Long story short I got consumed by the black pill space starting in middle many years ago way before it has reached every facet of social media today. I found it not because I seeked it out but because my experiences led me there eventually. If you don’t know the black pill it’s basically just genetic determinism but mostly the looks = everything ideas get highlighted the most.
After facing such depressing realizations (and a multitude of research and other data that reinforces such beliefs) I obviously became hyper aware of these ideas. Unfortunately, in my own experiences and my observations the black pill was completely right.
I basically coped for years saying that it will eventually get better because I’m young and I have time to look better. The problem is I’m now in my 20s and I have run out of cope. Basically every dating app has amounted to probably a few likes (most of which are bots) and all other interaction with the opposing sex is basically avoided considering the odds.
After some very bad thoughts leading to an unwelcome wellness check I have been through a roulette of every SSRI and tried therapy multiple times. Even now at the max dose of Zoloft I still have those same bad thoughts which seem to get worse everyday as time ticks away. I genuinely see no future of love for me. I literally don’t care about money. Why would I spend more of my life to amass wealth which I have no desire to use?
My therapist and psychiatrist just disagree with my views but I never can get a clear counter argument from them other then just “enjoy life” and other bs like that. To top it all off just 2 weeks ago while I was walking by myself at night I was insulted by a car driving by regarding my looks. A week ago while also walking at night I was insulted once more by a guy walking by (at least he was making fun of my shirt and not my looks as the previous time).
Does anyone have any answers? I’m completely lost in life and have nearly given up completely. How am I supposed to reverse my worldview into a positive one when every fraction of my life has been consumed by endless proof that my depression is an effect of my circumstances rather than my current undesirable circumstances emerging as an effect from an “irrational” depression?