know why I’m even here. Why must I suffer so? Why must any of us suffer so? What is the fucking point of any of this? Why is there no answer? What is the goddamn point? Please tell me what I should do that I haven’t done already.
Or if all you have is platitudes and cliches then fuck right off.