r/2under2

Hello everyone,

I currently have a 19mo and expecting to give birth in a month.

Since my son turned 1, he started sleeping in the bed with us (or just me when husband is working). He is so used to me in bed now, he sleeps very well he does wake up but he only touches my hair and falls back asleep quickly.

I am worried will co-sleeping be sustainable when the baby comes? The baby will be sleeping in his own bassinet close to my bed but he will be nursing in the bed. I’m scared that my toddler will be turning around and hitting the baby by accident.

We got him a bed right next to ours (on husband’s side) literally connected, but he just won’t get in. Last night I put him to sleep in his bed and as soon as he first woke up, my husband put him in our bed and wouldn’t let me put him back in his because he is waking him up more that way🙄 he is so not helping. He said we should take baby steps by not just shocking him with his own bed at once, but I know actually he just cares about getting more sleep himself

Does anyone have any advice or experience to share how to best handle this situation?

PS: his own bedroom is not an option since we don’t have a spare bedroom.

I don’t know if I need support, advice, or just to rant but I’m at the end of my rope.

This evening, my toddler (2y 3m) hit the baby (5m) super hard on the head multiple times with a hard sharp edge plastic toy. She was in her bouncer, my toddler was playing, and I don’t know what happen but he decided to band this thing on her head like a drum. She screamed so hard. I was in the bathroom, other adults were supposed to be watching them and they weren’t.

I was sick with guilt for hours. She is fine, I did a video call with the dr and she just has some superficial bruising/marks. No swelling from what we can tell. She nursed and was happy and smiling after she calmed down.

My toddler still seems to hate the baby. He’s not warmed up to her still despite me trying to involve him and give him lots of 1-1 time. He doesn’t show a blink of emotion when she’s crying or upset, he pushes me away from her all the time. I still can’t put them down for a nap/bedtime solo because he wont let me hold her in bed (he still sleeps in our bed) without hitting, grabbing, or crying that I’m holding her.

People keep saying it gets easier but when? We are moving in a few weeks and won’t have grandparents support anymore and I’m terrified. Right now all I feel is terrible that I brought my daughter into this and she just keeps getting hurt or ignored (she doesn’t get half the attention my son did) and I feel terrible I tried to give my son a sibling but he seems to hate her.

everyone says you need a village, but I’m honestly curious as to what that village entails: nanny? food delivery? chef? what would actually make 2 under 2 easy?

I have a week old newborn and a 19m old. My 19m old has always been super clingy to me. He’s also thrown tantrums when I tell him no (but doesn’t when dad or anyone else tells him no) which escalate QUICK for him to screaming and hitting/throwing things. I obviously have to split my time more now and have to make sure he doesn’t hit baby or hurt baby. How do I handle the tantrums? I’ve started taking him up to his crib to chill out for a few minutes but this doesn’t seem feasible when he has multiple multiple tantrums. How can I get him to start accepting no or at least not getting so upset. I know he’s still so young but there has to be a better way to get him to calm down/realize things are okay? Any advice is appreciated.

Curious to mommas who are or were pregnant twice, which pregnancy did you/ are you enjoying more? I have a 13 month old and am tentatively 4 weeks pregnant with #2 if it sticks. I am determined to enjoy this pregnancy more than my first. Including eating healthier, working out more, embracing the bump, maternity shoot, weekly bump pics.. all the things I didn’t do during pregnancy #1 due to loss anxiety

Did anyone enjoy all things pregnancy even more the second go around than their first? Or am I being delusional?

hi!! i’m a SAHM to my beautiful 8 month old baby boy. my husband and I have talked about maybe trying for another kid when he is around a year, maybe a year 1/2 old. (we’re planning a big move soon so we’ll see haha).

i’m sharing this here so i can possibly get some input or any thoughts & hear (or i guess read) other peoples stories. is there mom guilt? i’m so scared that my first baby will feel left out when tending to the other one. also, i guess i’m wondering how does one handle a toddler alone at home with a newborn, especially if having a c section?? (context: i had a c section with my first due to him being breech, and i’m planning for a VBAC but it may not be successful)..

let me know your stories!! lol.

