I (28f) have been married to my husband (31m) for almost 4 years now but we have been together for 10 years.
For the most part we have a good marriage we are compatible in every way I always say he is like the male version of me and is my bestest friend in the whole world.
However we have had this one consistent issue... Domestic tasks.
We are both fairly messy people you will never come to our house and it will be spotless we both have really busy jobs and three cats so of course the house is not going to be tidy because that's life. However every week we do a clean on Saturday involving tidying the mess gathered for the week and disinfecting the place (I have mild OCD related to emetophobia). I was away all week with work (I work 2 hours away and to save on fuel costs I stay at a family members house while I need to be in work rather than work from home) and then I was home for one night before travelling to London for a concert and to see a friend I haven't seen in a year.
I came home to find not only had my husband done zero cleaning but there was no food in the house. Now I have a chronic illness where if I don't eat first thing in the morning it makes me insanely nauseous.
This is a regular argument and he is constantly telling me things will change and he will get better but something snapped and idk what to do. I ended up packing a bag and leaving, staying with a family member because I am sick of having to look after a 30 year old man like I'm his mother. I'm the only one who does the shopping, cooking and organise the cleaning. If I wasn't there none of this would get done. I've had many breakdowns in the past ovee this and things change for a week before going back to the way they were and then eventually I have a breakdown again. I've made lists I've offered deals and I've explained how much it means to me that things are equal but there's no change. I fear I have married a slob.
I am the main breadwinner, work an insanely busy job away from home most of the time. Why should I be the one that also has to do all the cooking and cleaning and general housekeeping. The man rarely says thank you, only gets me flowers after I complain and has also never cooked me dinner or even properly organised a date, any dates I organise. On top of this he cannot take criticism and if anything goes wrong in life it's never his fault, he always finds a way to blame someone else and quite often this is me.
I will say he is really sweet, never raises his voice to me and wouldnt dare lay a hand on me. But is that really a reason to stay nowadays? Shouldn't woman be looking for more? Need advice on what to do moving forward. I'd rather not leave him but I can't keep doing this same circle.
TLDR: husband does zero domestic tasks around the house and wife is considering leaving him for her own mental health.