u/CrinklyPacket

TW: death

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some advice - ideally from someone who has had a few bichons over the years.

For background: I had an amazing bichon, the best wee guy, my little shadow. We lost him when he was nine, total shock. He had a heart attack and died one night, totally healthy, no indication of any issues. Genuinely healthy, no problems, clean bill of health from the vet, and suddenly just gone. I was devastated. He was just the best. And he just died, no warning.

That happened just under two years ago and I’m still coming to terms with it. I thought we had years more together.

In the last few months I’ve started to think I am ready for a dog. Not a “new dog” like a replacement. Just… a dog. A new member of the family. Nothing can replace our last dog, but I think we’re ready for a new addition. We’re a family of three (son is 9). He wants a dog, I want a dog, my husband wants a dog. We’re all aligned. We’re a dog family and there’s a hole where our old dog used to be.

BTW I’m not saying the name of our old dog because I need to retain my anonymity, but please know I don’t call him “our old dog”!! He has a name!

I wanted to ask people who have lost dogs before - how do you do it? How do you bring a new dog into the family after a loss?

I have a lot of allergies, and bichons are really the only dog I can tolerate without serious reactions (ended up in hospital a few times after a stray hair or a nip). Bichons are weirdly ok. My face puffs up a bit, but that’s a small price to pay for these wee guys!

How do you do it? You’ve had one, they’re such a big part of your life. You get a new one - does it bring back the memories of the first one? Does it have the same face? Bichons look so similar, I feel like I would see this new puppy and think “my old dog did this too”.

I really want a dog as part of our family, but I don’t know if I’ll mess it up for everyone if I can’t handle my grief here.

Has anyone gone through this? Any advice? Thanks!