Making this post to share some of my own experience as I feel like I also need to write my self off a bit to feel better.
I started dating this girl almost a year ago and at the time I thought she was perfect for me. She was a gamer, she already had a kid (I don't want one) and she was incredibly loving. We shared hobbies and the ones she didn't share she picked up on really quickly.
Biggest problem was probably initially was the incredibly high sex drive. I would say on average it probably happened 3 times per day and ofc I had problems keeping up.
As things went going on problems kept happening. She could be really cutesy and caring also incredibly sad and she kept causing problems in my social circle. It didn't matter if it was friend groups on the internet or real life friends or colleagues (we met at work).
I invited her to my friend group discord which is a really hard vetted list of people, we've met in IRL several times and we've never had issues (It's about 100 people, we just have high standards for invites to the server).
We ofc have a NSFW channel and if you would take a look into it it's not really porn, it's mostly stuff that you would not like to see when you are at work. Perhaps it could be a weird meme about for example furries or feet. It's technically not porn but people would really not like to put that shit up on their work phone which is why the more spicy stuff is put there.
What happens? She keeps just posting straight up porn, and keeps spamming porn. This ofc upsets a larger group of people on the server because even though channel is called NSFW it's not what people expect. She simply can't read the room at all.
Because this server is no community and just a group of friends moderation is done through PMs where people simply express why a certain action is bad (you know, like adults). She got that and she got incredibly upset. She said everyone else posted porn and literally did not understand why she was not allowed to post porn.
She also made jokes that were not appreciated at all which I completely understand because they were over the line. Imagine if I make a joke about a friend of mine having sex with someone else that is in a married relationship. Especially when they don't know these people very well.
Shit like this kept happening. I kept having to mend shit. The only reason she wasn't immediately banned was because people on the server were polite enough to keep up with the shit because of me which I really feel bad for.
She kept having problems with IRL friends as well. Long story short, she kept making people uncomfortable and kept creating issues for me.
At some point I realize this will not work which was ofc hard to accept for myself. I really did love her but she kept making me feel bad.
Best example of this is when me and her were in the bed one Wednesday. I had asked a friend for help to upgrade my computer, my friend is a very busy man, he has 2 kids, wife getting re-educated and he is working. He is my best friend but still he manages to find time for me which I really appreciate. Long story short, I have to adapt to when he has time and I think it's completely fair.
The original plan was to get him to my place at Sunday to help me fix some stuff with my computer. Now me and her was in bed at her place and I got a message. My friend would not be able to make it on Sunday but he could do Saturday instead. She usually takes care of her kid every other weekend so there might have been an expectation that me and her would spend the weekend but we haven't talked about it or agreed on anything.
Because of the expectation I thought I would at least ask her even though we haven't agreed to anything at the time.
"Would it be ok if my friend comes over to me this Saturday?"
She could have said "I'd want you at my place" and it wouldn't have been an issue, instead she fucking explodes!
Starts crying, talking about she loves me a lot more than I love her back, how it's fucked up that I once said that I keep loving her more for each day, how she hates herself and feels pathetic, she is thinking of killing herself, the list goes on.
All this shit together with this explosion just made me realize that it's impossible for me to do anything and that I need to get out since I cannot resolve anything by just talking to her, she needs help. Help which she denies needing.
I try to break up with her in person as I feel like that is the most respectful thing to do. She did not let me out of her house until I agreed on working on the relationship. She also started saying some really fucked up and weird things. Like "I'm close to figuring out something you don't want to let me know! That's why you are breaking up with me!". She went completely fucking bonkers!
After we argued she just stopped crying and went back to her normal voice and just said "So do you want to get to bed?". Like as if nothing has fucking happened. That was incredibly fucking scary to me. She kept on insisting me staying but me not feeling safe wanted to get out of that shithole. I agreed to keep working on the relationship because she wouldn't let me out of her home otherwise.
I don't remember myself but the next or the other day after I broke up with her through text because I feel like I simply can't do it another way. We agree on a date to get her friend to get her stuff back at my place.
Her friend comes to me a couple of days after. I give them her stuff (a shit ton of things), she gives me my stuff (A single pair of socks) together with a bunch of gifts I gave her (except for the expensive ones ofc). At the time I still felt sorry for her because I know that she is sick and needs help. I send her my last message asking her if she really do not want these gifts, they are completely useless to me and I still want her to have them. I offered that I could send them her way.
She responded with a threat. She said she got me all figured out and how she would tell my friends, colleagues and people related to me about the truth.
At that point all my feelings for her just disappeared. I blocked her on discord. A few days after she removed/blocked me on all other social media which I thought was good because I thought she finally moved on.
That was not the case.... A month after breakup she sends me letter. She sent me a letter whith my name on one side and on the other side there is a bunch of quotes from her friends about how she doesn't need to change and how she is a good person and what not. I do not understand why she felt the need for that.
I do not open the letter because I know it won't be good for me. I just go to the police and tried to report it as harassment.
Cops ask me if they may read my mail which I agreed to. Inside is a 3 page letter of ramblings and threats and she is trying to extort me for a very large sum of money or she would tell all my friends and colleagues about all the bad stuff I've said about them. She does not provide the things she will say and I do not understand what those things might be. At the end of the letter she is describing some actual concrete things she will mention. Some of the things being true (things I'm actually not ashamed of, like my sexuality) with a mix of lies.
She now has a restraining order and is reported to the police for extortion.
I have since after realized she has probably lied about I don't know how many things, Feel kind of stupid right now.