u/CrazySeesaw2161

I posted a question on this Reddit yesterday, but I want to ask again, this time summarizing everything and getting straight to the point.
To put it briefly, I’m turning 25 in December. I currently weigh 120 kg, I’m 1.78 m tall, and I’m also experiencing hair loss that has already progressed quite a bit.
I’m also living in my parents’ living room, so I have basically no privacy. If I want to study or learn something, it’s extremely difficult. And studying somewhere outside isn’t really an option either, because the reading rooms or university libraries are either closed or have irregular opening hours that don’t work for me.

I recently found a full-time job, so at least I’m working and earning my own money now. But I honestly don’t know what else I’m supposed to do.
I’m living in the living room, and I can’t really study or do much of anything there. I go to the gym, and that’s pretty much it. Other than that, I’m on my phone or playing Minecraft.
Honestly, I don’t know what to do with myself. What would David Goggins do? I have no idea.
What am I supposed to do on the weekends? Read a book? Sure, I can do that, but spend the entire day just reading? I don’t know.

I feel like I’ve completely lost my direction. I’ve lost all my goals. I’ve dropped out of four different degree programs, and I’m just completely lost at this point.
I also can’t move out of my parents’ house right now because I don’t have enough money.
So my question is: What productive things could I do while living in my parents’ living room?
I genuinely have no idea.

I don’t really know how to describe it exactly, but somehow it feels like I’m stuck in a vicious cycle, or like I’m trapped in a puddle of mud that I can’t get out of.
The thing is, a few months ago, or even a few years ago, I was always striving for self-improvement. I wanted to optimize myself and become a better version of myself — physically, academically, and in other areas as well. But it never really worked out. I failed every single time.

I also dropped out of two electronics engineering degree programs — twice — and I dropped out of two other mechatronics engineering programs as well. Of course, I could have made it at least once if I had really committed to it, but I think the main reason was simply that I lacked the discipline to see things through and to give it 100% effort. Even if that meant studying a little longer instead of going to bed.
But I guess that’s in the past now, because I’m not studying and going to university anymore.
Oh, right, I forgot to mention: I’m 24 years old, and I’ll turn 25 this December.

And I don’t know… I just feel overwhelmed somehow. My life isn’t anything like I imagined it would be. I don’t even have my own room. I’ve been living in my parents’ living room for the past year.
Financially, things aren’t looking very good for me either. I did manage to find a full-time job as a security guard at a construction site, but the job is only for six months, and I have no idea what things will look like after that. The salary is okay, but I don’t make that much. I earn around €1,700 a month.

There are just way too many things that have accumulated over the years — negative things.
As I mentioned, I’m also overweight. I currently weigh 120 kilograms, and I’m almost bald as well. I have a receding hairline, and I’m already starting to develop some bald spots on the top of my head.
I do exercise, but I can’t stick to a diet. I managed to follow one for a short while where I gradually cut out certain foods and sweets, step by step. But eventually, I relapsed and went back to my old habits. That’s the problem: I keep relapsing over and over again. I’m simply not disciplined.

I don’t even really know how to put it into words. I just wrote this text without thinking about it too much, and there’s just so much going on.
But now the weird thing is that I don’t even want to try dieting or losing weight anymore. I know I need to lose weight. I have a big belly and man boobs. And yet, I don’t have that anger inside me, that feeling that I need to change something. I don’t know. I just don’t understand it.

Why? I mean, I assume I have enough testosterone anyway. And yet, I don’t have that drive or feeling that I need to change something.
I just keep living my life as if everything were fine, even though, in reality, almost nothing is fine.
I’ve failed four times in university. My old classmates and friends are so much further ahead in life than I am. And meanwhile, I feel like I’m just falling further and further behind.

And I also keep thinking, what’s the point of starting to run or lose weight like David Goggins, for example? I mean, of course, I would look better and I would be healthier. But then what? My financial situation wouldn’t change. My overall living situation wouldn’t change either. I don’t know.
And moving out is difficult because everything has become so expensive. But I actually still want to go to university. At the same time, I can’t really see myself studying while I’m living in my parents’ living room.
I’m just overwhelmed by everything.

I REALLY need help!

Kinda curious what fellow Caucasian people think about us (the ordinary people) :)