Most people who survived the pandemic will be dead in the next 40 years. We will only have stories, books, history, and medicine to remember the people who grieved... But I'm grieving the dead. I feel like I'll never be able not to, even though I never grieved firsthand. It's been really heavy. I never knew 45 million+ people died. It's never leaving me the same way they're never living again.

I wish it had never happened. And I feel weird carrying this weight. I wonder if people who lost loved ones before the medicine still grieve.

I almost want to become someone who helps try to make a cure or vaccine, just to try to get rid of something that never should have existed.

Note: I currently don't know my status yet, this may be A REASON of many why it's so heavy.

I am diagnosis in 2007 39 male from Nepal looking for partner.

I'm sure questions like this are asked a lot. I did a search and read through a hundred posts but couldn't find anything like my question.

I have a hetero partner (I am male) that reached out and says they received a preliminary positive on an HIV screening blood test. It's strange because I see in this forum that generally, there's an established pattern of testing. Preliminary screening with antibodies and antigens, then if either of those are positive, move to PCR/naat confirmation. My partner sent results from LabCorp that said negative for HIV 1 and 2 antibodies, but no antigen test was ordered it seems. Next on the results is an HIV 1 and 2 RNA line. The HIV 1 is listed as reactive, the HIV 2 is non reactive. Why would this protocol be used, and what would a result like this mean? The sheet says it's "indicative of an acute or early infection" which I guess answers my question.

My last encounter (and only) with this partner was exactly 30 days ago. Unprotected oral sex, but protected normal sex. I had a negative 4th Gen HIV screening about 2 weeks prior to that. I had another partner about a week prior to this partner (exchanged negative test results, again unprotected oral sex, protected regular sex).

I immediately went and got a blood draw today to be tested and I'm awaiting the results.

I'm not totally sure what I'm asking, but I guess I'm trying to figure out the logistics of what could have happened. I admit I didn't really know this particular partner's sexual history/testing status at the time of the encounter but was told that it was several months since the last encounter and protection was used, while the last test was run around 1.5 years ago with around 3 to 4 partners in between.

I apologize because I'm spiraling while there's a lot of people in worse situations than myself, I just wanted some feedback

Hello everyone,

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We understand that HIV is a deeply personal topic, and we greatly appreciate anyone willing to share their experiences. All information shared will be treated with confidentiality and respect.

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Participants must:

• Be 18 years of age or older
• Reside in the United States
• Have been diagnosed with and currently living with HIV
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Not everyone who touches my body earns the right to enter the most vulnerable part of my story.

In casual encounters, I choose not to disclose that I live with HIV. I make this choice because I have learned that, in the wrong hands, this information can lead to more than simple rejection over a night of sex. It can lead to humiliating exposure, threats to my job, and life-threatening violence. The virus is under control. Prejudice is not.

I take my medication. I keep my viral load undetectable. Undetectable means untransmittable: I cannot transmit HIV through sex. Even so, I use condoms because they protect both of us from other infections, including the ones no one usually wants to account for before taking off their clothes.

When we learn our HIV status, we make a quiet commitment, not only to care for ourselves, but also to break the chain of transmission. What about you? What are you trying to achieve by insisting that I disclose my status? What can you protect me from by knowing that I live with HIV?

Our struggle must be for a society guided by humanity and science. No one has the right to isolate us from life. Not even the virus can do that anymore.

Not disclosing does not mean taking away someone’s right to choose when there is no exposure to HIV. My diagnosis does not turn every encounter into a confession, nor does it make my body a danger that must be announced. If we understand U=U, why do some people still behave as though our status were public information?

Some people disclose their status as a way of building intimacy. I can do that too, when there is trust, care, and a sense that the person will stay. But intimacy is not a toll that must be paid for sex. And no one should have to surrender information that could be used to hurt them simply to soothe someone else’s misinformed fear.

Responsibility means taking my medication. Keeping up with my tests. Talking about protection. Respecting the boundaries we agreed on. Responsibility does not mean offering myself up for judgment to every person who may never know my name again.

My silence does not transmit HIV.
My treatment prevents transmission.

I contracted HIV in October. Diagnosed in March My starting viral load was around 1,690 copies/mL. By May, I was undetectable, and my CD4 count has increased, which I know is a good sign that treatment is working.
Medically, I’m doing well. Mentally, I’m having a much harder time.
I understand U=U. I understand the science and that maintaining an undetectable viral load means I don’t sexually transmit HIV. But knowing that intellectually and actually believing it emotionally have been two completely different things for me.
Since all of this happened, I haven’t really been able to be intimate with anyone. I’ve had opportunities, but when it comes down to actually being with someone, the anxiety, guilt, and thoughts about disclosure take over. It’s like there’s a mental barrier I haven’t been able to get past.
Even knowing I’m undetectable and could practice safer sex, I still feel guilty about the idea of not disclosing. Part of me feels like I’d be doing something wrong, even though I understand that scientifically I’m not putting someone at risk of HIV transmission while undetectable.
I miss being able to experience intimacy without all of this running through my head.
I’d really like to hear from people who’ve been through this:
How long did it take you to actually trust U=U emotionally, rather than just understand it intellectually?
What helped you mentally after your diagnosis?
How did you get past that first mental barrier and become intimate with someone again?
And how do you personally approach disclosure when you’re undetectable, especially with casual sex/hookups versus someone you’re seriously dating?
I’m doing well medically, and I’m grateful for that. I just want to get to a point where HIV is something I manage rather than something that controls my intimacy, relationships, and how I see myself.

