So last night things with my dad got really bad. Again. He humiliated my partner by talking to him like a 5 year old kid over something small and then got so mad once my partner stopped talking because he was so mad after he already told him he would fix the issue he locked us both out of our bathroom indefinitely.
To me he was angry and I am not surprised by this behavior as he gets upset over very little things like what direction you put the plates in the dishwasher and if you put them in there in a way he deems “wrong” he will sit and explain everything you are doing wrong for quite a while (10 min-3 hours depending on his mood.) hand washing dishes is also met the same way except if he is around he will hover over your shoulder and tell you how much you are messing up. Cleaning anything in front of him is like that. He makes living with our dogs miserable. Paws have to be wiped every time they come in and out and no matter the weather they have to spend a few minutes in the crate so their paws can dry off. They can’t be in the yard if he just mowed, the neighbors are mowing or anything like that and to leave the house without your dog for any amount of time you have to give him a heads up and ask him to watch them. He also throws a fit if they leave their toys on the floors (their dogs) and we have to clean the floor 1-4 times a day to keep him happy with the dog hair as if he sees one on the floor you are going to get an earful.
Everything is met with attention to maximum detail to whatever he thinks is “right” and you never will be right in that situation. And if you fight him on anything or try to explain anything you are automatically “disrespectful “ “rebellious “ “selfish” ect. It’s extremely hard to deal with but I have thought this was normal as it’s been how he is for 10+ years now and it’s fluctuated from me having to get his permission and shower in a time slot he deemed ok or face his wrath to stuff like last night to normal every day stuff like the criticism of dishes. I also had another issue like this over rose bushes. My grandfather and I found a beautiful purple rose bush and he lost it on us because he “didn’t want to mow around it. It wasn’t going to even be at the house for more than a year. My partner and I are in the process of buying a house and close at the end of the month. The rose bush incident surprised my grandfather and he was horrified by my dad reaction he talked with him then they left early. My grandfather had no idea it had gotten that bad… I thought it was just another bad dad for my dad and it’s not like he hadn’t been that angry before and took it out on me so normal. I also never got to plant the roses and my grandfather took them with him so hopefully they will be ok long term?
Last night my partner deemed my parents unsafe after my dad removed our access to our bathroom (my parents have another bathroom but I knew using it or picking the lock would make things so much worse and I miscarried our first child 2 weeks ago so I can’t not have access to the bathroom right now.) so his dad was his first call and his parents offered us the guest room for the time being for as long as we need. So we left at like 11 pm packed everything we could quietly, and packed the care before he could notice. My dad noticed right before we were going to leave and had my partner clean up the bathroom before we could leave. His dad was right there and was horrified at how my dad was embarrassing my partner which was a tone down of earlier. (If I said anything it would make what was going on worse and I know that which is why I couldn’t step in and my partner had deemed it unsafe because my dad was irrational and angry right then and I was honestly terrified.)
I know my mom is going to paint us as cowards for leaving and make her and my dad the victim of all of this like they are completely logical and we are aweful for it and how I am killing her by doing this. I just don’t know how to deal with that mind game at the moment and am still wrapping my head around the fact that it was dangerous and scary and we actually got out? His parents drove an hour to come get us in the middle of the night? It’s mind boggling. His dad wasn’t pissed or nit picky and understood why we had to leave… I also called my grandmother (one of my closest friends) and she agreed we needed to get out and wanted me to update her on if we were safe. Which made the fear I have had for years very validated.
I just know a storm is coming and idk how bad it’s going to be and want to know we did the right thing. My parents have never hit me but idk 🤷♀️ it’s all so confusing for me on my end my partner is just pissed because parents aren’t supposed to be like that apparently.
Anyway am I overreacting?