Hi everyone, I'm a 25yo male and I'm kinda going through a phase of my life in which things are changing. English is not my first language and I will try my best to write everything with the correct grammar and I'll do my best in expressing what I'm feeling now. I hope to read some comments about personal experiences and opinions.
I've been experiencing some losses trough the last 3 years with the last one being my cat. I never had a relationship with someone, I kinda had something with a girl but it was long distance and to keep it short, in the end I was being used by Her for financial stability. Once she admitted that there was nothing between us, I helped Her for some time to get out of Her situation and then I cut the bridges with Her once She was financially stable. So for once in my life I've managed to end something I guess.
Either way, I can't stress how much it's embarrassing to say, but shortly after my cat passed away I've been experiencing a strong and unvanishing wish to have someone to look after and to cuddle with especially at night.
I've also took some time to try to learn more about me and I came to the conclusion that I have too many issues both mentally and physically (I'm trying to improve on what I can when I can, but I know that I will never be an acceptable person) to have a stable partner and it would just be better to not even try.
That girl I talked about before, is and will be the only exception I've made because She was stubborn at the time and I gave in, but I don't wanna experience anything similar ever again.
I've stopped seeing my friends for about an year too except for some occasions since I am really feeling like I could have a breakdown in any possible moment.
All of this text just to ask, will this feeling for someone ever go away? I've always thought that we, as humans, where capable of understanding our emotions and feelings and that we could control them in every situation with enough time and training. Thing is, it's been months. I can't kill this need, I feel a pain in my chest and I can't make it stop. It's becoming unbearable and I don't know what to do. I'm buying a car now and sometimes I feel a bit better because I remember that it's arriving and it's the only thing that breaks the cycle of that awful desire.
It is becoming hard to work too with this feeling in the chest, it distracts me and it makes me slow. But I need to work to keep paying for the car so I need a way to make this stop.
Will it go away with aging? Is there someone that went through this that has a solution?
I can't take another animal for company because I honestly can't go through losing another one.
I know all of this hasn't a normal logic but since I'm not looking for approval of what I am doing I just hope that it will still be understandable.
Thank You for reading this far, I hope You will have a nice day.