Did exploring agender identity make you feel joyful?
I’m 31, and had questions about my gender identity on the back burner for years. I was professionally diagnosed with autism in the past few months, which has given me the occasion to reflect more clearly on my life and experience, and as I’ve tried to lessen the weight I put on myself to mask, i’ve had to confront how much gendered existence feels completely external to me. Over the years, as I’ve read about different experiences of gender, I’ve kept coming back to agender, but I’d never encountered someone who disclosed an agender identity in real life, so I wasn’t sure what to make of it.
Pretty recently, I did meet an agender person, and it’s kind of rocked my world. This person was situated similarly to me in age, presentation, and work. So I’ve started letting myself wear that label internally. I was really scared to, because I didn’t know if it would fit or be confusing. I have this worry that I might just be a confused cis-man tragically mistaking my lack of gendering from society for the absence of gender in myself. I’m maybe still scared of rejection in the community. But what I didn’t anticipate was the lightness and euphoria I feel with this.
It feels like I’ve been engaging the world through a layer of plastic, and suddenly I can be present as just me. When I can look at my interactions, my body, and my interests without the constraints of “man” or “woman”, I feel this deep sense of affirmation I’ve rarely felt elsewhere.
Is this a common experience? Has anyone else here felt this sort of thing, and am I even valid in claiming this identity for myself when it all feels so sudden?