u/chronically-iconic

I'm on long term medical leave and I'm struggling to stay connected to people and I'm realising how much of my life revolved around work. Anyone have any fun suggestions or recommendations? I have done some digging but I'm keen to rather hear from anecdotal experiences.

I've enjoyed the percussive samba sessions at St Barnabas church, would love to fit in arty activities and maybe physical ones if I'm not too tired; I'm also interested in music production (and DJing) but I'm open to different activities or meetups, so just fire away!

Also, I'm planning on going to activities at The Edge Cafe so if anyone knows similar mental health orientated things also keen to hear about that

Sorry for the long one , but I recently got diagnosed and I've been on treatment for about a month. What stands between me and abject suffering and an indescribably slow deterioration with every helpful blood cell in my body being wiped out is a thing veil of a few short decades of marginalisation, culture wars, ineffective medication...that became unbelievably effective. I contracted it from someone I know is a bug chaser, I was only at his house because I didn't want to buy my own gear, the sex was just what I tolerated and I knew he had only recently gone back on to his ARVs. I didn't think it was safe, but I did just ignore all the oppression that caused people (particularly gay men like me) to retreat to these dark corners and eventually soulless sex parties with a poor prognosis. Didn't bother to take PeP afterwards because I was ashamed, but I did resume my PrEP and decided to quietly disappear from the scene for 3 months, eventually I got really sick, ended up in A&E twice over 3 weeks for tonsillitis and throat gonorrhoea I got from a dealer I slept with 4-ish months prior.

Used twice since being diagnosed, both times with a frequent partner of mine (using protection because I feel like I'm no longer a complete jackass — still a jackass tho) but man, dare I say I've all of a sudden developed a low tolerance for the side effects, usually it was worth it because I kept the misery machine going to fuel the acute, intermittent and reckless lapses and I'm just fucking tired. Not physically (aside from recovering), I'm young and bounce back every time, but it's like having a conjoined twin attached to me who can only whine and complain, an inescapable yapper who hates everything. The high is also just meh...last time I used I didn't even want to have sex and we didn't do a thing, I just sat on my laptop and worked on a few passion projects and occasionally chatted

It's such a waste of time for me, and we all need to make choices to change our lifestyles at some point in life for the sake of health. For me? Eat well and often eat what I like even if I don't meet protein goals every night. Do I get a chocolate croissant most days? Yeah, I do. Do I put 2 sour patch kids in my medicine box for each morning? Hell yeah. I have also taken naps with my cats when I think I should go to gym and get fit for the festivals ahead? Yep. ITS NOT METH and I can't waste anymore time than I already have. I'll fix that all later (or maybe I won't idk) but I am eating more wholesome and frequent meals, mostly because work booked me off for 1.5 months to recover because if be a liability otherwise 🤣 paid time off with variable job security? Meh, I'll use the time to apply for jobs and up skill (which I'm giving my best shot). I'm tired of sleepwalking through life wondering why I'm pulled back to the dens of men who own too many fucking quirky bongs for it to be endearing (no offense, I adore you whichever way you come) . I might just repurpose my broken one as a vase if it's still in my storage unit somewhere I can't remember, hut honestly. Fuck it all ✨

Consistency is challenging, but I was a consistent mess for years, so I am confident I can turn these lifestyle changes into at least half the consistency I displayed when I was at my worst. Honestly, fuck everything. We are all so small on a cosmic scale and I am literally giving synthetic crystalline fuck rocks more time than they deserve

I didn't want HIV, or did I? I can never have breakdowns without craving a token I can bring home as proof that I am giving myself issues because I think I deserve to suffer; it is often things like me having another spare phone with a shattered screen, or uncontrolled drug use when I'm in distress and then not sleeping for 3 days and hacking it at work. I knew what I was doing when I didn't renew my PrEP prescription months ago. I only did it because I'm poorly organised in general, but when I am going through an episode I almost used to relish in that fect, that I could be put in danger enough to get validation for my feelings ,(which I often think aren't proportionate given that my life isn't organically difficult by most metrics) and bear these tokens to my mom when I split on her and need to bring up my childhood again. HIV is the ultimate trump card for a co conservative Christian woman who never really did anything risky (and she has never commited tax fraud because it would wreck her conscience)

Now that I unintentionally got what only the dark part of me wants, I've still got to deal with the rest of it. It's not a death sentence and I know many people who are happy, healthy and thriving. My issue is, how long will it be before I become suicidal and just stop the medication and wait for a usually unproblematic bacterial infection? I've also robbed myself of my crutches. Smoking? Can cause lung cancer in a much greater proportion with HiV. Drugs? My kidney and liver don't have much leeway in the long term. There's so much of my lifestyle that is chaotic and volatile. I'm also terrified I forget my ARVs long enough and then sleep with someone, I could literally cause someone's death at my flown forgetful ignorance (but I'm sure that won't happen because I've never forgotten to take medication for maybe 3 days max)

I don't know whether I should tell my family. I can't tell one person in confidence because they will tell mum and I think it might send her into an early grave (because she still lives in the past where she was taught that gay men get HIV and then they wither away and die in front of you), but then again , it could help her and me look past small issues and stand by each other in ways that matter.

I was diagnosed this morning, and I'm by no means distraught about it, but I am Hella scared of the amount of emotional and practical lifestyle changes I'll have to make (not to mention I have to sustain them for the rest of my life which is difficult even now). I have a great deal of knowledge and I've got 4 friends who are undetectable, so I've seen how they manage medically, but I have no fucking clue what to do first and there are so many opinionated articles and standard bit of medical advice, but I was wondering if someone to help me out by identifying lifestyle changes you'd make earliest and what adaptions helped later. I do use drugs and smoke cigarettes, but I don't drink, and I'll have a conversation about the consequences of those specific things with my doctor, but does anyone have experience with harm reduction, at least until I reach a point in a few months where I'll have the emotional capacity to start quitting shit (which is preferable)

I'm dizzy all the time, disoriented and slip in and out of psychosis-like experiences. It's actually making me feel suicidal, all I do day in and day out is try and get some sleep.

Anyway, I have requested an appointment with my GP, I've just not done it up until now because I'm worried they will hear me explain all of this and not take it seriously. I'll literally take anything for sleep. I used to take antihistamines but those make it so much worse and it's never been a problem for me, but it's immensely frustrating to be so so so sleepy from taking 4 pills, yet I don't get a second of sleep.

Anyone got any advice for my appt?

It's my last evening in Bristol and I've been here with my mum so I haven't had a moment to get away (love her but 🤣). Wondered if there's anything worth doing on a Monday? I've been to lots of the other bars but I'm keen to check out a queer space. I see OMG does a thing, just wondered what music they play? I'm not really into pop music so idk what it will be like.

So, I really miss my grandparents. Specifically my one grandmother. I miss how's she'd always be so gentle and when I visited her it was so calming — just old movies, crafts and syrup on toast (which I would never really get at home).

Since I've found Helen(the cute granny) I've been going to her page whenever I feed overwhelmed at work. The videos are short and the crafts are simple enough that if I wanted to do something mindful, I could do most of them at home without a ton of prep. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I just smile, other tines I cry a little, but it always just makes everything feel like it's okay again.

Thought someone might find this useful. ✨👾

I work as a DA/content expert in AGI-DS. Started the second quarter and everyone else win my team are still verifiers, I was silently taken off. No feedback, just silence. I also never received negative feedback, had one correction made that I know of and I consistently looked for feedback once a month to make sure I'm maintaining a high standard.

Is this a bad sign?