r/Asexual

TW YEARNING TENSION KISSES BUT NO SEX (I don’t want to write sex lol) banter, biting, original characters

Dahlia shoved Aurelio against the wall, hard enough that his head bounced on the bricks. He winced, but didn’t look truly harmed. She gritted her teeth at him. “You lied to me. You deceived me. You tricked me.”

“Aren’t those all the same thing? If you want more synonyms, I’ll gladly give them to you.” He grinned at her, and her blood boiled.

“Shut your damn mouth before I break your teeth.” Dahlia growled, keeping her palm to his chest and forcing him to stay there. She knew they matched each other in abilities. Some might even say she was stronger. That was a discussion for another time, though. “I’m so tired of your games.” She glared at him, the pulse in her wrist pounding.

“Don’t pretend that you don’t like my games, darling.” His eyes began to glow a golden hue, and she couldn’t look away from them. They called to her very being, their depths drowning and all encompassing. She blinked away the momentary distraction, going right back to anger.

She drew her other hand up to his hair, wrapping her fingers in his soft blue strands. For just a second, his gaze softened on her, before quickly changing to his lazy, carefree expression.

She tightened her grip on his hair, forcing his head down to look at her. He bit down on his lip piercing, teeth grasping it in a tantalizing gesture. He knew what he was doing, and she couldn’t look away from him. She looked at his lips, and had the sudden urge to grasp his piercing in her mouth and pull hard enough to draw blood. His tongue flicked out to swirl around the metal stud, and she shifted on her feet, suddenly feeling off balance.

Her grip on his hair tightened, and he let out a quick breath at the painful feeling. She also saw how that affected him. His pupils dilated whenever she did that. She grinned, blinking up at him in victory.
He scoffed, and that only made her hold his hair harder. He quietly groaned at that, closing his eyes and trying to rest his head against the wall.

“Am I bothering you, Elio?” Dahlia asked him, all the while a taunting smile played on her lips.

“You have no idea how much.” His eyelids flitted open to reveal eyes that were almost completely covered by his black pupils. He played with that damned piercing again.

“I never took you for a guy that liked pain.” She tilted her head, studying his intriguing reaction. That was a lie. She had imagined doing this or very similar, if not far worse, things to him.

“Now we know you’re not telling the truth. You forget: I invented warping the truth.” He smirked at her, grabbing her hips and pulling her closer.

She glared. “You forget: I’m the one in control right now.”

Aurelio smiled even wider. “I couldn’t forget such an important detail.” His fingers dug into her hips for a second, and then he let go, his hands dropping to his sides.

His annoying smirk made her want to claw it off.
Angrily, she realized her nails were torn off so short that they couldn’t do the job. As if he knew what she was thinking, he glanced down at her nails, a knowing stare on his face.

Dahlia grabbed his face with the hand that had been holding his hair. “Are you going to apologize?”

“You know my answer.” His eyes were heavy as he looked at her, landing on her lips.

A fire lit in her, and she forced herself to focus. “You completely tricked me. And you won’t apologize?”

“Not in the way you need, but in the way you want.” Tension filled the air as they looked at one another. His skin felt warm from her touch.

“And what, pray tell, is the way I want?” Anticipation for his response dragged across her skin, as she challenged him.

“Can I?” Aurelio asked in a somewhat even tone, his black eyes with a hint of gold now were verging on desperate.

“Can you what?” Dahlia knew she was driving him crazy, and yet…

He huffed, leaning back against the wall, running a hand through his hair. “Can I apologize?” His voice was laced with need, and her hand dropped from his face. He looked torn at the loss of contact, and she smirked.

“Only if you listen.” She stepped back from him, crossing her arms.

He nodded. She shrugged. “Fine.”
Elio took a step closer to her, his hot breath on her neck. She smelled his cologne. Its scent reminded her of dark chocolate and a hint of rain soaked meadows.

She took in a breath as his lips kissed her throat. She grabbed onto his hair as rough, if not rougher, than she had before. He trailed kisses down her throat and to her collarbone. She pulled on his hair, and he groaned again.

“If that’s your apology, then I don’t accept it.” She said in a hushed breath, trying to control herself.

“I can hear your heart beating like a jackhammer, darling. Don’t lie to me.” He got on his knees, and she stared at the sight of him before her, completely at her mercy. She put both hands in his hair as his lips worked along her stomach, and then her hip bones. She let out a quick gasp at that, gripping his hair with even more ferocity. Alice felt his lips turning upwards at her reaction, and she gritted her teeth at the feeling.

She felt his lip piercing’s cold metal drag along her skin, her breathing hitching at that, her head tilting up to the sky and her eyes closing. She felt him trail his fingers along the waistband of her pants, and

Alice grabbed his hands. He looked up at her, expression heady with desire. She smiled at his reaction. “You want more, do you?”

