u/Crazy-Appearance6837

I have an offer from the University of Manchester to study Physics, but I have to go into a foundation year because my grades don't meet the standard for direct entry. I got ABB. My parents and I are not citizens of the UK, and we have lived in the UK for nearly 5 years. I have practically grown up here in terms of my mental development and the way I have matured as a person. Because of that, we were thinking of pursuing home fee status, even though we know it won't be easy and there is no guarantee that I would actually qualify. However, my parents want me to go into Clearing and find a university closer to home instead. Their main argument is that they see a foundation year, and even something like a gap year, as being for people who are dumb and have no future. I have tried to convince them that this isn't necessarily true, and that taking a foundation year does not mean that someone is unintelligent or incapable of succeeding. In my case, it would be a route into a degree that I genuinely want to study at a university that I actually want to attend. Even if I manage to convince them to let me go to Manchester, there is another major problem which is the fees. My parents simply cannot manage the cost if I am charged international fees, especially because they already have to pay for visas for the whole family as well as all of our other living expenses like mortgage and other costs. So they were thinking that perhaps if I went through Clearing and found a course at a university closer to home, I might have a better chance of getting home fee status with no need to pay for accommodation and other things. That would also potentially reduce the amount of time I have to spend at university compared with doing a foundation year first.

I understand why my parents are thinking this way financially but for me it isnt as simple as me saying, "I want to go to Manchester," because there is a very real possibility that the cost would be too much for my family. I also wanted to use this opportunity to figure my self out as an individual. My family is quite toxic and very family-centred and most of my life has been decided by them. I am not really given much independence. I am not allowed to go out, I don't have friends, I am not allowed to have social media, and I don't even have a phone lol, despite being 18. I use my laptop required for school work to sneak to go online. I have spent a huge part of my life living according to what my family thinks is best for me rather than having much opportunity to figure out what I actually want for myself. Because of that university was not just about getting a degree for me. going away to university was also a chance to finally gain some freedom and independence. I wanted the opportunity to live somewhere away from my family, meet people, make friends, experience things for myself, and figure out who I am as a person outside of my family. I feel like I have grown up mentally in the UK but at the same time I havent really had the independence that normally comes with growing up. I dont necessarily want to escape my family forever but I desperately want the opportunity to experience life without having every decision made around what my family wants.

But now I feel completely stuck because the financial situation makes everything much more complicated.

On one hand, I have an offer from the University of Manchester to study Physics, which is something I actually want to do, and going there would give me the independence and freedom that I have been hoping for but on the other hand my parents are worried about money and visas, and I understand why they don't want to take a huge financial risk. They think that going through Clearing and finding a university closer to home could be the more sensible option, especially if it means I could potentially qualify for home fees and spend less time at university overall.

I don't know whether I am being unrealistic or selfish for wanting to go to Manchester despite the financial difficulties. At the same time, I don't know whether I would regret choosing a university closer to home simply because it is the safer and cheaper option, especially if I end up remaining under the same level of control that I have experienced throughout my life.

So right now I feel stuck between what makes financial sense for my family, what my parents think is best for my future, what I actually want to study, and what I feel like I need personally in order to finally become independent and figure myself out.

I genuinely don't know what to do.

TL;DR:
I got ABB and have a Physics offer from Manchester, but I need a foundation year. My family can't easily afford international fees, so my parents want me to use Clearing and stay closer to home, ideally somewhere I could get home fees. The problem is that my family is very controlling, and I've had basically no independence despite being 18. Going to Manchester would be my chance to finally live independently, make friends, and figure out who I am outside my family.

Assalamu alaikum everyone.

I have been struggling with something that happened today, and I would really appreciate an Islamic perspective. Please be honest, but also fair. For context I am 18 so I am not all learned about this. I know you are only hearing my side, so I am trying to present the situation as accurately as I can. Earlier today, my parents came home from work. My dad noticed that the floor in front of the kitchen was dirty and asked me to sweep it. I have really poor eyesight without my glasses, so I went to my room to look for them first. It took me a while because I could not find them.

While I was still looking, my mum called me and asked why I had not prepared the food. She said that a good child would have had it ready before they got home. I replied, "I'm sorry. I thought my sister was preparing it. I was looking for my glasses." She responded sarcastically with "Pele o" (Yoruba for "sorry"). I then replied, "I wasn't asking for an apology. I was just explaining why it took me so long." After she walked away, I asked my dad if I could take over from him. Suddenly, my mum came back, extremely angry. She accused me of talking back to her in a condescending way and immediately started hitting me with her hands and with her phone, scratching my face as she struck me. To stop the blows, I grabbed her wrist tightly and knocked the phone out of her hand because she was using it to hit me. As soon as the phone fell, she started shouting that I had hit her.

After that, the situation escalated. She pulled my hair, punched me, hit me with a hot spoon, and looked for other objects to hit me with until my dad eventually stepped in and physically held her back.

Later, my dad called a family meeting. He said I was no longer his child, that I was cursed in the eyes of Allah, called me a prodigal child, and told my siblings that I was manipulative and a bad influence. He also reminded me of the Islamic obligation to respect parents and told a story about Pharaoh being cursed by his mother.

I am not asking whether I handled everything perfectly. Maybe my tone came across differently than I intended. If I spoke disrespectfully, I sincerely ask Allah to forgive me.

What I am struggling with is this:

Was I sinful for grabbing my mum's wrist and knocking the phone away to stop myself from being hit? Does that count as striking a parent?

More importantly, is there anything in Islam that would support my dad's statement that I am cursed in the eyes of Allah because of what happened?

Please answer according to the Qur'an and authentic Sunnah if possible. I genuinely want to know whether I have done something that would make Allah angry with me or whether defending myself in that moment is viewed differently in Islam.

Jazakum Allahu khayran.

I also want to add that this is not the first time something like this has happened. Arguments at home have sometimes involved me being hit and being called hurtful names such as "useless" or "disposable" I am . They often focus on my mistakes or perceived disrespect while dismissing or justifying their own actions, even when there are reasonable arguments against them. Because of that, I genuinely struggle to know whether I am seeing the situation clearly or whether I am the one in the wrong. That is one of the main reasons I am asking this question. I genuinely want to know, from an Islamic perspective, whether my actions in this specific situation were sinful and whether there is any basis for believing that I have incurred Allah's wrath. Because when my dad told me I was cursed in the eyes of Allah, it genuinely terrified me.