Man, I miss you
It's been a year since we reconnected now so I've been a little pensive. I miss you a lot.
I still love you so much, I always will, it would be easier if I didn't tbh but I can't regret falling in love with you. If I didn't experience the bad and the hurt the positive wouldn't be so special. I hate being down but I just try to remember that if I didn't experience being down then being up and "high" would mean nothing.
I'm so gutted that we never properly spoke when we ended. I understand why, it doesn't negate how much it tore me apart though.
I know you'll always believe I lied and betrayed you, but I know I never did. I felt crazy after you said that to me. I almost started doubting my own mind, I punished myself for perceived faults, I punished myself for acting with too much explosive emotion.
I'm embarrassed about how I handled everything, I know it's a result of my condition, but that doesn't take away the shame I felt acting without thinking. I hate my unstable emotions, yet I have to try live with them, most of the time I do it really well. I've done a lot of work to be that way.
I'm so glad you allowed me to share your life for the short time we had, I'll always cherish it. You deserve the best, and honestly, that's not me, I'm too much to deal with. You deserve a life filled with peace and happiness, I hope you find that, there's no one I can think of who's more worthy of that tranquility.
I miss you so fucking much, but it's so much easier than it was. Time really does heal.