I posted literally 5 mins ago about a separate problem but I’ve been sitting on a lot of stuff recently.
Again this is something I’ve talked about with friends but I don’t think anyone truly understands why I think it will get so bad.
My (21F) brother (19M) is a complicated guy. I know why he acts the way he does but I’m sick of no one taking it seriously just because he has a charming personality. To sum it up, he’s one of the most insecure and narcissistic people I’ve ever known. It comes from a complex about thinking I’m the favourite which I would totally understand if he hadn’t had everything in his life handed to him by my mother who hardly disciplines him EVER.
We went to an expensive school.
Our parents bought our cars for us.
They gave us money when we didn’t have jobs after high school. Especially my brother to took ages to get a job at all.
Everything I’ve gotten, he’s gotten too. Further, the emotional support he gets from my parents is amazing ! They show up to everything. His sports games, events and more. They’re extremely supportive even though he doesn’t have a plan for his future and just works a lot of hours as the same job as me.
(I want to clarify I don’t care at all he doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life I’m just trying to show he has a lot of support)
The problem for me is he is becoming increasingly vulgar, rude and behaviourally arrogant. He has little to no empathy for things that don’t impact him. His respect for women is non-existent if he isn’t attracted to them or they’re close family members. We went on a trip with family friends recently where his language was so gross and degrading about women I don’t even think i heard him have a conversation that didn’t involve joking about women and sex. Even with his own family. I would like to note, he has had a bad experience with an ex-gf who was awful to him that probably started this but he’d been a mild version of what he is now before her.
I’m the “woke” family member and no one really takes my concerns seriously when I say what he’s saying is disgusting. They just think I’m being sensitive (mind you I know I’m a sensitive person. However, even my family friend opened up about how she thought his behaviour on the trip was disgusting and her parents thinks so too but in the moment everyone just laughs with him awkwardly! No one bothers to say something because he won’t listen but I’m tired of hearing it.
Not to mention he treats my mum like shit ! He still has her doing his laundry, he never helps out around the house and he his language with her is rude and expectant. But because he has nights where he comes down for a hug and sooks up to her she can only see when he’s being her little boy and not the man he’s becoming.
The more misogynistic he becomes the more I’m worried about how his future relationships will go. I feel horrible even typing this out because he’s my brother and even though he’s been horrible to me for so long, I still love him.
What if he becomes the kind of guy who hurts his girlfriend ?
What if he’s a bystander to abuse ?
I feel sick even thinking these as worries.
I may even delete the post later because of the chance this links back to me.
Even though everything he does comes across as jokes, it’s all real and I know he doesn’t care about anyone’s actual feelings. I’ve been told my whole life to wait for him to mature but I’m so sick and tired of hearing it and being sick to my stomach when he talks about women.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want him to become the person he kind of already is. If he wasn’t my brother he would be the guy I avoid in public or avoid talking to.
Any advice is would be appreciated, thanks.