I’m 3 months pregnant and 9 months postpartum… what did everyone wear in this in-between time?? I never did lose any of the “baby weight” from my first pregnancy (still breastfeeding), but I’m not really showing yet either. We just told our family this weekend, but aren’t telling the general public for a few more weeks. I want to look cute and feel comfortable but I am having the HARDEST time finding anything that fits those criteria and doesn’t scream “pregnant”. Would love any ideas!

I'm in my mid 30s, I had my two boys 15 months apart. Before I had kids, I was very baby faced. People always assumed I was younger than my age. I was fairly petite and got compliments on my appearance from women and men. I felt attractive.

Just three years later I feel everything is different. I've worked hard to lose my baby weight and I'm almost there. I now have more time to do my hair and makeup like I used to. But I just feel like I still look haggard and fat. Sometimes I look in the mirror and am happy with what I see, and I look back at old photos and think there's not much change. But people don't compliment me like they used to. I don't get the attention I used to. I am objectively always exhausted and I think it shows.

It makes me feel sad. I have so much else to offer and I know it's so shallow but I feel I look and am viewed completely differently since I've had my children. I'm constantly swinging back and forth between thinking I look good again vs I am old, overweight and unattractive. It shouldn't matter but I feel like I'm just a different person now.

Does anyone else relate to this?

Our first baby turns 3 months old on Wednesday.
I had a positive pregnancy test yesterday morning

We used condoms…except for the few times we didn’t. We knew all the things, breastfeeding isn’t birth control, you can get pregnant before a period, etc (and we both have graduate level education in healthcare, so we KNOW).
But we’re also 35/43 and knew we wanted them close together so when we’d “slip up” we’d think, “eh, what’s the worst case? We get pregnant again?” We were planning to start actually trying in January anyway.
I will say, I had GD, but no complications. I had a 39wk induction for a “big baby” who ended up only being 7.6lbs. I had a “barely” second degree tear with a few stitches and felt totally healed by 4 weeks (still waited for my 6wk visit for the record lol)

Our first has been a dream, at 3months he sleeps 10hrs a night (~9-7) and has 3-4 solid contact naps (7hrs total) each day. I do not expect to be this lucky with the next lol.

We’re also blessed to have a pretty good village. Both grandmas live within 20min, my mom can help a few hours a day if needed (though my dad has alz and will need more of her attention in time) and my MIL babysits for my SIL but could still help sometimes. I have a really good friend who’s a SAHM two doors down who is also always offering to help. And my husband is a great, supportive, proactive, involved dad/partner.

But now I’m panicking lol worried about things I hadn’t thought about before, etc. so I have some questions

1. did your doctor judge you when you went in? lol I’m expecting a lecture
2. were there things you did differently before the second birth that helped you be more prepared?
3. (We freezer meal prepped for the first one, and will do the same again)
4. any products that actually saved you?
5. (I started off breastfeeding but had DMER and it was hurting my mental health to nurse/pump so we switched to formula. Is the baby brezza worth it with two?)
6. what gear was essential?
7. I use a wrap carrier with little man already and love it, and we got the bugaboo kangaroo (converts to double) because we knew we’d have two close. We did not get an infant carrier with this one (straight to a rotating convertible). We’re thinking about getting a doona for ease of transporting too tinies at the same time (wear one, roll one) alone.

I’d love any other tips/tricks!!

I’m curious to hear - if you have a 2 year or almost 2 year age gap, did you find having the chaos of a 2 year old while being heavily pregnant or having a newborn more difficult?

I’m currently heavily pregnant with an almost 2 year old and oof 😅 But please give it to me straight!

For example I’m dealing with family that keeps commenting on my toddler who is 18 months , hair they keep telling me how to style it because it looks messy and unkept well the truth is I’m 4 weeks pp recovering from a complicated c section and I am tired so yes her hair isn’t so neat it’s washed and clean , yes my house is a mess , no I haven’t taken my toddler to her check up appointments yet I’m surviving as my husband works a lot I’m alone I just cried at remarks because it made me feel like such a bad mom like I’m neglecting my child but I know it’s not true I’m ebf I’m trying my best at time managing and no I can’t afford daycare .

