I’m looking for honest perspectives from people who have either gone through infidelity (on either side) or tried therapy after it.
I cheated on my husband multiple times—once in 2018, again in 2023 (which I admitted to 3 months after the fact and he decided to reconcile and go to therapy with me), and again in 2024. I recently told him about the 2018 and 2024 situation because I didn’t want to keep anything hidden anymore.
A big part of why I finally came clean is because I’ve been carrying a lot of guilt and remorse, and I didn’t want to keep hiding in that or pretending it didn’t happen. I know that being honest now doesn’t undo anything, but I didn’t feel right trying to move forward while still keeping part of the truth from him.
His response was that he’s willing to go to therapy, but he made it clear that doesn’t mean he’s willing to reconcile.
I completely understand why. I’m not trying to minimize what I did. I know this is a pattern and that I’ve broken his trust more than once. I also know that being honest now doesn’t undo the damage.
I guess what I’m trying to understand is:
– For people who were cheated on, what did “going to therapy” mean for you? Was it about figuring out whether to stay or just processing things before leaving?
– If you’ve been in my position, what actually helped you show change in a way that your partner could believe over time?
I’m not expecting reassurance that things will work out. I’m trying to be realistic and take responsibility, while also understanding what this stage (therapy without a promise of reconciliation) actually looks like.
I do love him and want to rebuild, but I also know I may have done too much damage.
I’d really appreciate honest input, even if it’s hard to hear.