Have I (F16) developed feelings for my friend (M16), or am I being dramatic?
I’ll start with some probably unnecessary backstory.
W (16M) and I (16F) met through our younger siblings and moms when we were in first grade. We both deal with anxiety disorders, though mine is tied to my ADHD and SPD. Back then, we were part of a bigger friend group with three other boys and two other girls. Eventually, they all moved away, and it was just the two of us.
I was a weird, incredibly annoying kid through elementary school, but I was also pretty confident and oblivious, so we stayed on good terms. That changed later.
During sixth grade, after the rona, I was slowly and emotionally manipulated by another student. I am not going into all the details, but she basically turned me into her puppet. When I realized what was happening, I kind of blew up my life toward the end of seventh grade. After that, I became depressed and very self-deprecating, and I scared a lot of people away.
One thing I recently realized, though, is that while W did distance himself a little, he always left the door open for me.
Now, years later, we are closer again and part of another bigger friend group. We are both sophomores, and we even got into dual enrollment at the same college.
Recently, one of my acquaintances from theatre, who I will call M, started sitting with us at lunch. M is very obvious about her crush on W. She does everything except say it to his face. She is older than us, probably a junior. She keeps bringing up these “questions of the day,” and they are usually basically NSFW. I can tell they make W uncomfortable because they are usually directed at him and one other guy.
Lately, I have been feeling something I can only describe as guard dog instincts whenever she asks these questions. I get really angry and protective, to the point where I just sit there seething. I want to tell her to open her eyes and notice how uncomfortable she makes him, but I also want to grab him and get him as far away from her as possible.
I have felt protective of him before, because people do like to mess with W. He kind of acts like a boring old man, lol. But I have never felt it this intensely before, and the possessive feeling is new too.
I talked to my mom about it, and she said it sounds like a crush. It never really occurred to me that I could have feelings for W. I do not fully trust these feelings because I “fall in love” really easily due to my tendency to overdepend on other people, and I also just got out of a semi-serious relationship.
I am kind of freaking out because I do not want to make our friendship weird, and I know he probably would never like me back. He has only had one girlfriend, and it ended badly, so if something does not go right the first time, he is not the type to try again. And even if he did like me, I do not know if a romantic relationship would last.
Are these feelings real? What do I do? I think it might just be proximity, but I could be wrong.