Feel like I’m not cut out for this.
Currently 8 weeks into 2u2 and feel like I’m failing both my daughters. We live in an 1100 sq ft condo with me, my husband, 2 girls, and our dog. There is only so much we can do to entertain my 1st who is 16 months old, because we really limit screen time. I feel like she’s bored and unhappy. We go out for walks a lot, library story time, toddler play group at the rec center, and visit family, but at home we have limited space. She loves reading books and playing with the toys she does have, and i try to do coloring and activities with her. She is super into throwing tantrums now and has INSANE stranger danger everywhere we go and needs a lot of time to adjust. She never warms up to “unfamiliar” adults engaging her and it concerns me a bit.
At the same time, I feel like I can’t spend any real time with my 8-week-old. We do tummy time, play mat time, and try to do eye tracking… but it still doesn’t feel like enough. I feel like I can never keep up with stuff around the house and to-dos keep piling up. We have a small village but it still isn’t enough help to make a huge difference despite how wonderful that village is. I have a digital calendar that I just got for Mother’s Day that’s helping a bit, but I just constantly feel like I have none of my shit together and I’m drowning.
Is this normal? I feel like I genuinely shouldn’t have had kids and I’m failing them both. Worst part is, husband is still on paternity leave and we are still finding this THIS hard. I’m screwed when he goes back to work. I’m also grieving my mom who died at 63 last year unexpectedly so I think it really compounds how much worse I feel. I just feel like I am not cut out for this and have none of my sh** together.