My husband and I are expecting our first baby at the end of July, and I’m really struggling with what to do about his family.
For context — I haven’t seen or spoken to them since late June of last year. A few months ago, we tried to have a conversation to work through things, and it went really poorly. It got to the point where I ended up blocking them because of how it was handled.
There’s a long history here, and it’s not just one situation — it’s a pattern of behavior over time that has led to a lot of frustration and loss of respect on my end. I won’t get into every detail, but it’s been enough that I no longer feel comfortable around them.
Something important to note is that my husband is not being “kept” from his family. He’s actually been distant from them on his own. He doesn’t really talk to them much right now because he doesn’t want to deal with the conflict either. He’s told me that while they’re his family, they don’t respect him, they don’t respect me, or our relationship.
He’s kind of stuck in the middle — he wants a relationship with them, but not if it comes with constant pressure, disrespect, and arguments. Because of that, he’s been avoiding them as well. If they invite him over, he won’t go without me, but that’s his decision, not something I’ve asked of him.
One of the biggest ongoing issues is expectations around time together. They want weekly dinners (sometimes even pushing for multiple times a week), and we live over an hour away. If we don’t go, they expect an explanation — and even when we give one (like needing to grocery shop, do laundry, or just stay home), they push back or try to work around it instead of respecting it.
The hard part is that they’ve even acknowledged that things are uncomfortable, but still expect frequent visits anyway. It makes it difficult because we don’t feel comfortable around them, so being expected to spend that much time together feels overwhelming.
At this point, it feels like no matter what we do, it turns into conflict. I don’t feel comfortable having them around me — especially with a baby on the way.
At the same time, I know family relationships matter, and I don’t want to create something that hurts my husband long-term or keeps our child from having extended family if that could be healthy.
I guess I’m stuck between trying to be cordial and protect my peace, versus stepping back completely.
Has anyone dealt with something like this before? Is it better to try to rebuild something before the baby comes, or focus on boundaries and distance?
I’m open to honest opinions.