r/TransChristianity

(15m) All of my life I’ve imagined being a woman, fantasized about it, wanted it, etc. Never thought of it this way until a few months ago when my dysphoria was getting worse and I decided to research. At that point I realized what it was. The dysphoria has been torturous since then, and nothing seems like it could help. Not even transition. If I don’t pass, I’ll feel even worse about myself and my looks than I do now. If I do pass, I highly doubt it would satisfy me. I’d never truly feel as though I were a woman. On top of that there’s the threat of losing friends and family, and all of the other risks that would come with this. I hate not being a woman, but I’m not one and I can’t change that. I don’t know how I’m supposed to live the rest of my life feeling like that.

Why was I born into a self that would know nothing but suffering for being me?

I’m going thru so much shit right now and I’m just so exhausted and bored with life I wanna die but my bf loves me so maybe I should stick around for awhile?

Hi!

I just discovered this subreddit and I am so thankful it exists. I recently got back into my faith and it’s been incredible so far but I’m feeling a ton of pressure from the church/my family. For context, I’m genderfluid and I’ve been on testosterone for about three years and I finally got to a place where I feel like I like myself (I will say that meeting Jesus again has definitely helped with that). I feel like I’m being pulled in two—my family seems to think that me believing again means that I’m detransitioning and that soon God will ‘heal me’ of the ‘trans curse.’ But in my conversations with God and my bible studies, I have never felt that this was a cause for concern. In fact, I feel like God has been telling me to start not caring about what other people think of me! It’s just so hard when it’s coming from family and from the pastors/churches I’ve visited.

If anyone has any advice or words of encouragement, I would appreciate it greatly. 🙏

Hi everyone! I do want to say that I read a lot of what people already had to say about their journies of being trans and Christian, and it already has helped me a lot.

I could give a lot of context, but I want to try to be brief, and then I can go in more detail later if necessary. From where I'm at now and where I've been for quite awhile, I have no doubt in God working in my life and believing in Him. In fact, about 9 years ago, when I came out, believing in God was intrinsically tied to that. It is what made me believe.

But being Christian is an entirely different thing. The reason I started to believe in God is because I needed to. I got clean from drugs and started a 12 step program. I was an atheist at the start, and I had a lot of fear about believing in something, but I was told God could be whatever I wanted as long God is loving and caring. So I started from scratch, just trying to pray to something to help me. I didn't use anything religious to help me with this. Only others' experience and my direct contact with God. It's because God guided me to knowing I was trans that I was sure He existed and that He was always with me. I had many other experiences as well, but this one really made me believe.

So now, after I came from a really bad period of anxiety and depression at the end of last year, I knew I needed an even stronger relationship. I have finally been looking at things from a religious perspective, because I wanted to know more about how others besides in 12 steps grow closer to God. I had started to look into a Christianity (I grew up Catholic, so it was familiar). I also looked at other religions, too. The only other one that really stood out to me was Hinduism. I knew I needed something with a strong theistic perspective, and these two seemed to be the most relatable.

I won't talk too much about what I learned in Hinduism, since this space really isn't about that. But with Christianity is where I have been back and forth. The biggest one, which usually is for trans people, is how do I even be a Christian while being trans. The "is it a sin" is the most common one, which I feel has been thoroughly talked about here. The other one is about identity, because the Bible does talk about our only identity being with Christ. I have prayed on that a lot. The best I have come up with is that the "trans" label is more of a descriptor for myself, but not the center of my existence. After all, God is the center of it all. I have been thinking less of trans being "mine" and more of it as a gift from God. I feel that I have to believe that God, if it's His will, could take it back. Not that He would, because that is not in God's character, but more so of an understanding of how powerful and infinite God is. This is mostly what I've been working with so far.

The other part is more about Christianity being the narrow path. Being in the 12 step fellowship, I am used to people have many different beliefs, and I can see God and spirituality working in their lives. I have a very difficult time with the idea that believing the gods they believe in are false, because it seems like for Christianity to truly work, you have to believe only in the trinity, and that anything else is false. For myself, I also was raised spiritually in this programme with being open minded. And it has been absolutely necessary in my journey, or I would have never believed at all. I have a lot of fear about closing doors to open new ones, even though I have done it plenty of times already. Transitioning was clearly one of them!

