I [20f] cry when my boyfriend [25m] and I can’t do our nightly call to fall asleep to at night
My boyfriend and I have been doing those nightly calls since before we were officially together, so it just became routine for me i guess to always have him on the phone when I fall sleep. I should also mention we are long distance so we only see each other for a few days every month if we are lucky. I always cry when we can’t call and I don’t know why it’s happening. The reason why we can’t call most times it’s because he is out with his friends or coworkers and that not bad I love that for him that he goes out with his friend or coworkers hell I encourage him to do so mainly because he is a lot more social than me, and I love seeing him happy and having fun. So I don’t understand why I have to then Cry when we can’t call or that I then stay up so late that when he comes back from the bar we can still call. And I don’t stay up on purpose I just can’t fall asleep or just hardly fall asleep, it doesn’t make sense in my head, I mean i been hurt and cheated on in the past, but I trust my boyfriend and he has shown me nothing but love, patience, and care. He is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time, he even helps me with my mental problems and stays even when I am having a breakdown and I am so grateful for him. But I really don’t understand why I cry if it’s because of the routine breaking or that my brain thinks he will cheat or something like that I don’t understand. The worst part about all this is that if I ever tell him that i would be crying because we can’t call he would immediately cancel his plans go home and fall asleep with me on the phone, but I don’t him to do something like that I want him to have fun and be social with his friends. And I know he would do that because one time he asked if I was crying because we can’t call I lied and said no and then he said “ oh ok because if you were crying because of that i would go home so we can fall asleep together dearest I never want to make you cry “ and ahhh I don’t understand my feelings and I need an outside perspective because I don’t know what to do anymore and I don’t want it to hurt my relationship became I don’t want to lose him. Also sorry if there are things misspelled English is is not my first language, and if you’re asking for details in the comments because i explained something not good enough I am open to explaining more but please just help me you can be brutally honest I am not looking for sympathy or anything I am genuinely looking for advice.