Scared and lost - Wife found my wig hair
Last night was a rough night. For context, I’m 25 and married. My wife and I recently moved in together, got her immigrated to my home country, and have made an awesome life. Only thing is, I am unable to come out as transgender. She often makes comments that aren’t transphobic per-say but enough to make me feel uncomfortable. I have been struggling for years and while we lived apart, in my private time, I dressed up femme and did my make up. Last year I showed her some of my looks for a Renn faire cosplay and she was uncomfortable. Since then I haven’t really shown her anymore but my wardrobe expanded, my skills improved, and now we live together.
I brought my make up stuff and told her she could use it. Some other stuff too. But I kept my girl clothes and wigs in my hometown. Well, I finally decided to bring it down, and so I put it in hidey spots. I dress when she’s at work and wash it before she gets home. She has noticed a few things like my legs having no hair and such.
Well last night, she was brushing her teeth and found hair from one of my wigs. It’s bright ginger red. She was very thrown off and immediately clocked it as my wig hair. I was so off guard I didn’t know what to say. I just denied knowing where it came from. Now, I worry this is getting out of control. I really don’t know if I can come out. I’m about to throw my stuff away. I feel shame and disgusted with myself. I’m running scenarios in my head. Honestly didn’t even sleep because of it. I also love this woman with all my heart and soul, and I can’t stand the thought of losing her.
TLDR: My wife found my wig hair and I don’t think I can come out yet. I’m not sure what to do now.