Hi! I have a 20 month old and I’m due my next baby in September. I am looking for a good double pram as last time I just bought a travel system.
I am happy to use my car seat from the travel system unless it’s easier to buy a new car seat compatible with the pram.
I just need a good pram for when I’m out and about with both kids. I’m quite overwhelmed with the choice and selection there is online and it’s leaving me boggled!

I think I prefer a side by side rather than the stacked type of pram but I’m happy to go with whatever people are suggesting

I don’t tend to walk places a lot as I’m out of town so do require a car so something that’s easy to get in and out of the car easily, I think I’d only need to walk distances if I’m going on a day trip or just a walk to get out for a bit.

I don’t really like the idea of getting somewhere and if the baby is asleep in the car, waking her up to pop her in the pram which is why I’m also happy to maybe buy a new car seat that clips into the pram frame.

I’m not too fussy on style just need something practical and affordable. I’m in the UK
Thank you!

Currently 6M pp and found out I’m pregnant again. My husband and I planned for all of our kids to be close in age. Last month we tried and were negative and I was honestly disappointed. I tested this month and found out I’m pregnant again and now suddenly feeling anxious. We have an almost 7M old and she’s an angel. She just started sleeping 12h from 7-7 and genuinely the best sweetest funniest girl. I’m just anxious because I don’t have a village and neither does my husband. I’m SAHM and I struggled a little with my first just the shock of being a young mom with a working dad and no village. I got the hang of it and it got better and I love being a mom. Genuinely would never want a career or anything besides motherhood. Just the normal struggles of motherhood. I love serving our home and my husband and my daughter. But now I’m nervous for 2 under 2. I think our age gap will be 14 months. Haven’t seen a doctor yet but just wanna hear other peoples experiences. I have read new parents thread and it’s honestly depressing and so negative and doesn’t resonate with me which also makes me feel like maybe these comments won’t help me. I think a lot of people regret parenthood or resent it which I never would. It’s the best thing that happened to me. For context I’m 23 with a husband in law enforcement and no family or help nearby. Would love to hear about your experiences.

Hi moms and dads of 2under2! I will be your newest member March 2027 🫣😂 I found out as of yesterday we are expecting baby #2. I was super happy and excited but now having a full day and night to process it I’m thinking oh sh*t. It will be a 19 month age gap between kiddos which I know will be awesome for them to grow up so close together but I’m so scared to have a newborn and a toddler. I NEVER expected this to happen and my partner and I have always said we’d wait at least a couple of years between babies so this is quite a big shock. (Birth control fail) I know in my heart it is meant to be but I can’t help but feel very stressed. We’ll need a new car, but will we need a double pram? I recently gave away so much baby stuff as I thought we wouldn’t be needing it for another couple of years 😭 I don’t really know what I’m asking here - I guess for someone to tell me it’s gonna be okay and that it’s all worth it??

Okay so first baby is 13 months now. It’ll be a 19ish month age gap between him and baby boy 2.. And everyone who is now finding out, like friends etc, are like “omg you’re so brave! I could never, I want to give my first undivided attention”

First of all, this is obviously not planned so why say that to me. And secondly, does my second not deserve the same undivided attention? Why do first borns need undivided attention for a few years and the second always shares it with the first and that’s ok? I’m a second born. I’m fine.

Maybe it’s guilt, maybe it’s anxiety but these comments piss me off so much. I think having a baby will be good for my first, he loooooves playing with other kids, he thrives on play dates. Maybe, just maybe, this could be good for him? Idk. Do kids really need undivided attention for a few years, am I messing him up? I do feel so bad because during my first trimester I have insaaaaane nausea and fatigue. I’m not the mom I used to be. Dad is taking on a lot. I’m just surviving.

