r/2under2

Toddler is almost 2, baby is 2 months old... I'm very lucky to have childcare for my toddler most of the week but whenever I have to take care of both of them at the same time, I feel so much guilt at not being able to give my all to either of them.

I know they will be OK but it breaks my heart that sometimes baby will miss a nap because I have to take care of my toddler's lunch and bedtime routine... Or when I can tell my toddler would need more attention and exercise, but I have to let him play alone or watch a bit of TV while I nurse his sister.

I am counting the days until baby needs less of my attention, and they can interact more...

How do others do it? How do you cope with these feelings?

Just trying to see what others think — how often do you and your partner get intimate with 2 under 2? My husband thinks once a week isn’t enough, however I’m so touched out by the end of the day as a SAHM that it’s honestly the last thing on my mind.

For anyone wondering how hard it will be, I think 22 months was actually a great gap. My eldest is about to turn 3 and has never been so difficult. Incredibly difficult. And I mean, for the first 18 months of his life we had to walk him to sleep (while holding him in our arms) for hours daily. For the first year of his life naps had to be contact or the walking around holding him. He didn't play independently for even a minute until he was 2.75 lol. And I ADORE him, all of that was part of the ride, I loved every minute you know but right now he is testing us constantly and lashing out at his sister.

The thought of bringing home a newborn at this age is horrifying. Outright terrifying. Meanwhile I've always heard the three year gap is perfect... Who knows, maybe an only child until 3 would be a different outcome and maybe it does go well but based on my current experience of an almost three year old, all I can say is I will actively avoid ever having a 3 year gap.

I think 1.5-2.5 years is all I will ever try for. We're on the fence about the third (well my husband is) so if it doesn't happen and my youngest is 2 or so I think we'll just stop at the 2.

Just brought baby home from the hospital to meet brother (22 months old) and it was all going smoothly until baby started crying during a diaper change-totally freaked my toddler out and he started bawling. Finally I got my toddler to calm down and baby was crying for food I think so I started nursing baby but toddler was still nursing before baby was born so then the sight of new baby nursing made him SO sad and he’s crying so hard again. I ended up nursing both of them (which I’m totally fine with) in the first 15 min of them meeting. I’m so overwhelmed….does it get better? When??

I’m a SAHM and don’t wanna be inside all the time but it’s starting to get sooooo hot. I’m nervous to take both kids to the pool alone since neither knows how to swim. Bad idea right? Wait for dad to get home? Find something else to do? 😂

UPDATE: thank you all for the ideas! We are in a condo with a small balcony, so I think I’m gonna get a water table! This is better anyways so I can take 22mos out there while 6mos naps! They’re officially down to 1 and 2 naps so I’m basically chained to my house now hahahaha

Has anyone traveled somewhere hot with a newborn and a 15month old? Currently thinking about going on vacation to Puerto rico but with a 6 week old and a 15 month old

My kids are 16 months apart. Currently 25 months and 9 months using Uppababy vista v2 double stroller but it’s very heavy and clunky…: any other suggestions for lugging them around as they get a bit older? I see a lot of ppl with fold up wagons and not sure if that’s more feasible for outings like grocery runs, malls, vacation, etc….

Looking for something that won’t break the bank, doesn’t take up too much space, and convenient. Thanks!

I ask myself this question every single day and am curious to hear responses. We graduated from 2u2 at the end of last year and have a 21 month age gap. I love my kids more than words could explain but this is the hardest thing I have ever done and can’t understand why. Is 2 under 3 just as hard? Is it the constant naps? Is it 2 in diapers? WHAT IS IT?!!!

Okay, how do I get myself and little ones out of the house? I want to, and I make plans, but whenever it comes time to leave, my 2 month old is falling asleep. By the time he wakes, the 22 month old is taking his nap. Is it worth it to put the baby in the car and deal with any tired fussing for the drive then get him asleep once we get there? I'm starting to go stir crazy being at home 24/7 and not being out and about at all.

I’m using the no advice needed tag because I don’t want advice regarding my children’s father. I am aware of the problems and that this is not an ideal situation. I do want advice on how to do 2 under 2 as a single mom.

My daughter will be 8 months on Friday. I found out Saturday that I’m pregnant. I’m about a month along. My second baby is due late January. My children’s father and I haven’t been in the best place, but we care about each other, or at least I thought we did. He keeps saying I’m selfish and ruining everyone’s lives and if I won’t terminate, he won’t be having any involvement with our second child and will be gone.

I will do what I have to in order to try to make this work on my own, but I don’t know how to right now. I’m scared. I don’t have family support. I do have some other support. But I want my children’s father to stop being horrible and to not walk out on his family. He has his issues but he always wanted children and to have an actual family. This isn’t like him.

I have family help through this week and then will be solo for the majority of the day. No daycare. Husband is very involved but not home til the evening. The toddler is used to going outside or to the park in the morning and idk how I’m going to do that solo with him and the newborn. Toddler loves to climb and still needs close monitoring at the park so I’m normally up on all the equipment with him.

Looking for advice on taking both kids out solo as well as ways to entertain toddler during the day at home.

Currently 8 weeks into 2u2 and feel like I’m failing both my daughters. We live in an 1100 sq ft condo with me, my husband, 2 girls, and our dog. There is only so much we can do to entertain my 1st who is 16 months old, because we really limit screen time. I feel like she’s bored and unhappy. We go out for walks a lot, library story time, toddler play group at the rec center, and visit family, but at home we have limited space. She loves reading books and playing with the toys she does have, and i try to do coloring and activities with her. She is super into throwing tantrums now and has INSANE stranger danger everywhere we go and needs a lot of time to adjust. She never warms up to “unfamiliar” adults engaging her and it concerns me a bit.

