What's your experience in dating male with anger issues? [24F] & [24M]
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years, and we really love each other. I can tell that he really loves me and goes the extra mile for me. We are very serious and are going to save up and plan for a wedding. But I have some doubts regarding his emotional maturity, but I understand that in a relationship, not everything is perfect and there are some things that should be tolerated.
For context, my boyfriend came from a family background that is way different from mine. They often yell at each other and speak in a very loud voice. Some of them are real fights but some are just very minor things and 'playful'. I've come to accept that I don't really fit well into his family though I can still tolerate because they're usually on their best behaviors when I'm around. They never resort to physical violence at all, and I don't think he'll ever hurt anybody physically.
His anger issues are mostly with his family, or his colleagues. But when he's with me, he usually speaks in a sweet and softer tone, because of how soft-spoken I am. But occasionally he would still burst when he's angry, and I've told him that if he doesn't like something I said/do, he should just tell me nicely. His 'playful fights' with his dad are over stupid matters, like when his dad asked him to wake up early and have breakfast with him, he complained to him 'you're so noisy, why do you keep doing this? can you just go back home?'. I know he's just joking but he said so in an angry manner and tantrum-like. I'm not used to this at all since I come from a family background that respects elderly and would never speak to our parents like that. ever.
I recently also heard from his colleagues of his anger issues in his office. Then I asked him if this anger issue is a concern. Then he was really mad at me and say why do I ask him about everything. Said that I'm so noisy and ensures work and relationships are different. I told him I don't like it when he raises his tone and said "I'm noisy" but he said coz I asked annoying things. Eventually he said sorry but I don't like the feeling afterwards.
Moreover, sometimes he is so irritated during the day that when I accidentally dropped something IN PUBLIC, he would just look at me judgingly and said 'tsk' very loudly. Note that I just dropped a spoon when bringing my plate to the tray return station, and we didn't even need to wipe or clean anything. I told him that I don't feel comfortable being judged and him getting annoyed over these small things and he said I'm always clumsy but apologized.
TLDR: We love each other and are really aligned with most of our values, which are rare. But he seems to not have emotional maturity.