Questioning choices - IMT
I worked insanely hard to get IMT. Years of exams, working as a non-trainee, building a portfolio from scratch, dealing with personal setbacks, trying alternative competencies without proper support, and finally getting into IMT after 4 years. At the beginning, I was genuinely proud and happy. It felt like everything I sacrificed was finally worth it. I gave PACES last month and failed. I’m preparing to give it again now.
And honestly? The biggest shock for me is how little actual clinical medicine there seems to be in training. Most days feel like endless ward management, discharge summaries, bed pressures, chasing jobs, and doing clerk tasks that have very little to do with learning medicine deeply. You spend so much energy for service provision that there’s barely any mental space left to study, reflect, or actually grow clinically. Because of this, I am at stage where I don’t know which speciality suits me, and in turn I can’t work up for any portfolio.
Everyone talks about portfolios, checklists, competencies, tickets, forms. As long as those are done, the system seems satisfied. But internally, I don’t feel satisfied at all. I thought training would make me a better physician through teaching, mentorship, and clinical exposure. Instead, a lot of the time it feels like being a ward manager who occasionally practices medicine.
People say “just self-study,” but self-study needs energy. After nonstop ward work and constant pressure, sometimes your brain is just empty. Then people wonder why trainees struggle with exams or burnout.
Anyone else feel the same?