Not sure if this is the right sub for this but I am looking on some input into going to the doctor/finding a provider as a black person or child in America.
I am white and my boyfriend of 3 years is African American. He has a daughter from a previous non interracial relationship. Her mother’s house isn’t the most stable, healthy, or structured place and there are pretty much no rules over there. She has always had some behavioral issues but now that she’s in kindergarten, they are coming out more and she’s had a lot of issues at school, like serious issues. I have been saying for a while he should get his daughter in therapy just due to the instability, chaos, bad behavior, and mentally abusive situations she’s already seen or been in at her young age. Well, after the most recent and most serious issue she had at school, I think therapy is absolutely a must now.
Here’s where the problem comes in. He wants her to see a black woman therapist so she can see someone like her and relate more. Which I totally understand however, there just aren’t that many providers in our area that fit that criteria and take his insurance. I spent a while looking and found a handful and after days and days of nagging, he finally called one of them and she has no openings. So I said you might have to compromise on something and just go with a woman therapist for now and maybe we can readdress it down the line and there could be more options. But he says he thinks having a black woman is really important. I think getting her the help she needs is the most important and compromising is just something that has to be done right now.
Obviously, as a white woman, I don’t have a hard time finding providers who look like me and I am able to see myself represented everywhere in terms of entertainment and positions of power so it’s not something I can understand completely.
So my question is, is it really such a big deal that she sees a black woman therapist? Again, I would think getting your child the help that she needs would be top priority. In a perfect world, it’d be great if all the criteria could be met but at this point, it’s just not super realistic the other option is just not getting her help and letting her behavior get worse until she gets kicked out of school??
I also feel like he doesn’t see or understand just how bad her behavior is and how serious it is now that she’s consistently having problems at school. Maybe it’s clearer to me because she’s not my flesh and blood so I don’t see her through rose colored glasses like a birth/bio parent would. Plus, this is the first child he’s ever been around whereas I’ve been around children all my life so I know this isn’t just typical behavior for her age. I do also feel like because I’m not her mom, he takes what I say in regards to her with a grain of salt which doesn’t feel good.
I appreciate any insight into this as maybe I’m just looking at it through a privileged lense.