At the same time, I feel like I can’t spend any real time with my 8-week-old. We do tummy time, play mat time, and try to do eye tracking… but it still doesn’t feel like enough. I feel like I can never keep up with stuff around the house and to-dos keep piling up. We have a small village but it still isn’t enough help to make a huge difference despite how wonderful that village is. I have a digital calendar that I just got for Mother’s Day that’s helping a bit, but I just constantly feel like I have none of my shit together and I’m drowning.

Is this normal? I feel like I genuinely shouldn’t have had kids and I’m failing them both. Worst part is, husband is still on paternity leave and we are still finding this THIS hard. I’m screwed when he goes back to work. I’m also grieving my mom who died at 63 last year unexpectedly so I think it really compounds how much worse I feel. I just feel like I am not cut out for this and have none of my sh** together.

I have an 18 month old toddler currently in daycare full time and baby number 2 is due mid June. I feel that it will be much easier to take care of a newborn if the other child attends daycare but also feel bad leaving her at daycare if I am home. Husband is taking 2 months off work to help out but he is away a lot for work when he goes back. The wait list for daycare is very long in my area so I would also not want to pull her out of daycare and not have a place for her to go back to when I return to work next year.

For those who have or have had a newborn and toddler at home, what was your experience with having a toddler in daycare while raising a newborn? What about those parents who had their toddler stay home all day with a newborn? I know everyone's situation is different but in general I am trying to see things from both perspectives, thanks!!

How tf does anyone go to the grocery store with 2 baby-toddlers? It gets harder the older my youngest gets. The stores we go to only have one of those car carts with seats for two kids. It’s never available. My 11-month old is pretty big for the chest carrier, 22lbs and tall. My 27-month old is wild and not able to walk in the store by herself.

I took them today and it was chaos. The baby was in the child seat in the cart. My toddler was in the basket of the cart. My toddler was throwing most things out of the basket, opened the mushrooms and was de-stemming them, opened a few boxes. Wtf. Any magic tricks I haven’t thought of?

My son will be 21 months when my second is born, and I’m struggling with what stroller setup makes the most sense for us. A few things to consider if you’re able to help me out:

1. We have a hand-me-down UPPAbaby Vista with all the “second kid” attachments and bassinet. I hate this stroller with two kids, though (find it hard to push).

2. We need to buy baby 2 a car seat, since our previous infant seat (hand me down UPPAbaby Mesa) expired. I liked being able to bring my firstborn’s seat into places, but he grew out of it quick (3.5 months) and obviously I’ll have a toddler now too.

4. We also have a single jogging stroller and single travel stroller. The jogging stroller (UPPAbaby Ridge) is key for sandy terrain and we use it for neighborhood walks.

6. Double stroller vs. wagon is throwing me. Ideally I’d want something for errands and something for walks/beach sand. Wagon seems great for the beach. Assuming there’s no “do it all” option.

Do I suck it up and use the UPPAbaby vista (bassinet & rumble seat) until baby 2 has head control, and then switch to a side-by-side double stroller or wagon? Or babywear and use one of our single strollers?

Does everyone just have 5+ strollers? Helppppp!

I’m a SAHM and i do all the cooking. And dishwashing. There is no way that’s happening pp. We’re having our 3rd baby in August with no family around for the weeks following giving birth. My mon will come for a visit but she’s a horrible cook and my MIL doesn’t like to cook.

First baby we ate mostly uber eats and doordash, but that’s not ideal as it gets real expensive.

Second baby we had a private chef but that was a job in itself. I had to order all the groceries, pick all the meals, schedule grocery pickup and delivery and payment each week. And then if there are leftovers i had to coordinate storing things before they went bad etc. We also had several aupairs over the first year of his life and none of them cooked so often times i would end up cooking for them too, which i normally don’t mind but postpartum is just a lot.

It’s just so much easier to have the perfect amount of what you need. We have also used Factor before and my husband doesn’t want that. Plus my 3yo and 1yo are varying degrees of picky eaters so i am not sure how to prep for that. Any other ideas on how i can make sure everyone is fed while recovering myself?

My toddler just turned 2 last month & baby is 6 months old, both girls.

My toddler loves her baby sister, she just so badly wants to be able to play with her. It’s rarely ever smacking, it’s more constant cuddling and rubbing her face over her but very roughly. With the cuddles she will try and lay right on top of her, she bonks their heads together trying to kiss the baby, squishing while laughing and saying “oooh so cute” just general rough loving. my baby is starting to cry anytime my toddler comes near her and it’s making me sad.

My toddler is quite good at communicating so I’ve tried talking to her, showing her how to play gently, given her soft toys to play with her sister. I have to take my toddler with me every time I leave the room because even if I put my baby in a swing or the playpen, my toddler is climbing the swing and laying on top of her or throwing toys in the playpen or trying to climb it

Is this just a phase I’ll have to deal with until my baby is a bit bigger and can handle a bit of a rougher play time?

He wakes up as soon as the sun rises. 6am. I usually change his diaper and lay back down for another hour. He doesn’t cry he just whines and yells on and off until I eventually get up. Is this bad for him developmentally? Does anyone else do this? So I don’t feel as bad. I am just so tired can barely function I need just one more hour 😓 (10mo)

Ok I know I’m not 2under2 anymore (I have a 7mo and 26mo) buttttt I need to know what other people’s schedules are?? I thought it wouldn’t be this chaotic still but man am I wrong I feel like we have a light schedule but every day I’m just rushing things and trying to balance chores and making food/cleaning up and playing with my kids. I stay up until like 11pm so I have enough time to work out and then my daughter wakes up to feed like once or twice a night. Probably feeling chaotic cause of the lack of sleep. But if you’re a SAHM with similar ages what are you guys doing and how are you surviving mom guilt