r/Asexual

What helped you the most while figuring things out?

Is there Anyone who was Asexual in their 20's but became Ace in their 30? What or how did you become like this?

UPDATE: I am well aware that Asexual and Ace mean the same thing

UPDATE 2: I missed the word "not". Question was "can a non Ace become an Ace in their 30's?".

The title. I've seen so many people asking stuff like "how can I become asexual" or "how did you turn asexual" and like... you... you can't turn asexual... you just are born that way... it's like asking if you can turn gay

I particularly love the "how can I become asexual" comments cuz they always wanna turn asexual/aromantic for the either the pettiest or absurd reasons in the world, like focusing on their carrier or having a "cutesy" relationship or some shit like that, like... Dawg... You literally can just do these things if you want to regardless of your sexuality... Like do they think we have special virgin superpowers or what

(sorry if this post is bad, its my first one)

My boyfriend (16 m) and I (16 f) have been dating since we were roughly 13, but i have just come to terms with my asexuality (Im a sex repulsed asexual). I've known I was asexual since before we were even dating but it took me a while to accept it. this was because we are both in a christian community so it took me a while to de-brainwash myself and realize its okay to be LGBTQIA+. (for the sake of the post he is very christian and I am currently questioning religion but he is supportive)

The problem is that my boyfriend has no idea about my asexuality. It's making me anxious because I feel like I have to come out to him and because I think my asexuality will ruin our relationship. We are both very open about wanting a future together but part of me feels like we will never be happy together. I'm concerned that our relationship wont work because I'm a sex repulsed asexual.

I need advice on what to do. Because of his christianity, I don't know if he will understand or be supportive if i come out. unfortunately i also feel really guilty for not being honest about this with him. I really don't want to break up with him but I have trouble imagining this dynamic working out long term.

Any advice at all is appreciated.

Did anyone go down this route? I generally never considered myself to be asexual until now and I’m lowkey questioning. I always assumed I was just a lesbian, and when I’d kiss other women, it would just be that I hadn’t found the right one, but no, I just hate kissing. It’s so disgusting 💀. Like I really enjoy cuddling but once we get into kissing, it’s a no for me. It feels forced and so wet lmao. I feel like I care more about the connection with someone now but I don’t think I’d want anything intimate past cuddling.

I want to ask this sincerely as I’m very ashamed and I hope I can find other people that maybe have some answers

I’m 31/f and have struggled a lot with se*. I got abused as a child and later got into a complete dead bedroom marriage, from the very start we literally never had sex. He was gay and having se* with men and refused to even cuddle with me. I was with that man for ten years.

So I never understood what normal se* was even like, and on top of that i am extremely introverted so I never managed go build anything emotionally deep with anyone to even confess this.

After my marriage ended, i was terrified of relationships, emotions, people. But I was curious and I wanted to know what sex esas supposed be like. I ended up having casual sex with random men that I wasn’t even attracted to. And it was a bad experience every time, because I would dissociate, like literally go out my body while it happened and it also went numb down there. I am serious.

For some time, I thought the problem was that i wasn’t into men this way. With clothes, I’d find them attractive. But naked i have been so repulsed by their genitals and body in general. I find women much more beautiful and also the female genitals so much more appealing. Men physically are just so disgusting to me, with out clothes.

I’ve been celibate for years now and during those years I started talking to a man from Reddit.

I know it will sound bad, but yes i see his dic* and it’s the first one i find beautiful. Objectively, it is very beautiful.

But it was just that, someone I talk to and have seen his d*. Recently we met, after years of this. And it was the first time I managed to feel se*, and maybe feel love for someone. First time I feel I actually want se* and find their genital a desire and not a repulsion.

But after this, they go back to their country and even though we stay in contact, they don’t want to have a serious romantic relationship and keep their emotional distance.

I feel happy that I got to experience this once in my life. But now I feel my whole identity as an asexual, broken person in ruins and I feel confused. Part of me, wishes that I never met them, that it never happened. And I’ve been growing more and more depressed… I hope you don’t judge me and can give me another perspective. I am not feeling well

I am a straight man, I know that, but I genuinely cannot get off to the stuff normal straight men do. I have never liked regular stuff. For the longest time I got off to vampire fetishism when I was a teen and as I grew older I started watching porn and I really liked it for about 6 months.

But over time I stopped watching porn, because it started to bore me and it just didn't work anymore. I could watch porn for hours now and I wouldn't even get an erection. I have no interest in the idea of having sex or anything like that. I don't know how people could desire that so much. It doesn't seem gross but i have no interest and I feel it would just be an uncomftorable experience.

There are only two things I can jerk off to consistantly and enjoy. One: Female forearms, I've searched the entire internet and I have barely seen anyone else like me. To me when a girl has a perfect smoothe flawless forearm that literally melts my brain. It's specifically the part nearest to the elbow, if you want a reference of what I would consider a perfect forearm, search "Juri street fighter 6" and scroll through the images, you'll see it eventually...

