u/CrazyCelt7

My partner and I have been together for 26 years. Dday was on February 8th, Super Bowl Sunday. I discovered he had been cheating with a girl from Onlyfans since August. There was months and months of graphic sexting but what hurt even more was he was sharing things about his life with her, appointments he had, medical issues, etc. He would talk about his "sister" and some of the things his sister had done for him were actually what I had been doing for him. He is disabled due to physical health issues and needs my assistance often. On top of this I discovered he had spent well over $15000 on OF. He is on disabilty and only earns about $23000/year. I struggle to keep us afloat working full time for a non-profit. When I conforted him he first denied that it was cheating but quickly agreed it was then claimed he "never orgasmed to her." He had had issues with ED for years. I have since learned he has orgasmed to her and other porn because he was purchasing Blue Chew, but could still only obtain a partial erection. He swore he deleted the app and his account. I discovered he was back on in 2 days and was on it for 6 weeks when he messaged her that he was leavjng OF but if she wanted to continue to talk he would check back in a week and give her an email address. During that 6 weeks he spent and additional $2444. Midway through this I had installed an app on his phone to see what he was doing so I knew he was lying. I ended up telling him I knew he was talking with her and about checking back in a week. He claimed he just said that to not make her feel badly and wasnt going to. He didn't go back on but I'm sure it was because I told him I knew. He doesn't know I have anything on his phone and thinks I found it on his phone when he forgot to log out. Since then he has not been back on but has been watching porn, the search is always teens masturbating. I saw him doing it on a camera that he doesn't know is in the bedroom, I confornted him telling him I had come home early and saw him and left without saying anything. He had been good for 2 weeks but today was sewrching porn again and masturbating. I took my lunch and drove home so I could walk in on him. He threw a blanket over himself, I just looked at him and left. He has been texting saying he was doing kegels so he could get an erection for me. He even went so far as to search kegel erections for men, mind you this was after he texted that's what he was doing. The photos he had on his phone were cropped to a persons crotch area in a bikini. I thought I recognized them and searched only to discover they were of our friends daughter from her FB page. She is now 28 but I have had an odd feeling for years about his feelings towards her. I did confornt him once and he was "so hurt and angry that I would say something like that." I have been so disgusted with him since the intial dday but also so unsure what to do. He says the porn is an addiction. He is a recovering alcoholic, sober 15 years, so he does have an addiction history. Not that an addiction is an excuse. We are in a lease until February but I pay the rent. I know in my mind I need to end it but it's so hard. It's like he is 2 different people. I'm 56 and have no family left, he is it. That also makes it harder because I'll be alone. I know I would be better without someone like him but that os easier said than done. I feel so disgusting myself, I'll never look like these skinny young girls in bikinis. I am so down on myself now and can only see my flaws. I want to tell him I know he's lying about today but don't know if I should show him that I can see what he does on his phone. I don't want to because then he'll be sneakier but how else can I tell him I know what he was looking at? I guess I just need to tell someone and ask for advice. How do I tell him I know he's lying and about the pictures without letting on about having installed something on his phone? Also I know I should leave but at my age and being alone how?