Am I broken or just weird?
Okay, so I, (23, genderfluid born female) am looking for opinions on something I've been questioning for a while and would love some advice. For a long time I thought I was pansexual, mostly because I can find anyone attractive, and demisexual when it can to actual relationships, since i never actually had feelings even similar to a crush for a person unless I've known them for a while. Granted I've never even been in a relationship, as I've always been too busy or focused on other things.
Recently, I accidentally found out one of my closest male friends had a crush on me. We talked it out and are good now, but despite this guy being the absolute BIGGEST green flag imaginable, I don't feel any attraction to him. Some things to note that I feel like I should mention:
- I'm attracted to men, but only in fictional form/cartoons. No real people, I don't find real guys to be handsome.
- I'm attracted to Women and gender non-conforming types, but only in real life, never fiction.
- I've never been in a relationship or even had a real crush, only ones I faked to fit in with my friends.
- I'm COMPLETELY oblivious to signs of flirtation from anyone. I always interpret any sign as being "really good friends".
- I'm not disgusted by intimate stuff. I find it entertaining and healthy, but only if it's not me. I can fantasize and get REALLY into it, but I'm never imagining myself do all of the stuff, only people that aren't me. I get the SERIOUS ick if I imagine myself doing it.
Looking back, I've been flirted with by guys and even asked out before, but I always turned them down for my own reasons, and I know that if I'm going into a relationship, I have to be the one to pursue it. But this guy friend checks practically all my boxes save for an age gap of about a decade (we're online friends that have met irl).
I guess I'm asking... am I weird? My sister is 100% completely aro/ace, but I thought I'd be open to a relationship or even multiple (the idea of being poly appeals to me). I guess I'm looking for some advice going forward. If I left anything out that may help, please ask questions, I've been conflicted since this happened.