Hi guys, well today was my first appointment after diagnosis, my viral load was 1010 and my CD4 were 247. My Dr, said that my viral load was low even the comparison between viral load bad CD4 was not normal, what do yo think about it? Is there any way to know how much time do I have with the virus? Thanks.

So…recently I reconnected with someone from my past. Because of where our lives were 20yrs ago, we went our separate ways without each other. Recently we crossed paths unexpectedly and had lunch.

Throughout the course of our “catching up”, she disclosed to me that she was found to be HIV positive about a year ago (bad relationship and that was just one of the marks it left on her).

The thing is, over the past month or so we’ve ended up spending a considerable amount of time with each other having really deep, emotional discussions and it’s sort of leading to us…I don’t really know what label to put on it, but some type of relationship with each other.

That said, I’m deathly afraid of how to approach the HIV issue without sounding insensitive. I did some research and kind of know the basics of living with it but that’s about all I know.

Honestly, is a relationship even worth pursuing knowing she could pass it to me at any time?

Ive always been worried of hooking up with someone and finding out afterwards that they have hiv. Does people actually hook up without informing about their status?

Is anyone here prescribed serostim? If so what can you tell me about your experience. Benefits, adverse effects, etc. any info is appreciated.

I thought I could share with y'all what calms my mind when it gets loud in there, the anxiety, the what ifs etc, (to be honest it no longer gets loud) , I've accepted everything the way it is

I know more than 10 people born with HIV, the 4 I know physically, the rest online, I feel like these people would be more annoyed with the world, they didn't have any input to catch it but all of them are living perfectly, traveling, starting families and in good health. They've taken the pill/ pills for all there life and will continue that way, I feel like we should just be more forgiving to ourselves, love ourselves more and accept this without making a big fuss, we are no different from those who have lived all this long and the science is 100℅ still true and correct, science can't fail you, you are no different, cheer up every one

Enjoy your life because science gave us the freedom, one day when everything is going downhill health wise( of which at some point it has to at a certain age whether you are positive or not) your older self will thank your younger self for staying positive with life😘

I just got diagnosed with HIV, and boy oh boy. Life does come at you fast.

Since I found out (yesterday), almost everyone I’ve spoken to (mainly doctors tbh) has told me some version of “it’s not the end of the world.” I know they’re trying to reassure me, the thing is, I already knew that.

I just finished studying microbiology, and I took medical virology last semester. I know how HIV works. I know about ART. I know what being undetectable means. I know that with proper treatment, people living with HIV can have long and healthy lives.

I knew all of this before I got my diagnosis.

But having it become your reality is really something man.

Right now, I’m struggling with the fact that this is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life. I’m trying to process what it means for my relationships, telling people, and just how I see myself going forward.

And honestly, I’m also thinking about dating.

My dating pool was already pretty small. Now I have to add HIV-positive to the equation, and suddenly it feels like it has gotten a whole lot smaller. I know there are people who will accept me. I know there are other people living with HIV who have healthy relationships and good sex lives and all.

But right now, I'm just scared, what of idek.

Maybe that sounds dramatic, but that's where my head is at.

I’m not looking for someone to tell me “it’s not the end of the world.” I know it isn't. I’m just trying to come to terms with the fact that this is my reality now.

If you’re living with HIV, especially if you remember what the first few days or weeks after your diagnosis felt like, I’d really appreciate hearing from you, tryna find community.

Hello, I recently got diagnosed with HIV (less than a month) and well, since then I have been thinking about it almost everyday and they are not like, happy thoughts at all, I know I can take meds and they will help me to have a normal life but, even the thought of taking a pill everyday to remind me of mi situation scares me, I don't think I'll be able to do it, even without the medication and all, I'm still thinking everyday, I don't want to imagine how it will be if I take it.

And yes, I know I have to take them and all for my health and all but I don't think I'll be able to, for context, I'm a 19 years old boy who likely got it from engaging in prostitution (I did that when I was 18yo for maybe 10 months or so, worst thing I could do in my life)

And my family, is deeply homophobic, like, they will absolutely throw me out of the house if they get to know I have HIV, so, family support for me is an absolute no, I still live with them so, if I take my medication, i will have to hide it from them, so, it's kinda risky.

