I would like to talk to you
I would like to reach out. Sometimes i want to have the old times back, the times where I felt like you are my world and I am yours.
Then sometimes I want to tell you how much you have hurt me and how incredibly disappointed I am. How I cannot believe all the small and big things you did that hurt me. How I cannot believe that this is the same person. The person I fought for, the person i believed to be ment for me and I gave up so much for.
I would like to tell you how much this hurts. I would like to hear how you feel so sorry and embarrassed for the things you have done. How I was good to you and you didnt apprechiate it enough.i wish for you to not move on, to hang on me and get better for good so this could eventually someday work again. I wish for you to reach out again.
But I also dont wish for this. I know its better this way.
Its all a fucking mess and Im tired of feeling this mess in almost every single moment.
I would like to be back in your arms, back in our reality, the good one, sometimes also the usual everyday boring one.
But things are not irreversible. I know the good and the bad exists in you. I cannot go back, I cannot wait on you and I want more for my future. But right now I would wish for a sign, I would wish for the bubble I was in so I could just get back as I did so many times before. Even though so many times you showed me how you cannot hold me, how you were never as willing to work on this relationship as I was. It was not enough and I hold on to this. Because otherwise I would drown on this aching feeling of having lost someone deeply important to me and I cannot want it back because it was no good for me.
What a fucking mess all this is.