And the specifics of doctrine as well. Like believing the Bible to be truth and the inspired word of God. Also about the purpose of Jesus' sacrifice, granting us salvation, and that he rose from the dead. How do people believe all of this to be true with conviction? I am still working on understanding what I believe as far as an afterlife goes. I'm immersing myself in this as much as I can on my own power. Watching videos, reading the Bible, praying and meditating in ways where I am being very vulnerable with God. I am a very logical left brained person, so belief in general has always been difficult, but when I see God working in my personal life, it's a lot different than attributing historical events and post death events to knowing exactly what God is doing.

You may wonder, why are you trying to be a Christian anyway? Obviously something is drawing me towards it. The biggest positive I have always felt is forgiveness. Other religions touch on it, but Christianity talks about it in a way that completely fills up my heart and spirit. I can't not cry thinking about when they are nailing Jesus to the cross, experiencing extreme physical pain, and he says "father, forgive them, for they know what what they do." I strive to be this forgiving in my life more than anything. I also like how Christianity talks about how we can just call on God anytime, and the more we simply let Him be first, everything else seems to work out. I feel like I've been trying to do this. I've even shut off the music in my car while driving, just to be in His presence more. I can tell you for sure, that I am more at peace, even with internal conflict, when I do this. My anxiety has gone down significantly, and I don't get as obsessed about uncertainty and all my life problems. I just do what I need to do next, and let Him.

I have also tried different churches, and I am finding more community with people who also believe in God. I love talking about God with others, and I feel like I have been finding potential homes in Christian communities. Other religions could potentially do this as well, but it is difficult to find them, and also the time with my work schedule, to do so. Either way, I guess I'm being led to where I'm going. I'm choosing the churches carefully, so all of them have been welcoming and accepting of me being there. I'll be a sinner, trans or not, so I'm welcome in what some would call the hospital for sinners. And I feel I get better as I get closer to God.

Ok that was a lot. So I'll say TL;DR version is I believe in God, mostly because I'm trans, but I'm having some trouble with Christianity specifically. I probably have more on mind, and other aspects of this are definitely going on, but I think this is a good place to start.

Even when I was rejecting complementarism ("men are leaders and women are helpers" nonsense), this is the message I got: that I was transgressing against God and I was just prideful (how awesome that questioning any teaching is rebelling against God, how convenient!)

I know if I come out this is the stuff my mom will throw at me, and although she's one of the most compassionate people I've met, I don't know if I'm strong enough for my whole church and half of my family to think of me as just "brainwashed" or "rebelling against God".

People don't get it when you tell them this is who you are, because they think it's just another sin (the sin of lying or rebelling I guess? Idk) that you're "glorifying" and "we're called to deny ourselves".

So many times these things get used to supress people and stop them from questioning the status quo. A thought-terminating cliche if you will.

So, how should I deal with "deny yourself" and "our hearts are deceptive" claims?

Came out to my parents. They think this as mental illness and asking me to pray God for God to remove this thoughts of being in wrong body away. I told them, it's fine if they wanna think this is as mental illness but the treatment to it is transitioning, but they are not understanding at all. They are saying God can do many things including completely remove my thoughts of trying to be trans or wanna transition and rep.

Any advice would be nice 🙏🏼

Are there any discord servers where I can meet other trans Christians? I only know one other trans girl who converted a while back. The current state of the US has me really seeking fellow trans folk of faith to lean on because it’s all so uncertain.

That is from Roman's 8:1. Ive been feeling discouraged lately but I find comfort and reassurance in Scripture.

No matter how much we are scorned and slandered, remember we are saved by grace. Remember that We who have been called by Christ Jesus, are deeply loved by Him. 🌸

I've dealt with a lot of anxiety, fear and hurt but I am reminded that He is in control. And our focus should be on Christ, and what He says about us. Not what others think of us.