Elio swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. “If you’ll give it to me, that is.” He looked so desperate, on his knees, staring up at her like she was single-handedly the most important thing in his world at that moment. She enjoyed that feeling.

“Do you want to kiss me?” Dahlia leaned down to him, her lips ghosting his. She saw him working hard to restrain himself, and laughed. “Poor you. You don’t like being tricked, do you? Well neither do I.” She crouched down before him and kissed him on his neck. Keeping her mouth there, she felt his pulse pick up speed.

“Dahlia…” His voice came out ragged and rushed. “Please. Stop this torture.”

She tsked, pulling back to look at him. Aurelio’s blue hair was messy around his face. His eyes were wild. His hands were clenched into fists and his teeth were gritted.

“Are you sorry now?” Dahlia whispered, her voice lilting at the end of the question.

“I-“ Her fingers brushed over his lips. “No.” He choked out, looking annoyed.

“You’re not?” She sucked on his neck, her teeth digging into his skin just enough to hurt but not enough to bleed.
He panted, grabbing onto her hair with a ferocity that didn’t surprise her. She marked his skin with her teeth, moving on to another area on his neck.

It happened about two years ago for me. I was always uncomfortable with the idea of sex, if not outright disgusted. When I went through puberty, I started getting curious, and unfortunately found my way onto WATTPAD at 14 (bad idea looking back on it lol). I questioned whether I wanted it or not. Getting older, my hormones calmed down and I don’t really have a sex drive. Sure, I think about it sometimes, have those feelings. Never for another person. Anyways, I realized two years ago that the term asexual was extremely fitting for me. I don’t want sex. I don’t want to date really. I don’t like the concept for myself. I’m fine reading or watching tv with smut, and I don’t care what others do. It’s just not for me!

Okay, to start I believe the current definition of asexual is something along the lines of "experiences no sexual attraction" and if you're talking about the wider spectrum then that's where the "little to no" comes in.

I believe that labels are prescriptive rather than descriptive, before anyone comes at me because I'm aware that's an unpopular opinion, I keep my opinions in my head. I will not call out or invalidate anyone's identity, if you want to or feel like you are asexual even if you don't quite fit the definition, I won't argue against that or anything. But in my head I will feel it's wrong.

Now, before I learnt about sexuality, I didn't really care about it. I always told others I was straight if they asked because I didn't care enough and I wasn't attracted to guys (I'm male) so I can't have been gay/bi so I just assumed straight. When I decided I wanted to learn more I learned about asexuality, I realised it fit because while I knew I wasn't attracted to men, I hadn't considered being attracted to women, and I realised I wasn't attracted to women either.

After reading a lot of microlabels I found one that I thought fit quite well. Cupiosexual, defined as "experiences no sexual attraction, but desires sexual relationships". It fit because I don't experience sexual attraction and I do have drives and such and I do believe that I want partnered activity.

Perfect! With my newfound identity as an asexual I would continue to scour the internet, like one does.

I would read many comments, the ones about asexuality were often along the lines of "asexual means no sex", which just isn't true and it directly goes against my newfound identity. I would often come back to places like this where people knew the definition of asexual, where my identity is actually valid. But every time I left to go to other places, I would see the same misconceptions and they would get upvoted/liked/whatever and other comments would agree with them! Society knows so little about asexuality...

It became a kind of cycle, I would go to other places, see comments and misconceptions and feel invalidated and them come back to places like this to feel valid again.

But I can't take it anymore! I don't want to identify as asexual anymore! Except I fit the definition, I am asexual... I just can't escape the label! I just think that, if the definition of asexual changed to what most of society believes it means, then I wouldn't fit the definition anymore and then I'll be free from this...

Sorry I just had to tell someone/put it out there, I can't keep this just in my head anymore.

For the past 2 years I've been thinking about if im asexual or not I've been searching about it and trying to get to understand it more but I end up more confused and I don't see much that fits me so please if you know help me out

Why i believe im asexual:

1-Im mostly never comfortable with anything sexual whether it's content, talk or jokes I always try to avoid it whenever I talk to someone or clarify that im not comfortable with it

2-I've never developed any crush in my life never understood why people did or what went through thier mind when they say that

3-I don't understand beauty standards or what's being called attractive. Whenever im in group and they all agree that someone is attractive i always feel odd or left out i even sometimes say that they aren't which people tell me i have bad taste

Why i believe i may not ( my confusion):

1- i actually would like to have a partner i don't mind if I never ,but im mostly leaning towards wanting it

2- i somewhat have a type or preference. I mostly find myself attracted to men with bigger bodies but cute feathers like having round face or cheeks kinda makes me feel warm

