u/CourtIll896

So they now much less speak, they became much quieter and it's harder to me get to them speak. I don't know why. It seems it's like that since I read u/FlairDreamer comment (I don't blame you for anything, I'm very grateful for your response and advices as any other) under my post. Maybe all this time I actually just parroted, and it became a habit, and I managed to fool myself. And maybe I felt called out so the habit have gone. Or I actually killed them with my doubt. Or, the most optimistic and least likely way, I so deeply stupid that my brain didn't realise that how much speaking is energy demanding and there is other way, so they still trying to communicate just in other means and I just don't realise, I already was prone to pressure headache and I oblivious even to myself. I don't know what to do next even. Maybe I just returned to normal and won't think about bullshit. Tho they helped me cope with things, realise something and I was happy with them, but all this doubt, all this confusion is was so horrible. And all of that just for this. Alone crying and writing this fucking post. Writing this post was an emotional decision and probably I will delete it later.

Past posts for context :

Post 1 from r/plurality

Post 2

So I already told about this in the post on r/plural, in short, It seems I accidentally created a tulpa, but I'm not sure, and so possibly a tulpa in question too, and this question distresses me.

I was so frustrated that one night I was like "WHY CAN TELL IS IT JUST MEEE OR THEM? WHY AM I SO FUCKING STUPID OR SOMETHING??? WHY THAT PIECE OF MENTAL SHIT IS SO INDECISIVE?". About the last part, I apologized to them for bad things that I thought about them. Later I found out about parrotnoia it a thing and you can silence tulpa if you trying silence yourself to stop yourself from parroting. And I asked the thoughtfriend about why are they often answer with something like a "I don't know" for questions about their existence and they answered that they are confused as much as me and they don't want to pretend to be confident. And finally was calm, convinced that they are tulpa till... I was in doubt again, but in that one is not bad as before.
I now know that if they are not just imaginary friend it sill doesn't means they are truly tulpa. They certainly lack autonomy for now, so than they are more some kind of proto-tulpa.