"As for me, I will be vindicated and will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness" Psalm 17:15

I pray that you all find peace, hope, and joy in Christ Jesus. 🌸💙

Welp, here we go. This is going to be a long one, so buckle up.

Today is the day I just started up the lift on the roller coaster. So I came out to my psychiatrist on Monday, my supportive brother on Thursday... and forced out to everyone else in my family including my wife of 20+ years, two kids, and conservative parents and other brother today.

My psychiatrist wrote detailed notes about our Monday visit on my medical chart, where I talked about steps I was taking to alleviate dysphoria, my preferred name and pronouns, desire to start HRT, *everything*. I had no idea she would go into that much detail on the actual chart.

My (apparently soon-to-be ex-)wife is a medical proxy for me (meaning neither her nor my psych did anything wrong, please don't be mad at them), and was logging in to the app to make an appointment and she saw the visit notes from my psych appointment before I had a chance to tell her about everything (i didn't even realize all those notes were there since they hadn't been when I previously checked). She has been under a lot of stress from being in the process of changing jobs (new one starts Monday at the same org I work for) and I didn't want to mess up Mother's Day for her or the kids.

She has known about my gender dysphoria since I first realized that's what it was three years ago, and I had told her my name in passing (though she never used it), and she was OK with me doing GNC things at home or in private, but still wanted me to appear as a man and not pursue transition.

As soon as I got out of the shower, she confronted me about the doctor notes, and I told her *everything*, like the floodgates opened up. Then she told me to pack a suitcase and leave, she didn't care where, since she couldn't be around me. During the process of packing, she had me call my ultra-conservative parents and my pastor to tell them I'm trans. If I didn't call them she would have, and it would be better coming from me. So they all know I'm trans now, and think it is a pathology and I need to get help to fix it (and *not* HRT). Then she has me explain to the kids why I'm leaving. My daughter broke my heart by tearfully asking "Do you not love us anymore?" I told her, "Of course I love you baby! I'll never *not* love you. I just need to find a way to love myself so that I can be there for you!"

Anyways, I leave the house to go to a local library to try to figure out accommodations, when my other brother, a firefighter, calls me to do a welfare check. Apparently, my wife called him after I left worried for my safety, though I have never *seriously* contemplated or attempted harming myself. Either way, he is concerned for me (which I appreciate) but doesn't know any of the details of what happened. There was no sense hiding it from him, since worst case scenario of my parents knowing already happened. Everyone says they still love and "support" me, but none of them can *really* understand, and just spit platitudes at me.

I'm feeling a whole lot like Elsa (Frozen), concealing who I was for so long, forcibly outed by circumstances outside my control, and now... despite everything, a strange sense of peace, free from the burden of hiding, and hopeful for a brighter future.

My wife let me come home to sleep on the couch until we can arrange logistics for living situations for everyone since she doesn't want me to be homeless, but asked me point blank to choose: 1. Stay with her and keep struggling with this for the rest of my life (with her support) or 2. Release her and "give in" to dysphoria by transitioning, going our separate ways to both pursue our own happiness (also with her support).

It would be completely unfair of me to keep stringing her along since I can't be the man she needs (she is *very* straight). I pretended to be a man for 40+ years and I just don't have the strength to keep up the facade anymore. It would end up doing more harm to the kids to have my mental health deteriorate that far, and her resenting me for keeping her around. I'm genuinely not sure if it would be more selfish to keep trying (this is not the first time I've chosen her over myself) while stringing her along, or to give her the freedom she deserves and I fully embrace who I am. There doesn't seem to be any good answer, and someone will be hurt no matter what.

I definitely don't want the kids to be collateral damage, but I don't think there's any way to stop that now that we are here.

I will *always* love her and want the best for her, and I wish her no ill will at all. She says she will still support me even if she can't be with me. But this looks like the end of our marriage. I can't see a way for us to stay together that doesn't end in resentment, one way or another. Either she will resent me keeping her "trapped" and not being able to meet her needs as a man, or I'll resent her for being "trapped" and not being able to transition.

If there was any way to keep my family together while still being myself, that is what I would pick, without a doubt, but that simply cannot be. It's a coin flip and neither option is truly desirable for all parties involved.