u/CowgirlJedi

Today we had our Women’s Spring Retreat. The theme was “Beloved”. I want to start by thanking every wonderful woman who participated, today was an awesome day and I got some much needed reminders about a few things, and I hope you all did as well. There were many others there I couldn’t tag, but I appreciate them all the same.

We had listening groups, and soul stations, there were 6 I think. We had pizza for lunch. We talked. We exchanged conversation and viewpoints. We were there for each other and we grew and bonded as beloved daughters of God.

There was a station called the soaking room, which was just resting in worship in dim lighting. We laid down with blankets and absorbed the music. We did yoga (which I can’t believe I’ve never done before and I will absolutely be doing more of. ). We journaled. My favorite soul station was called Landscape of my Soul. We were supposed to build what our soul felt like or what we thought it looked like. I included some pictures of mine. The pine tree is God. The flickering candle is me. The sand is the landscape and distance between us. The flowers placed between God and me are intentionally placed with the flower end pointing towards me, and the stem pointing towards God because he replenishes my garden.

The black rocks are hindrances, things that happen to me that distort my faith or make it harder for me to see God in the moment. The feathers and shells are distractions. Things that may not be inherently bad but I can get easily consumed by and get in the way of me resting with my God. The burnt matches in the corner weren’t on purpose. One went out too early, and the other I accidentally blew the candle out with the match. I decided to include the used matches in the landscape. Because when my fire goes out, God can always relight the flame.

The honeycomb fragment in front of the pine tree representing God is a mental or emotional block. I forget I’m loved. Things happen to me like the black rocks and I forget that I’m beloved. It makes it harder for me to see God. But he can grow above it and reach me, just as the pine tree in the landscape reaches higher than the honeycomb.

I am beloved. I am wanted. I matter. And I am so so happy and blessed I found this church and this community. The church I was baptized in. The women I’ve bonded with. The friends and relationships I’ve made. A few friends told me some hard truths about my giving nature, and my seeming inability to receive. It is something I’ve become purposefully conscious of and I will be taking very seriously in working on. Because God’s little girl deserves the world.

I did not have a father. Not really. My bio dad left when I was 4, and stepdad 1 was very abusive including by SAing me. God sees ME. The broken me, the me that’s desperate to heal, that scared little girl, and the woman now trying to pick up those pieces and put them back together and hold her younger self. And God holds me, and my younger self, all at once and so completely. Sometimes a girl just needs her daddy. She needs to be held. She needs to be loved. And I’m trying my best to let God be that.

Thank you so much to our church Women for putting this on. My prayer is that every other woman there got as much out of this day and was as replenished and renewed by this day as I have been. May we all rejoice together, as the angels in heaven rejoice over us.

#Beloved #DaughtersOfGod