3- i like romance. Cute ideas or dates, teasing and playing around, cuddles ,hugs and kisses . I find myself feeling butterflies whenever I think about it

4- I find my partner attractive to look at? Im not sure if this is attraction or appeal . I just find myself feeling happy whenever I see him and it brings me warms when I look at him and his body

5- i enjoy company and emotional bond and i feel like this is my core feeling of warmth and romance. I care alot about the personality and i don't find myself getting "attracted" to anyone unless after spending alot of time together and getting to know them much

However as soon as anything turns sexual I feel like shutting off i almost rarely find myself getting turned by it

Hey everyone 🙂 I'm new to the whole asexual community and a bit curious about some things. So to begin, most of my life growing up was very sheltered from sexualities other than heterosexual and other orientations. My parents are very religious and don't believe that other orientations besides heterosexual are right, though they acknowledge that they exist. I just was never immersed in them, or felt the need to explore them until recently.

I'm 21 now and have been realizing how closely I identify with asexuality. I've had a few boyfriends since I was about 16, but only went all the way with one of them, and it was indeed coerced. I just never felt the want or need for sex, or thought it was a vital part of a relationship. It just doesn't interest me. However, I am completely at ease with making flirty and suggestive comments and jokes to my boyfriend or very close friends, and that leads them to believe that I am as interested in sex as they are.

I guess my main questions are these--

How do you navigate being in a relationship with a non-asexual person? I feel like that could be such a recipe for cheating (not on my part), resentment and frustration.

Is it easier to be in a relationship with two asexual people vs just one half being ace?

Is it something that should be addressed right off the bat when entertaining the idea of dating someone? It doesn't even cross my mind on a first date bc, well, sex just doesn't really cross my mind ever😅

Are there good places to meet other people of like mindedness to form relationships and make good friends?

Sorry if any of this comes off as ignorant or offensive in any way, that's not at all what I intend! I'm just super new to all of this and not sure about how anything is talked about here. Thanks!!

I'm a bit hesitant to post this here, as I don't know if it even fits on this subreddit of it it's disrespectful in any way?? I've been with my bf for months now, but I'm still deeply terrified of any intimacy (not just sex, like anything that has to do with acting romantic).

I mean, when we hangout we're both perfectly fine and everything's perfect, but it's like we've never went from friends to partner and just stayed as friends, and that's (I think) mostly on me.

I've been really questioning if I'm asexual but I still don't know if that's the case or if I'm just awkward/scared of sex (tbh sex isn't really the problem now because we've talked about that and neither of us really plans on doing or asking for anything sexual at least for now, a bit off topic). Still I'm concerned about being equally terrified of any non-sexual relationship acts as I am of sexual ones.

He's really awesome and I really love him, I don't know why I feel like that and I'm scared of hurting him or keeping him waiting for things I've should already started doing in the relationship. I just feel like I'm messing up and taking him down as collateral damage. Idk I feel like an awful person and he doesn't deserve this mess.

I've identified as asexual for most of my life.
I've had relationships. I've experienced intimacy. I've kissed people and been physically close to people before. But honestly, a lot of it always felt forced. I could understand intellectually why someone might want those things, but I never really understood the feeling behind it.
I thought maybe that's just how I was.
Then I met her.
Over the past few months, our relationship has changed in a way I never expected. We became much closer, started understanding each other better, and eventually talked openly about what had happened between us before.
She told me that she had known I liked her for a long time. She also told me that she had been scared to do anything because my mental health was in such a bad place that she wasn't sure whether my feelings or intentions were stable. And honestly, looking back, I understand why she felt that way.
I've gotten much better since then. I'm finally feeling like myself again, and our relationship has become more intimate and comfortable.
And somewhere along the way, something happened that I genuinely never expected.
I started wanting her.
Not because I thought I was supposed to. Not because she expected it from me. Not because I was trying to make myself feel something.
I just... do.
I think about kissing her constantly. I want to be close to her. I want her presence. I find her beautiful in a way that feels completely different from anything I've experienced before.
She's not even ready for a kiss yet, and I'm completely okay with waiting. The fact that I can genuinely want something while also being perfectly willing to respect her boundaries is itself a strange new experience for me.
She's told me that she's thought about us dating, but she's an enormous overthinker and wants to be sure I'm the person she actually wants before taking that step.
And meanwhile I'm sitting here thinking, "How the hell did this happen?" 😭
I've spent so much of my life believing that I simply wasn't capable of feeling these things.
Now I'm questioning everything I thought I knew about myself.
Maybe I'm still somewhere on the ace spectrum. Maybe I'm demisexual. Maybe I'm experiencing romantic and sexual attraction in a way that's extremely specific to one person. Maybe I don't need to figure that out yet.
What I do know is that this feels real.
And strangely, the biggest thing I'm struggling with isn't even the attraction itself.
It's believing that someone could actually want me back.
I've had pretty severe self-esteem issues for a long time. My relationship with my body hasn't been great, especially after some recent changes in my weight and hormones. Part of me keeps waiting for her to look at me properly and realize I'm not worth wanting.
But she keeps getting closer.
So maybe I need to stop assuming that my own perception of myself is automatically more accurate than hers.
I don't know where this is going yet.
Maybe we'll eventually date. Maybe we won't.
But for the first time in my life, I'm experiencing attraction that doesn't feel like something I'm performing or forcing myself into.
It feels like something that is actually happening to me.
And honestly?
I'm kind of terrified.
But I'm also really happy.
I just never expected that my first experience of genuinely wanting someone would make me question my entire understanding of myself.

