u/CraftNecessary3248

I had my bachelorette last month and it did not go well. It wasn’t fun for my friends, and it was extremely stressful for me. I’m struggling to figure out how to bring this up with my friends or even if I should, I feel so ashamed.

Planning isn’t my strong suit, so I asked my maid of honor to plan the event after I had made some key decisions. I don’t know where the breakdown happened, but I think part of the problem was that a few of my decisions started things off on the wrong note, and then some of her planning style rubbed the other bridesmaids the wrong way.

I picked a location that was about two hours from the nearest major airport, on the other side of the country from where many of the people attending live. I recognized too late that this wasn’t a good choice because travel would take up so much time, but by that point it was too late and people had already booked their flights. We ended up spending so, so much of the weekend driving back-and-forth to the airport because it was either that or someone had to sit at the airport for four hours and wait for the next person to arrive. By the time we all got there, it was late on Friday night and everyone was exhausted. We had all day Saturday together, then people had to start getting up at 5 AM on Sunday morning to go to the airport so that day was basically a loss.

I also heard a lot of complaints about how my maid of honor handled the planning and time leading up to the bachelorette:

1. She started a group chat immediately (which made sense to me!) and then released one to two new pieces of information per week, so there was a lot of conversation occurring every single week. There were a lot of one off requests like “lets make a playlist” or “please send your dress for approval” or “please update the spreadsheet with your flight arrival time” - all of these seem like very fair requests to me, but my bridesmaids told me it was annoying to have a group chat run in this way.

2. A few of the planning decisions weren’t complete until the last minute, which meant there was a lot of confusion about logistics, transportation, etc. This is what caused us to have to make so many airport trips.

3. We did a lot of venmoing back-and-forth all weekend. Two of the bridesmaids privately expressed to me that after spending so much money on attending the trip, getting very specific outfits for the event, etc. they were offended that they were nickel and dimed for their portion of food and gas during the weekend.

4. Because we picked a place none of us had ever been to or had any familiarity with, we didn’t know there was no cell service, and we went on a long hike that started out fine but then once we realized we had no cell service people started getting scared about an emergency situation and what we would do, so most of the girls just turned around.

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Basically, each individual thing was fine and understandable, but it all added up to me feeling like my girls absolutely hated attending this trip and feel resentful toward me for making them do it. I admit that I could have picked a better place, but outside of that, all of the requests seem very standard? All of the bachelorette I’ve been to have included a group chat, Venmo, lots of travel for a short weekend, everything I just described. But I feel such sadness about doing this to some of my very best friends in the world, all of whom are again spending lots of money and time to attend my wedding in a few weeks. I don’t understand how this happened or why I feel so bad. Please help.

I’m in my mid 30s and have been climbing on and off for about 10 years now. I have been pretty consistent these past 10 years: I boulder indoors, and do a pretty good job of balancing climbing a few days a week with other life things (friends, marriage, work).

For the past six months or so, I haven’t been feeling excited about climbing. I think this is due to a combination of the following:

1. I moved across the country and switched gyms to one with much harder mats and higher walls. I gave myself bad whiplash on one of my first sessions and ever since then, have been genuinely scared of falling from the top of the wall. This makes it harder to try hard.

2. I got a new job that has a lot less flexibility in work hours. So, I’m finding myself at the gym after 5:00, when it’s a sensory nightmare. The team kids are running around and the gym is packed with after work climbers just like me. It’s loud and overwhelming.

3. About once a month I tweak something. One time it was my back, then my finger, then my neck. This makes me scared of trying hard (see #1 above). It also feels unpredictable and like I’m never sure if a hard move is going to push my development or just hurt me. I know the solution is probably to have a better warm-up routine, but it’s hard to do a relaxed warm-up when kids are screaming and dozens of people are laying on the mats at any given time.

4. We bought a house and it’s requiring a lot of time for home improvement projects. I feel like I’m living a very stereotypically corporate life. I genuinely get jealous when I follow climbers on Instagram who don’t have a 9 to 5 and have managed to live a very alternative life. Seeing that bums me out and makes me wish I could have that.

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Lately I found myself more into running because it’s quieter/calmer/solo and has resulted in fewer injuries for me. When I’m climbing, I have to force myself to stay for even 40 minutes. I always wanted to be a lifelong climber and have been pretty careful about preserving my psych over the years — I don’t chase grades or do things that risk losing my joy for climbing.

Should I take a break for a few months and see if the joy comes back? Or does that increase the likelihood that climbing will fade from my life forever?