My girlfriend (26f) says I (29f) sexually touched her in my sleep. What would you do in my situation?
My story has some elements that people may find disturbing, TW: non-consensual sexual contact, trauma
My girlfriend recently told me something that has seriously disturbed both of us, and I honestly don’t know how to handle it.
Last weekend I stayed at her apartment. I suffer from insomnia and slept very badly Saturday night. On Sunday we watched a movie in bed and fell asleep together. Before sleeping, I tried initiating sex, but she said she wasn’t in the mood. I accepted that and we went to sleep. On Monday I overslept and rushed to work. Over the next few days she became distant, but she has depressive episodes where she isolates herself, so I assumed she needed space.
This weekend she told me that while we were asleep, I apparently started grinding against her and ejaculated on her while she was asleep. She has a history of sexual assault, so this brought up a lot of trauma and fear for her. I want to be very clear that I am not denying her experience. I believe that this is how she experienced the situation, and I understand why it was upsetting and violating for her. What is deeply disturbing to me is that I have absolutely no memory of doing this, and I genuinely believed we both stayed asleep through the night.
I don’t know whether this could have happened in my sleep or whether I partially woke up and don’t remember it. I feel sick about the possibility that I did something sexual to someone who had not consented, especially someone I care about deeply.
Right now I don’t know what the responsible thing to do is. I want to support her and take this seriously, but I’m also confused and struggling to understand what happened.
EDIT: Sorry I mistyped and it hsould say that I am male (29M)