Protect your peace
So many years I’ve suffered from narcissistic abuse and was able to catch onto it quickly when I started picking up books on gaslighting, narcissistic types, manipulation etc etc. Majority of my life I’ve been so fucked up dawg it’s hard to even put it into words how I feel. Before I get ahead of myself I just want to say whoever has gone through or is still going through narcissistic people in your life, please try your best to get out of that toxic environment. Because I know exactly how you feel. A narcissistic person knows they’re a narcissist and what they’re doing is wrong. but whenever you call them out on their bullshit they will completely deny it and gaslight you and will make you doubt your reality or perception on things to keep you off balance. They love chaos, drama and attention, always trust your gut because it’s basically rage bait. Nothing is more powerful than giving them (the grey rock effect) no matter how hard they push your buttons. Please please live your life however the fuck you want, but don’t put up with these types of people and never fucking look back, because it can damage your well being and make you feel like you’re not good enough for anyone or a burden to everyone around you. I have experienced all types of manipulation, gaslighting, future faking, story twisting and exploitation etc etc. I could never be like my father and mentally abuse my kids and make them feel like they’re not worth shit in the world…that’s sick as fuck. I am basically the scapegoat of my dad’s side pretty much cause I was the first born. But I still have some healing to do. It’s embarrassing to live inside of cycles of repeated let down and disappointment, but I was blind to the shit at the time…now I’m able to see through the smokescreen and his bullshit ass antics. I’ve come to the acceptance that this nigga will never change, after you come to that conclusion that’s your ticket that sets you free. I don’t let any of that bullshit get to me anymore, because I got my life to live regardless of all the shit my father put me through. It takes years to recover from this shit, I know it can be hard trying to keep your composure in when dealing with these types of mfs, but self control is key. I wouldn’t wish this shit on my worst fucking enemy. If it’s a parent, co worker, family etc etc, anyone can have narcissistic in their vicinity or even traits but that doesn’t mean you’re a full on narcissist. It takes a strong person who actually wants to make a change to themselves and become vulnerable while being authentic, and takes the time to analyze there selves, reflect…and to not be a fucking dick head to others (especially they’re children). A narcissist will future fake, use you as leverage, make up bullshit stories and twist it, distort your reality by saying things like “you’re to sensitive”, “you raised me” (if it’s coming from a parent), “I’m sorry you feel that way” (you can literally research this shit). They’ll try to make you lash out and upset then make it seem like you’re the crazy one while playing victim. The objective is to not give them any type of attention or validation and remain emotional less or stay unresponsive, because they hate seeing other people happy…but when they do engage just give them dry ass responses and leave it at that. Now I don’t want to make this sound like a trauma dump, I want this message to resonate with whoever had an encounter with a narcissist. They’ll lie, play dumb and butter you all up to pacify and disarm you just so you can let your guard down to suck you back into their little game (which is rigged). You can’t ever win against a narcissist, my father is a communal narcissist if you don’t know what that is, it’s basically where they get validation and admiration from doing “good deeds” from indulging in charity events, to churches and helping others to feed their ego basically trying to make themselves look good (while hiding behind religion)… but behind closed doors there’s something more sinister at work. I’ve been let down and disappointed so many times in the past by my father I don’t feel shit for him or feel any type of emotional connection towards him anymore. it cuts deep when one of your parents is a fucking narcissist. I’ve dealt with his shit so many times it’s mentally exhausting, but I’m fully aware of what he’s trying to do. I’m not saying you have to feel bad for me or feel any type of sympathy towards me. I wrote this because I want people to be more people aware of others and what their intentions are. Now that I look back at it I wish I could’ve known sooner. I feel like a fuckin dumbass because I didn’t find this shit out sooner…It took me 25 fucking years to figure out what type of family system I was dealing with. This is some bullshit I didn’t even fucking ask for. If you’re dealing with a narcissist please cut them off quick as fuck to protect your peace, don’t even engage with them. Parents are supposed to be someone you lean on and seek clarity from and learn from not a psychological battlefield.