Guys, I am going to the rehab soon (long term) and I'd like to hear your personal stories about it \ or struggles (if there were any). How did it go, was it difficult to be so close with straight guys, if any incidents happen (that could endanger your progress) etc.
His previous rock bottom moment involved realizing that he was getting closer to crossing the chemsex boundary and then he stopped himself and got off the apps for more than a year.
He secretly went back to them earlier this year and now has recently opened up about his crystal meth use to myself and a bunch of other friends. He says he does not want to stop for now and is “in control” which I know is bs. He’s at a point currently where he’s having sex all night long for 48hours straight during the week, and made a bunch of fwb with whom he smokes meth and has sex with. He’s been very reckless and trusting of what people are giving him.
This all feels like I am seeing a friend being swallowed by a monster and I feel completely helpless and this sentiment is shared within our friend group.
To the people who’ve been there before, can you please help me understand:
My first week-end without in a while and I feel heavy FOMO. Almost a week without in a couple of hours.
No "withdrawal" strictly speaking or whatever, I managed to avoid getting addicted thankfully.
But I just feel like I'm missing out on so much fun and especially connexion.
I'm closeted in real life so parties were a place where I could be myself without fear. The sex was mindblowing, yes, obviously, but I just loved the long breaks where I got to know people, "regular" gay people like me. Their lives, trials and tribulations, etc. I got to share my own too. Connect. Rarely would it lead to anything beyond the party, but it was still nice to just be, without my closeted mask.
Also, I got to actually be verse. Being relaxed enough to bottom and not being in my head so I can top freely.
I also have a very complicated life with all kinds of mental health issues, socio-economic issues, etc. So it was a nice...escape from reality?
I know I know. There's always a price to pay. That's why I'm stopping, and reminding myself it's not worth it.
But I still feel heavy FOMO. I'm trying to learn to sit with it and accept it. It's ok.
It was what I needed for a time in my life, now I need to move on before I develop a substance use disorder 🫠🫠🫠
Still my brain is like "Damn, we're missing out on so much fun".
I went to my mom's place for the week-end to avoid giving into the FOMO.
I know it sounds weird and stupid but I wish I was surrounded by regular gay men in my life. Clearly there's shit I need to work on.
I just can't be openly gay at this point in my life and I don't know how I can be closeted and have gay friends I can connect with on a physical and psychological level.
Anyway sorry for rambling, just hoping writing this out will somehow help make it less strong.
I know it's the week-end making it harder, and after a couple of chemsex-free week-ends I'll feel better. I'll stay strong. I promise.
Hey everyone,
It's been 7 days since my last usage of mephedrone and Ketamine. It got out of hand and I decided I need to stop this behavior once and for all.
The last few days I had to deal not only with the aftermath of the drugs themselves, but also a nasty cold that I have almost bounced back from.
I went from barely being able to move on tuesday to now getting groceries, go for a walk and meet my family tonight for a birthday.
Getting off of ALL apps, talking to a chemsex counselor and "confessing" to friends about what I had been doing has helped tremendously.
Just wanted to spread some positivity. I got this, you got this - fuck chemsex and fuck drugs.
Peace and love to all of you
The anxiety will go away the longer you are sober and have sex , yes give yourself permission to enjoy sex and have it , first few times will be anxiety it’s normal cause you haven’t had it that way so the more you do it the confident you become , the I can’t get hard with sex or anxiety is why people use again but it’s normal . To start I would jerk off with porn and not just rely on others . If your fresh off drugs then it’s gonna take a while for your hormones to get back to normal and fire at the rate it’s suppose to , all your dopamine and receptors are maxed out . Think of it like a regeneration of liver when you quit alcohol or just doesn’t become brand new but takes time .
We don’t talk enough about training your mind to have sex and it’s even baby steps . First being naked watching porn , see if get erection . Then jerking ( no cock ring ) to see if get hard , also reprogramming yourself to not sketchy sex porn (the ones with pure drug use ) to regular porn etc . Your retraining your entire brain and nervous system so allow yourself some fumbles and learning experience and remember baby steps of you will use
I’ve managed to stay away from T for about 2 and a half years but have continued to struggle with other things on a regular basis. I got what I thought was just K last night but quickly realized after getting into it that there was some crystal in it.
Long story short, I had a huge anxiety attack and some heart palpitations and ended up in the ER overnight—feeling a little foolish, but they did help some. I haven’t slept since and am still anxious and really angry with myself and my connect from last night. A part of me feels like I threw away all the progress I made, but I know things happen and I can move on.
I’ve been in an outpatient program for substance use for a couple weeks and felt like I was getting some support and hitting a turning point but because of recent events the program is only willing to work with me if I go to an inpatient program first.
Anyway, sorry for the long, rambling post. I’m drained and am going to try to eat and get some sleep. Just feeling defeated and wondering if anyone can relate.