This is really just a rant and it’s clear I have a lot of guilty so..yeah

I’m 7 weeks pregnant and this pregnancy has been so much harder than my first. With my first hardly ever had nausea and my energy was soooo much higher.

I see why they say “no two pregnancies are the same”, because man let me tell you, I’m exhausted. I’m more nauseous than I’ve ever been and I have ZERO energy. I can’t keep up with the laundry or dishes, I go a couple days without a shower, some days I don’t brush my teeth- it’s bad. I haven’t thrown up but the nausea alone is miserable. I’m so nervous to continue this pregnancy, does this mean my pregnancy will be horrible the whole time? I am also black and worry if I’m going to have preeclampsia with how I’ve been feeling. I feel like a lot of this is anxiety but it’s really hard right now. I do have a husband and he helps but not as much as I wish he would. My toddler has been watching more tv than he has in his whole life and that alone makes me feel so guilty. Any advice?

I do have zofran, unisom, & b6

My period has been late four days and I took a test. The test was from Dollar General but was an immediate dye stealer. My concern is I didn’t handle the early postpartum period well with my boy (7.8 months). They will be about 17 months apart. Advice?

For context, while I don’t necessarily recommend getting pregnant before healing, if you are expecting a close age gap I’m here to share some insight on my personal experience!

I have a 12.5 month age gap between my babies(not technically Irish twins, blah, blah, whatever close enough). I’m now 2 months in and It’s been so much better than the nightmare I was expecting.

To start, my entire pregnancy my first baby wasn’t doing much. She would just hang out in bed while I felt sick and was perfectly content playing with toys next to me. No chasing a toddler!

We didn’t find out the gender but knew we already had all the baby stuff we would need out and ready to go. We did buy a few gender neutral outfits just in case.

My first started walking and sleeping through the night by the time she was a year. Absolute game changer! She could now walk inside by herself and I had extra free hands (that I knew would carry a car seat soon)!

When we left for little brother to be born, our first just followed her routine like nothing happened and we hadn’t even left. We came home the next day and she was excited to see us.

She forgets her brother exists 90% of the time. There’s no jealousy, toy taking, or wanting to be held constantly. All she wants to do is explore her ✨new independence✨. She was old enough to play by herself for 20 minutes while I fed/took care of brother. When she does remember he’s there, she lays by him, rubs his belly, and holds his tiny hand. I’ll put an emphasis on !! Teach your oldest to be gentle BEFORE baby arrives !! It makes the transition so much smoother.

She’s just getting old enough to help with some things: Throwing diapers away after changing brother, helping hold his bottle, talking and smiling at him, and helping close doors behind me when my hands are full. It’s the BEST!

They’re both still so small so I can hold them at the same time 🥹 brother in carrier, sister on my hip.

By the time we start really potty training her, little brother will be old enough to crawl/play by himself in a play yard.

We’ll do the same things with them: play places, library story time, toys are age appropriate for both. They nap at the same time so I get two breaks a day to catch up or rest.

So yes, while it wasn’t in the plan, I wouldn’t change it and couldn’t imagine any age gap being better! There’s definitely moments where they cry at the same time, days that feel harder than others. But I think that’s just being a parent 😆. I look at my 14 month old and really soak in the little moments of having a newborn because I know how fast it goes. Don’t let people scare you from the greatest moments of your life! You 100% got this! ❤️

My first baby is a joy - quiet, calm, sweet, fun-loving. After I got pregnant with my second a relative said,"get ready, out of any two siblings one is always the high-maintenance, difficult child." I see a lot of posts on this subreddit saying that one of their children is so sweet and the other is unexpectedly a handful - eg, temper tantrums, doesn't sleep, whiny, etc. Do you think of this angel baby / demon baby theory? Does anyone have two kids who are lovely?

Hi! I have a 23 month old that’s one week into potty training and is doing excellent. However my problem is that she won’t say he has to go, she just takes initiative and goes to the potty and if I don’t catch her immediately she’ll pee on through her shorts and underwear.

I have a newborn so my hands are full a lot of the time. How does it work for everyone?