Back to Day 1
I've been relapsing / using more after finding myself after months of sobreity.
I found the things that work and the things that work... mostly it's the confidence/chem sex that gets me to want to use again. I don't have that desire when im not using which makes me feels "ugly"
Sex, especially sober sex, makes me insecure. I also just have shame now with sex because of my use.
But weirdly, I found myself using to also get work done around the house... I find myself focused and being able to clean when I use...So there's that statifaction when I use.... But I can find that feeling without using.
I've going back to a porn cleanse and avoiding hook-up apps.
I've removed contacts from my phone and blocked with people that engage in said practice.
I also told my closest friends about my struggle to have a bit more accountability and pressure from people who mean a lot to me. Who don't want to see me fail and fall into this.
I could use some words of encouragement from you guys and maybe some advice or hear about things that worked for you.
I'd love a buddy to talk about this, if you'd be down for an email penpal... someone who understands what this is like. Please reach out :)