** I tagged this with a trigger warning because it mentions abortion and SA, but is mostly just me ranting.
God I dont even know where to begin. My (18F) and my now ex (17M) had been dating for 11 months, 10 of those were together, and the last month was long distance. And we were CLOSE. We had both cried in each others arms, he came with my family on holidays overseas (my parents paid 😐). I ended up pregnant and had an abortion (which was really traumatic and im still struggling with it), his parents considered me their daughter in-law. You get the point. Our relationship in that sense was perfect and we had a deep connection and bond, being eachothers first for alot of things. That being said- he was far from a good boyfriend, for the first 6 months of our relationship he had been lying to me about a lot of small things, which by themselves weren’t inherently bad, sure i would have beeb upset but lying about it made it 10x worse. He even went as far to “swear on our relationship and future children” (which is ironic now, considering the abortion).
He also lacked emotional support and intelligence, often going quite during deep discussions, disagreements and arguments. I understood this as an avoidant attachment, which I can understand given his family background that he trusted telling me. I was understanding and, whilst it annoyed and frustrated me (as a deeply anxious and emotional person) i tried my best to accommodate his needs and what would help him. He never did the same and never did anything to accommodate the issues i found in the relationship (eg, reassurance, trust issues etc). AND ontop of that there was 0 effort on his side. I was quite often painting him things, doing craft, buying him his favourite snacks when he was down etc. He was more of a “ill buy you expensive things and that should be enough”. Which, i appreciate and love, but would much rather a paper flower bouquet rather than a $500 ring. But no matter how much i begged and cried and asked him to change, he didnt.
ANYWAYS, now that ive gotten the backstory out of the way, onto what im really fucking upset and hurt about. We broke up in march, a few days before we were ment to see each other. But even the few weeks before, he was mean. Mean to the point where i was bawling my eyes on call and there was no comfort, he was speaking to me horribly.
He even told me that he knew he was treating me like shit, and that i “didnt have a backbone or any self respect” because I was still with him and that I didnt have the guts to leave. Mind you, this was the same guy who held me when I told him about my first relationship and my SA, he called me his wife, cried in my arms worrying that hed never fit into my family, told me about his family, called me the love of his life etc.
we broke up and he was completely different. Its sad seeing him become the person he said he never wanted to be. His following list on instagram used to just be his guy friends, family, and me. Not even a week after the break up it was filled with random girls. He was partying (he never liked drinking because of alcoholism in his family). He was making out with random girls, WHILST wearing a hoodie I painted for him and our matching ring, my hair tie and a bracelet i made him. I was going through it because of this. Was calling him constantly begging him to explain why he was being like this. Why i suddenly didnt matter. He just laughed and mocked me with his friends. Told me to move on. But when I called when he was alone, hed tell me how acting like he didnt care was better that feeling all the emotions that came with caring. I told him I was getting a small procedure done and he actually sounded worried saying “why wants wrong are you okay?”.
I 100% know im better of without him, my mind knows this, my heart knows this. I wish i left way way sooner. What I cannot comprehend and what keeps me hurting and stuck in the same place is that constant question. Why?
Why was i not good enough to change for?
Why doesnt he care?
Why has he changed SO much?
Has anyone been the guy in this situation?
Anyways rant over thank you x