I have told a few friends and they are really helping me to get through this, like, they are real friends, I love them for that, they are completely supportive but specially they are normal about this, that's what I just really appreciate, that nothing changed with them, but I just think my life is ruined, if it wasn't already, now with this is just going downhills.

I want to start dating a boy that I really like but I know I will have to tell him about this situation and, well, maybe I'm thinking too much, but I really don't think he'll be ok with this, like, not at all, he'll prolly cut ties with me and all.

And that's all I guess, I just can't stop thinking about this, because I really really want, but a reminder of my situation always appears during the day (or during the night, which is a lot worse), I've been doing a lot of activities, going out a lot, drawing (I really like it) but still, a small thought always comes out, a thought that my life has not been good, nor what I was expecting and that with this it's just one more footsept in a staircase of bad decision, things and circumstances, like, the last drop

When do I stop overthinking or, just be ok about this? If there's really a way

(Sorry if there are mistakes or if the wording is not the best, English is not my first language)

i read that HIV has been cured in a few cases after bone-marrow/stem-cell transplants, but the procedure is extremely risky and isn't a standard treatment for HIV

Well to begin I had sex 42 days ago I thought it was protected I mean of course it was right ? Anyways I felt during this weeks every symptoms fingers hurts sometimes sore throat panic attacks headaches and my stomach hurts a lot of night can’t eat or sleep I don’t know if those are stresss symptoms or it’s HIV anyways the woman I had sex with is known to have multiple partners ofc and also I’m not from ppl who does have sex all time it’s like it was the second time in my life I’m 26 yo btw so I did a test at 26 days after it was negative and Imma do at 3 months and I’m sure imma be positive I have diarrhea
Btw idk why it’s been two days now and living here with my family makes me anxious and i just want to ask as in 2026 what is life like with arvs / arts is it like life before hiv or its still different what about energy level ? What about side effects ? I’ve heard that the new meds are really good and I’ve heard the opposite I’m stressed out so much about my future and my mental health after this and I just want to know the truth.. not cheerful or sad or whiny things I just want the truth because now if imma test positive which I feel like I will I need to know is it worth it to live on arv the rest of ur life or what ?

I got a handjob recently from a casual hook up. He played with himself then played with me. I have a patch of psoriasis on my penis, could he transmit HIV from his precum through my penis head or psoriasis patch?

Hi everyone,

I’m a 38F living in Maharashtra, India, and I’ve been HIV positive since 2010.

I’m trying to figure out health insurance for myself, but I’m running into a major problem: when I disclose my HIV status, insurance companies either refuse to issue a policy or tell me that they cannot cover me because of HIV.

So I wanted to ask people living with HIV in India, particularly Maharashtra:

How are you managing health insurance?

Have any of you actually been able to obtain a health insurance policy after disclosing your HIV status?

If yes:

Which insurance company?

What type of policy?

Did you have to go through a special HIV-related scheme or government program?

Were you able to get coverage for normal hospitalisation, accidents, surgeries, etc.?

What kind of waiting period/exclusions were involved?

Have you successfully made a claim?

I’m also aware that there are legal/regulatory protections around insurance for people living with HIV, but in practice I’m finding it extremely difficult to actually get a policy.

So if you’ve managed to navigate this successfully, please tell me how you did it.

I’m 38 now and want to have some financial protection for myself, especially because I don’t have a spouse or family member who can automatically take care of medical expenses if something happens to me.

Any practical advice would be greatly appreciated

(Thanks for reading my post)

Hello!

Has anyone here experienced hair thinning and hair loss before you knew you had HIV?

Also, for those who started their treatment, did the hair thinning stopped and the hair grow back thicker and do you rarely have hair fall now that you're in treatment?

Hoping someone can answer.

To start with I’m a 21 Asian who lives in nyc. I only have sex 3 time. The first two time use protection (both same person) and one today I choose to hookup with another person who is Asian. The person told me, he’s negative and on prep which I trust him and did the thing. At the time I was 18 and uneducated about prep since my doctor never recommended me. Most importantly I never imagined I can get it the moment I chose to had one unprotected sex for the first time . Being lied to by my own skin color plus getting it the first shot( for some reason I thought people within my own community would not hurt and yes I’m dumb as hell) to me it felt like winning a lottery in a bad way. I realize how dumb I was at that age.

Right now I just scared of everything, I feel like everyone going to hurt me. Everyday I just have nothing positive to think about and constantly googling hiv cure. I went to therapy but rn it only helps with my ocd hyper sexual thought because of the trauma. The depression feels like will live with me forever. Idk what to feel and what to think and I can’t kys because back then I did and I survived, I feel like god punish me for my every actions. I feel so stuck, I can’t die nor do I want to live.

Please explain personal symptoms