Another thing is women smoking or vaping or anything like that, I won't go into as much detail cus its kind of messed up, but it for some reason just really turns me on. The problem with those things is they don't have any real sexual application and theyre the ONLY thing I find attractive. I dont find ass, tits, or anything like that hot. The female body just doesn't interest me that much.

This all really dawned on me because I was contacted by a really sexy girl who found me cute and we were sexting and stuff, but she would send me pictures of her butt and things that should turn me on but I couldn't. And it got to the point where she just blocked me and I felt really demoralised. It's not that I didn't think she was hot, but I just didn't know how to ask if she would send a picture of her forearm instead. I was hoping I would not need it.

I just worry for my potential future relationships and how is this going to go. I had a girlfriend who I explained all this to and despite finding it really weird, she actually provided me with goon material related to forearms and smoking. It was handy she had perfect forearms and smoked. But idk if I can expect other girls to do this, even worse if I can't do regular stuff with them.

Any Advice?

I (23f) don’t know if I’m asexual or just traumatized because when I was 10-17, I was raped by a group of adults repeatedly. But I’ve also never been attracted to anyone or been in a relationship. Ive never even had a crush before. I don’t know if it’s because of what happened to me or if it’s just the way I am. I don’t know if it’s because the rape happened during that age when you would start to explore those feelings and have crushes.

However, and this is weird, I had and still do have loving feelings, towards the first person who raped me, but I don’t know why. I don’t know if it’s because of trauma bonding, since I never liked him before and actually hated him.

It’s just all very confusing. Does anyone relate to this or know how I can figure this out?

I realized I was asexual at 34. Some people realized it much younger. It was because I was ignorant about asexuality. I also confused aesthetic and romantic attraction to be sexual. I also masturbated occasionally. I thought it disqualified me from being asexual.

After I realized I was asexual, my libido decreased. Now, I don't get spontaneously aroused. When I thought I was heterosexual, I got spontaneously aroused.

Anyone else experience the same?

Hello everyone!

There will be an event on Steam during Asexual Awareness Week (October 25th 2026 to November 1st 2026) featuring video games by ace developers and/or containing ace characters/themes. I thought it may be of interest!

If you have a Steam game and want to get involved, you can submit here (deadline July 10th): [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdYfE34034KF-\\\_E4yP0IcQkYU\\\_wdSrORq2CqbnJDhhkCj9H8A/viewform\](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdYfE34034KF-\_E4yP0IcQkYU\_wdSrORq2CqbnJDhhkCj9H8A/viewform)

Please share with your gaming friends or if you know any game developers! Thank you :)

What the title says basically.

I am ace. Kinda accepted it lately after years denying it. Can't really deny it anymore. One thing i can't seem to solve is how to be ok with being so different from everyone. Sex is like a fundamental part of human nature. And it's irrelevant to me. That's not normal. I mean I know it is but you know....it feels like it shouldn't be. It's like someone telling you they don't eat.

How did you guys learn to manage those feelings? Sorry if I phrased things wrong I only recently started to try to accept myself.

Hello,
I haven’t made a post before but my partner and I have hit a wall and are looking for any kind of advice available. I know it’s probably not the best thing to post your problems on the internet but I’m just interested to see if anyone has a similar situation and/or any ideas for us.

I’m f20 heteromantic asexual and my partner is m21 heterosexual, and although we are very much in love, he still has sexual desires that I don’t really feel comfortable providing. He has tried master baiting a bunch but seems to be sexually frustrated or at least to the point where it’s hurting him mentally. We are trying to find something that works for him that I am also comfortable with.

I have a big no/strong dislike towards penetrative sex, I also think sex organs both men and woman are gross to look at. I don’t master bait and don’t think it would work on me anyways.

Is there any solution or any ideas on what we should do that would satisfy his sexual needs while not being penetrative? We both really love each other and can’t fathom breaking up but I’m worried for his mental health and he really wants me to feel comfortable.

I've identified as asexual for multiple years now, and while there have definitely been difficult periods, I've always been at least okay with it. Recently, however, I had a friend confess feelings for me. I think I could have romantic feelings for them too, but I'm asexual and they made it clear that probably wouldn't work unless I was okay with an open relationship, which I don't think I would be. I completely understand their point of view, and getting over what could've been was honestly pretty simple since I don't think I was even super into them in the first place, just comfortable in a way. That being said, the situation did make me realize that there will be times in my life where I connect with someone and it can't work because of my identity. Dating an asexual isn't for everyone. I guess I just started to realize that as proud as I am to be asexual, it has been and will probably continue to be a barrier in my dating life. That realization has felt incredibly isolating, like my identity is connected to this personal loss. I would love to fall in love some day, but honestly the more I experience the more I worry if that's even in the cards. In fact, I sometimes wish I wasn't ace so I wouldn't have to worry about my identity ruining what otherwise could've been a fulfilling relationship. I know ace people can and do date, but I've never gotten to experience that myself and I'm honestly just getting increasingly discouraged. Any advice on how to navigate these feelings?

So I'm asexual. I understand that can be an issue with people who I could potentially get into a relationship with, which is why I would be okay with said person having sex with other people. I asked this same question to 2 friends, and they both said it was a tad strange, so I'm asking the same thing here.