I love him, but it hurts to see a man that has always looked so strong in my memories suddenly look so frail. It's almost unreal.
Sometimes he'll cry and I won't know how to comfort him. I'll offer an awkward hug, but I wish I could find the right words to ease his mind.
Other times I'll make some stupid joke and act like everything is normal, but I can sense in his expression that he's always having some deeper thought.
But most of the time I just stare at him and stay silent. I'll pass by his room, ask him what show he's watching (even though I know he doesn't even care what's on the TV) and move along. This along with a bunch of other meaningless comments about mundane stuff.
He looks sad. I just wish I could make him a little happier. But I feel like I don't have anything meaningful to say or do with him, since he's too tired for most activities.
I don't know how much longer I have with him. I don't know how to make it right. And I feel guilty about it.
All my siblings seem more useful to him than me, even though I've always believed I was his favorite. I know I love him, but at the same time I feel heartless and like I don't care about his feelings.
I don't know how to live up to the responsibility of my father's last days.