u/Crawly49

I wanna know if any of you show some whimsy and wear bolos too.

I (22m) don't quite know where to begin with this. Heck I don't even know what the title should actually be because my thoughts are everywhere on this.

It's honestly sad how I never realized how she had affected me over time, going from hanging out with friends and family every other day to not even seeing my own parents for months at a time. And I think I would have blissfully stayed in that hell if it wasn't for her own self inflicted misery.

My Ex-fiancée (21f) has always had attachment issues, her mother passed away when she was very little and her father was a man whore in the military leaving her with a new mom (that he would cheat on) Everytime he got deployed. So you can imagine why she turned out how she did. Even now I'm still justifying why she emotionally abused me.

Now typical complaining time.

Throughout our entire 3 1/2 year long relationship there were always signs, big signs that I choose to ignore. During family events she would hide in a separate room to cry knowing I'd spend time with her to calm her down, or that I'd skip or show up late to plans with friends because once again she would cry to keep my attention drawn to her, or she would refuse to eat because I'd sit with her while she cried trying to cook several dishes that she might want.

She always had to have **my** attention. I couldn't direct my attention to anyone else, and no one else could direct their attention to me. This would also extend to my cat. She would get angry and yell at my precious Toastada when she would show affection towards me and vice versa. My poor cat doesn't even lay with me anymore because of what she was doing.

This past year it has also seemed like she had started punishing me for daring to leave the house and spend it with others. For my friends 21st birthday I went out with her and her friends to drink at her first bar, I had stayed later with her because she got blackout drunk and I didn't want anything happening to her while her friends disappeared. I texted my fiancee the details (she was at home as she wasn't 21 yet) and she started to cut herself to force me to leave.

Back march my mother got diagnosed with ocular melanoma in her eyes. I honestly didn't tell my fiancee for a couple days not because I was depressed or upset that my mother had cancer and potentially was going to lose her vision and possibly send my whole family into financial ruin leaving me to take care of bills and my younger siblings because I really definitely was not stressed about that and still get kept up late every night thinking about. But because I was terrified of telling her I was going to take a single day trip with my family to spend time with my mother. You can also guess what happened when the day of the trip arrived. I came home and she immediately started crying about how I was spending more time with my family, and how she won't get to spend as much time with her during the weekend (We left on a Friday)

In April when it finally came time for my mother's surgery and radiation treatments I took a whole week off to cook meals for my family and to give my mom some company while she was bedridden and couldn't use her eyes. It probably was the worst week of my life. Every night I came home to my fiancee it was just crying for hours about how much I hated her and didn't want to spend time with her, and how she felt unloved because I was treating others like how I would treat her.

It made me start to believe that she couldn't comprehend the differences between familial/platonic love and romantic/sexual love. She was jealous of me loving my cat, she was jealous whenever I took care of my younger sister, she hated all of my female friends. She was infuriated by every single regular at the café I manage especially when they would talk about how well I treated them and how lucky of a girl she was when she visited.

None of this is even touching the daily physical and verbal abuse id endure, sad to say I'm not even upset or phased by that. I'm just so hurt and upset with the amount of time I lost with friends and family especially during very hard times in everyone's lifes.

I still feel incredibly guilty for breaking up with her. Maybe I'm just not patient enough for her, or should I not feel bad for basically ruining her whole life by breaking up and kicking her to the streets. She doesn't make enough to live on her own and im basically giving her $1000 to find another place.

I just dont know, I'm too hurt to think about this properly. Heck maybe she finally did brainwash me into thinking how she wanted me to.

This is also all a jumbled mess. NyQuil is giving me the shakes.