Is it just me, or do people just not understand Asexuality or just want to tell you that you're wrong? For context, I'm an 18-year-old male and Panromantic asexual. If you don't know, I romantically like people regardless of gender, but I'm still asexual and experience no sexual attraction. I personally think that it's easy to understand; it's not rocket science. However, some people don't know what I mean. I'm a writer and was having people read and help me edit my story. I made one of my characters asexual because we don't get enough rep. One of the people asked if asexuality was not liking anyone. I had to explain that we still can romantically like people. He argued with me, saying I was wrong about my own sexuality. I truly wanted to punch him.

In our modern world, I know sexual and romantic attraction are very intertwined, but can we like change that? I don't mind explaining what asexuality is, but I hate being told that I'm wrong about my own sexuality. I wanted to yell at him, "Dude, I'm asexual. Have you done the research? I have. I had a few years where I thought I was a freak; like, really, you want to tell me all those papers I read where completly wong." I hate people's ignorance, and most of the time they don't even want to learn. Then there's always the dumb question, "Why don't you want sex ?" People need to understand how attraction works; we don't live in a rom-com. I could truly write a whole story about all the things people say to me; it's only to get worse. I count myself lucky tho, though; I found a partner who respects my asexuality, and I truly love him for that. I have had so many people try to pressure me into sex, and it's like, no, I would much rather have cake lol. Oh well, I just needed to rant. We need to start taking over the world soon before someone else tries to deny my asexuality. Love Y'all :)

I am an asexual (I think) the idea of sex disgusts me and the idea of partaking in sex or watching it makes me feel icky but I still like tits and het hard even though I never do anything! what is wrong with me!!!

(AMAB, bi) I am kind of attracted to the idea of having an outercourse or activites such as spanking or getting spanked, as I said, I am not really interested anything including penetration (maybe except getting penetrated but not sure, probably just in fantasy settings). And even then, I'm mostly interested in solo activities and would even prefer it to the former things I said. I never had an experience and I am (I think) not interested in having one. Would I be still considered an allosexual since I still have an interest in non-penetrative forms of sexual activity?

Hi. I’m a 26 year old woman from Sweden. I’ve always felt a bit different because sex and sexual acts like making out and touching makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. I thought it was because sexual abuse I’ve experienced and maybe that is the cause, I don’t know. I have been involved in sexual acts and been interested in it, but that disappeared. I feel disgusted just thinking about sex. I’m in a relationship and we do have sex from time to time but I feel disgusted by myself. I feel unattractive and each time we have sex I feel like he’s not really having sex with me just because he loves me or actually want to. It feels more like something he does to please his urges. Like just get it over with. I know he could easily find a prettier woman to be with and he’s definitely made it clear to me that he can get anyone he wants. I think he chooses to stay with me just because I’m easy . I never argue with him or make his life difficult. I carry all the bad feelings inside. Deep within my heart I love him. So so much. But I don’t think he loves me the same way. I once asked him “if we never had sex.. would you still be with me?” He said “no” . That’s my answer. My dream partner would be someone that would love me just as much as I love them. Someone that finds me just as attractive as I find them, BUT not having any sexual urges. I don’t want to have sex and feel uncomfortable all the time. I would rather have someone to have fun with, talk about everything, cuddle and watch movies. Sex just makes me feel pressured. I just don’t want to have it tbh. It’s not important to me.

Sorry for writing so much.. I’m just wondering.. am I really asexual? I’ve never liked sex nor wanted it, no matter the partner I’ve had. I can find someone sexually attractive but it’s more like “damn he’s hot and sexy. Would love to be close to him” and it makes me all tingly but I still don’t want any sex. I prefer to pleasure myself.
Also I’m wondering if anyone else is asexual here in Sweden and have been able to find a partner that’s ok with not having sex?